【推荐1】Passive-aggressive (消极抗拒) behaviour can feel “normal”—especially if it’s how we’ve grown up seeing others around us deal with relationship issues. Whether done verbally (言语上) or nonverbally, passive aggression is meant to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings, escape conflict, or show disagreement without being outspoken in it.

It’s a more common way of dealing with things than you might think. But why are we passive-aggressive? What are the signs we can look out for to recognize being passive-aggressive? And how does it affect us?

There are many reasons why someone might display passive-aggressive behaviour, including insecurity or fear of losing control, as well as using it as a way to handle feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. It can also be a way to try to deal with rejection or conflict, because of feelings of under-appreciation, or due to worry that any natural feelings of anger aren’t the right response, and so it becomes an attempt to sugarcoat things.

We almost all exhibit signs of passive aggression from time to time, but when it becomes a habit within our relationships, it can become upsetting for the other person involved, causing a divide. And for the person exhibiting this behaviour, their inability to say what is wrong clearly can often worsen the issue as it isn’t being dealt with directly. Ultimately, passive aggression prevents change and growth, leading to more negative behaviour, the breakdown of trust, and further relationship problems.

Admitting that you have a problem and need to change is not just good for your relationship, but also a huge help in your life. If you’re struggling and aren’t sure where to begin, ask yourself “Could I unintentionally (or intentionally) be hurting my relationship? Is it worth saving my relationship, or do I want to risk things getting worse? Would I be happy if my partner acted the way I’ve been acting?”

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but, with time and effort, you can find new, healthier ways of communicating how you are feeling, and start to strengthen the bonds within your relationship.

【推荐2】Effective communication is the process of exchanging ideas, opinions, knowledge, and data so that the message is received and understood with clarity and purpose. Learning how to communicate well can be beneficial.     1    

Consider your audience.     2     Knowing your audience can be key to delivering the right messages effectively. Their age, income, education level, background knowledge and experience can all affect how they’ll receive your message.

Practice active listening. Active listening means giving your full attention in a communication exchange.     3     This not only ensures that you comprehend the conversation accurately but also makes the speaker feel heard and valued.

Make your message as clear as possible. Once you have successfully identified your audience and listened to their purposes, needs, and desires, you may have something to communicate. To do this effectively, turn to the 3Cs of communication: Clear, Correct, Complete.     4    

Use the right medium or platform. Effective communication requires you to consider whether you need to meet in person or online. Is your message casual enough to use WeChat, or would a formal email be more suitable?     5     Whatever you choose should be appropriate for your current situation.

By following these four principles, you are well on your way to exercising communication effectiveness.

My time here in China is going well. I love my new school and classmates. Over the October holiday, my parents and I are planning to go to Xi’an to see the Terracotta Army. I've heard that it is an amazing sight, and I can’t wait to go. To me, the story of the Terracotta Army is almost unbelievable. It’s amazing that there are more than 8,000 statues, and no one in modern times knew about them until the 1970s.

We’re also planning to visit several other places in Xi’an. My dad and I are both looking forward to going to the Shaanxi History Museum, because my dad loves history and I have heard that this museum is known as a “Chinese treasure house”! We’re also going to the Xi’an City Wall and a few other famous sights.

We’re taking the train, leaving the day before the October holiday begins. We’re arriving at 9:30 a.m. and will start sightseeing right away, so I hope we sleep well on the train!

I guess that’s all for now! I’ll write again soon and send photos! Do you have any plans for the coming holiday? Hope to hear from you soon.

Your friend,

Richard