1 .

I grew up hearing that it is better to give than to receive, and the older I get, the more I aim to take this message to heart. Nevertheless, here I am, in the midst of the holiday season stressed out about gifts I have not yet purchased.

How did gift buying become an emotionally fraught chore (苦差事)? For a moment, it’s easy to question if it’s worth it. But science tells me that giving makes us feel good.

“The act of giving actually does improve your happiness,” says Michael Norton, a psychologist at Harvard Business School. He has published several studies on the effects of giving.

In one experiment that included about 700 people, the researchers randomly assigned participants to make either a purchase for themselves, or for a stranger. Afterwards, the participants reported how happy they felt. Turns out, giving to others led to a significant happiness boost, whereas spending on oneself didn’t move the needle.

“If you take $5 out of your pocket today, the science really does show that spending $5 on yourself doesn’t do much for you,” Norton says. “But spending that $5 on somebody else is more likely to increase your happiness.”

Take a scarf. If you buy one for yourself, it’s just another thing you don’t necessarily need. But if you buy a scarf for someone else, “you’ve shown them that they’re important to you,” Norton says. Either way, it’s just a scarf. “But it can either be a throwaway object or something that enhances a relationship between two people,” he says.

So, there’s evidence that generosity promotes happiness, but the process of shopping, wrapping and schlepping (搬) gifts can be tiresome — or even extremely annoying considering all of our day-­to­-day demands and other holiday stressors.

Studies also show when people are given something they are more likely to give back. Reciprocity (互惠) is a foundation of good relationships and when we surround ourselves with generous people, we tend to feel the same. Feeling that spirit of giving and the connection it can bring is what the holidays are all about.

3 . The nature of compassion fatigue (同情疲劳) means that many working in traditional care-giving roles are likely to experience its symptoms. This includes first responders, medical professionals, social workers, journalists, and lawyers specializing in family law or criminal law.

Kelli Collins, a licensed family therapist, remarks “Think about muscle fatigue—if you work out too hard, your muscles might simply give out. In the same way, compassion fatigue means your ability to offer compassion to others is dramatically affected.”

Collins herself experienced compassion fatigue as a young therapist working in a community mental health setting, where she “had the strong desire to help” but quickly realized some things were out of her “rang of influence”. She felt herself becoming easily annoyed with loved ones, sleeping very little, and fantasizing about changing careers. It was an overwhelming time, during which she felt she was failing her clients.

“I thought that by giving endless compassion to my clients, I was ‘leaving it all on the field’. In fact, bearing the responsibility for my clients’ pain without consideration for my own needs and limits meant that I wasn’t a particularly effective therapist,” she says.

Lynne Hughes, who founded Comfort Zone in 1999 and now serves as CEO, lost both her parents as a child, experiencing first-hand the lack of resources and support for grieving children. Hughes expresses similar feelings about the challenge of compassion fatigue, stressing the importance of looking inward.

“Suffering from compassion fatigue does not mean you’re bad at helping or caring, it only means the scale between caring for others and caring for yourself is no longer balanced,” she says. “When you’re in a role where you’re nurturing and caring for others — it’s crucial to extend that nurture and care to yourself so that ‘your well’ does not run dry.”

But both Hughes and Collins emphasize that it’s not only traditional caregivers who experience compassion fatigue. “It is applicable to anyone in a caring role,” says Hughes, while Collins believes it is a uniquely human condition, occupational or not.