1 . A new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family claims that all that time you spend parenting just doesn’t matter. But it’s a claim that, despite the enthusiastic and widespread coverage by the media, does not hold water.

The research suggests that child outcomes (including behavior problems, emotional problems, and academic performance) are barely connected with the time that parents spend with their children. The researchers examined the time diaries of 1,600 children, looking at parenting time and outcomes when the kids were aged 3 to 11 in 1997, and again in 2002, when they were between 8 and 16. (A time diary is a detailed report of all activities you carry out in a day. )

This research largely reflects the failure of the authors to correctly measure parental input. It just looked at time diaries from two particular days-one a weekday and the other a weekend day.

Trying to get a sense of the time you spend parenting from a single day’s diary is a bit like trying to measure your income from a single day. If yesterday was payday, you looked rich, but if it’s not, you would be reported as poor. You get a clearer picture only by looking at your income — or your parenting time—over a more meaningful period.

What you did yesterday should not be taken as representative of what you did last year, This is why most high-quality studies of parenting time focus instead on how often parents read to their children, play with them or help their with homework over a period of a month or longer — long enough to represent their different approaches to parenting.

As an exhausted parent who doesn’t get enough time to work out, and who hasn’t seen a movie for months, I understand why so many of us might seize on studies suggesting that we should take more time for ourselves. Perhaps we should. But I agree with Ariel Kalil, a developmental psychologist, on the suggestion “that when parents spend high-quality time with their children, their children are more likely to succeed.”

4 . Psychological science is full of interesting topics, many of which tell a coherent (连贯的) picture of human nature, but some of which create seemingly contradictory stories. A case in point is the tricky, and misunderstood, overlap (重叠部分) between strength-based science and the research on narcissism (自恋).

There is now convincing evidence to show that narcissism is on the rise, especially in our youth. Some researchers say that about 25% of young people show symptoms of narcissism. The inflated ego of Generation Me is reflected in reality TV, celebrity worship, and out-of-control consumerism.

We are correct to be concerned about this phenomenon, but our fear that all kids are potential narcissists has caused an unhelpful counter-reaction to approaches that seek to make our children and teens feel good about themselves.

In my own research on strength-based parenting, it is common for people to wrongly think this approach to be the cause of narcissism. Their argument seems to be that a child who knows his strengths will automatically view himself as better than everyone else. It is argued that the self-assurance that comes with identifying and using their positive qualities will make a child selfish and uncaring. Genuine confidence about one’s strengths is categorized as over-confidence; desirable self-knowledge is branded as excessive (过分的) self-admiration.

Why does this occur? It’s partly because more is known about narcissism than strengths. While strengths psychology has largely stayed within the limit of academic journals, research on narcissism has made its way into the mass media and our daily life. A famous magazine noted that narcissism is a favored topic and that people everywhere are diagnosing others with it.

The fear that a strength-based approach will cause narcissism also occurs because of our binary (非此即彼) thinking. We mistakenly believe that one cannot be both confident and humble. We focus on Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian rather than Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Without confidence in their strengths, Gandhi and Mother Teresa couldn’t have achieved so much, and yet modesty and selflessness are their qualities.

When we assume that strength-focus is the same as a self-focus, we fail to make the idea clear that people who know their strengths are, actually, more likely to be pro-social and ready to help others.

It’s easy to conclude that every young person is at risk of becoming a narcissist but I’d like to stand up for the thousands of young kids I have worked with, who are caring, thoughtful and humble — even when they use their strengths.

5 . Every year, thousands of teenagers participate in programs at their local art museums. But do any of them remember their time at museum events later in life? A new report suggests that the answer is yes — and finds that arts-based museum programs are credited with changing the course of alumni’s (毕业生的) lives, even years after the fact.

The Whitney Museum of American Art, the Walker Art Center and the Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles recently asked researchers to conduct a study to find out how effective their long-standing teen art programs really are. They involved over 300 former participants of four programs for teens that have been in existence since the 1990s. Alumni, whose current ages range from 18 to 36, were invited to find out how they viewed their participation years after the fact.

Among the alumni surveyed, 75 percent of them thought the teen art program experience had the most favorable impact on their own lives, beating the family, school and their neighborhoods. Nearly 55 percent thought that it was one of the most important experiences they had ever had, regardless of age. And two-thirds said that they were often in situations where their experience in museums affected their actions or thoughts.

It turns out that participating in art programs also helps keep teens keen about culture even after they reach adulthood: Ninety-six percent of participants had visited an art museum within the last two years, and 68 percent had visited an art museum five or more times within the last two years. Thirty-two percent of alumni work in the arts as adults.

Though the study is the first of its kind to explore the impact of teen-specific art programs in museums, it reflects other research on the important benefits of engaging with the arts. A decade of surveys by the National Endowment for the Arts found that the childhood experience with the arts is significantly associated with people’s income and educational achievements as adults. Other studies have linked arts education to everything from lower dropout rates to improvement in critical thinking skills.

The Yosufs’ house is unlike any other house. In the sitting room, instead of a television, there is a blackboard on the wall. For two hours every day, Mr Yosuf writes complex mathematical problems on the board. His daughter, Zuleika, copies them into an exercise book and solves them.

Zuleika is special. She’s five years old, but instead of watching cartoons or playing computer games, her favourite pastimes are solving equations and reading books. She already spends hours every day in a university library. Next year Zuleika will become Britain’s youngest “A” level student.

Not surprisingly, the Yosufs are a very clever family. Zuleika’s two sisters and a brother, aged 16, 14 and 12 are also good at maths and are already at university. Her father, who specialises in maths research, has taught them all. “Zuleika is very competitive, says her father.” She sees her brother and sisters working every day and she can’t wait to catch up with them. I remember teaching the others maths when they were eight. Zuleika solves the same problems now, although she took up maths much earlier. We could see she was interested in numbers at a much younger age. ”

So what is the secret of their success? When their first child arrived, Mr Yosuf and his wife made up their minds to teach all of their children at home. They say that home tuition combined with love and understanding has helped their children to succeed. “We’ve been patient and supportive, and they take pride in what they do,” says Mr. Yosuf. “Maybe Zuleika has a natural talent for maths, but I believe given the right surroundings, any child could do well. ”

One thing all child prodigies(神童) do have in common is a complete dedication to and love of their subject. They spend many more hours working at it than the average child, and this extra effort is reflected in their achievements. It is not necessary to be extremely talented to be a child prodigy, but you do have to have a lot of motivation.

8 . Parents should stop blaming (责备) themselves because there’s not a lot they can do about it. I mean the teenager problem. Whatever you do or however you choose to deal with it, at certain times a wonderful, reasonable and helpful child will turn into a terrible animal.

I’ve seen friends deal with it in all kinds of different ways. One strict mother insisted that her son, right from a child, should stand up whenever anyone entered the room, open doors and shake hands like a gentleman. I saw him last week when I called round. Sprawling himself (懒散地躺) on the sofa in full length, he made no attempt to turn off the loud TV he was watching as I walked in, and his greeting was no more than a quick glance at me. His mother was ashamed. “I don't know what to do with him these days,” she said. “He’s forgotten all the manners we taught him.”

He hasn't forgotten them. He' s just decided that he' s not going to use them. She confessed (坦白) that she would like to come up behind him and throw him down from the sofa onto the floor.

Another good friend of mine let her two daughters climb all over the furniture, reach across the table, stare at me and say, “I don’t like your dress; it’s ugly.” One of the daughters has recently been driven out of school. The other has left home.

“Where did we go wrong?” her parents are now very sad. Probably nowhere much. At least, no more than the rest of that unfortunate race, parents.

9 . “If you don’t behave, we’ll call the police.” is a lie that parents generally use to get their young children to behave. Parents’ lies work in the short terms, but a new study led by NTU Singapore suggests that they’re associated with harmful effects when the child becomes an adult.

The research team asked 379 Singaporean young adults whether their parents lied to them when they were children, how much they lie to their parents now, and how well they adjust to adulthood challenges. Adults who reported being lied to more as children were more likely to report deceiving their parents in their adulthood. They also said they faced greater difficulty in meeting psychological and social challenges.

Lead author Assistant Professor Setoh Peipei from NTU Singapore’s School of Social Sciences said, “Parenting by lying can seem to save time especially when the real reasons behind why parents want children to do something is complicated to explain. When parents tell children that ‘honesty is the best policy’, but display dishonesty by lying, such behavior can send conflicting messages to their children. Parents’ dishonesty may eventually break trust and promote dishonesty in children. Our research suggests that parenting by lying is a practice that has bad consequences for children when they grow up. Parents should be aware of this and consider alternatives to lying, such as acknowledging children’s feelings, giving information so children know what to expect, offering choices and problem-solving together, to help children develop good behavior.”

The analysis found that parenting by lying could place children at a greater risk of developing problems that the society disapproves, such as aggression (侵害) and rule-breaking behavior. Some limitations of the study include relying on what young adults report about their past experience of parents’ lying. “Future research can explore using more information providers, such as parents, to report on the same topic,” suggested Asst Prof Setoh.

The Yosufs' house is unlike any other house. In the sitting room, instead of a television there is a blackboard on the wall. For two hours every day Mr Yosuf writes complex mathematical problems on the board. His daughter, Zuleika, copies them into an exercise book and solves them.

Zuleika is special. She's five years old, but, instead of watching cartoons, or playing computer games, her favorite pastimes(消遣) are solving problems and reading books. She already spends hours every day in a university library. Next year, Zuleika will become Britain's youngest "A" level student.

Not surprisingly, the Yosufs are a very clever family. Zuleika's two sisters and brother, aged 16, 14 and 12 are also good at maths and are already at university. Her father, who specializes in maths research, has taught them all. "Zuleika is very competitive, " says her father, "She sees her brother and sisters working every day and she can't wait to catch up with them. I remember teaching the others maths when they were eight. Zuleika solves the same problems now, although she took up maths much earlier. We could see she was interested in numbers at a much younger age.

So what is the secret of their success? When their first child arrived, Mr Yosuf and his wife made up their minds to teach all of their children at home. They say that home teaching combined with love and understanding has helped their children to succeed. "We'll be patient and supportive, and they take pride in what they do, " says Mr Yosuf. "Maybe Zuleika has a natural talent for maths, but I believe given the right surroundings, any child could do well."

One thing all child prodigies(神童) have in common is a complete love of their subject. They spend many more hours working at it than the average child, and this extra effort is reflected in their achievements. It is not necessary to be extremely talented to be a child prodigy, but you do have to have a lot of motivation.