【推荐1】Arguments aren’t logical. To win them, you have to understand people. The following tips will help you win any argument.

Don’t try to “win” the argument

    1    . So respect other persons’ views, no matter how silly they sound. When they have their self-worth respected in some way, they tend to be more receptive to information that challenges their beliefs. Otherwise, they will slip into the fight-or-flight mode and there will be no getting through to them.

So if you want to be convincing, take your conversational partners’ views and advance them to their logical— and perhaps silly—conclusion.

    2    

Last year, psychologist Philip Fernbach separated people with extreme political views into two groups— people who had to explain why their opinions were right, and those who were asked to explain how their ideals could be turned into actual policy.

The result?

Folks who gave their reasons for being right were just as confident in their arguments after the experiment as they were beforehand.     3    .

Follow up

Ed Catmull knew Steve Jobs for 26 years and they always had some arguments. He avoided arguing with Jobs.     4    . “I would say something to him and he would immediately shoot it down. Then I would wait a week and call him up and give my counter argument. He’d immediately shoot it down, again. So I had to wait another week, and sometimes this went on for months, ” said Ed Catmull.

It would end up in one of three ways: Jobs would admit Catmull was right; Catmull would realize Jobs was right; or Jobs would not respond, in effect giving his approval.

Go for consensus（共识）

Consensus is the collected opinions of all participant, not just the one you’re arguing with.     5    . But if the vast majority have reached consensus, it means that there is so much evidence in support of an idea that it’s basically a guaranteed thing.

【推荐2】Being self-motivated means being ready for driven, focused discussion and behavior. It also means being sharp and smart enough to be open to positive learning.     1    . Luckily, you have every tool at your disposal to get started right now. Here we go!

    2    . It’s simple to know what we don’t want. Often it’s harder to pinpoint what exactly would make us happy and what exactly we’re striving for. However, to get anything done, we have to start thinking with positive goals, not negative fears. Instead of “I don’t want to be poor,” a better goal is “I’d like to save X amount of money each month.” See how the latter is much, much more doable? And less scary!

Track your progress. Whether you’re losing weight, working overtime, or studying for college, track what you’re doing! This will give you drive and show you the positive outcomes of your behavior.     3    . Make sure to track your behaviors and their results. Not only do you need the results to look at and go, “Gee! I am awesome! Look at what I did!” you’ll need the results to see what does and does not work for you.

Keep good company.     4    . We have that friend that desperately wants us to eat another piece of cheesecake. That person is not good company. To get going on our path to success, everyone needs cheerleaders along the way! Tell your friends and family what you’re trying to stay motivated with.

Use rewards. This is a point to be considered carefully. The last thing you want to do is to associate everything with a Snickers bar. However, rewards can be powerful when used sparingly and efficiently.     5    .

【推荐3】Building Up Your Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and emotionally engage with others. It is viewed as the fundamental social glue and main psychological mechanism, which enables us to relate to each other, maintain social relations and create a more sympathetic world.     1    . It is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Here are some tips on how to build up your empathy.

Practice active listening 

Listening is one of the most effective ways you can demonstrate empathy to other people. Active listening requires three things. To begin with, paraphrase what the person said to show that you understood the content.     2    , because it helps the person better understand and regulate their own emotions. Finally, indicate how your response makes you want to behave, because again you are demonstrating that you understand their emotional state and helping them figure out a behavior to move forward with.

Challenge your prejudices and assumptions        

Ask yourself why you think that all poor people are lazy, or all people with mental health issues are dangerous. A lot of assumptions and prejudices are based on misinformation that has become widespread.     3    .   

Treat people as being important

Recognize that you aren’t the only one living in this world and that you aren’t some superior being.     4    . Don’t lump (合并) them into stereotypical (刻板印象的) groups with erroneous one-size-fits-all labels. Each person is an individual and comes with a set of flaws and strengths.

    5    

This means getting a direct experience of another person’s life, the “walk a mile in another person’s shoes” proverb. You don’t have to go quite that far, but consider taking on all the things that your mother does in a day for an entire week. You’ll discover how difficult it is to manage both the home and work, and you’ll have a better appreciation for how much work she has to do. You may even decide to pitch in a bit more.

In conclusion, building up your empathy takes time and effort, but it is worth it. So start practicing today and make a positive impact on the world around you.