【推荐1】I’d been retired for four years, when a friend suggested university. I thought he was joking—I was rubbish at school and failed my 11-plus. But we love to compete over Mastermind and University challenge, and he thought I’d make it. And he was absolutely right!

I did a foundation course first, which was part time at the University Lifelong Learning Centre(LLC), two nights a week and the odd Saturday. I did quite well, and that gave me the confidence to do a full time, three year degree. I’m passionate about art and I always wanted to be here for the journey and not the destination. That sounds really corny, but it was the truth in my case.

Initially it was a bit strange fitting in with my course mates. They were all 18, straight out of sixth form or college. Over time, though, they’ve all been fine — now, we all get on really well and there is no issue. I’ve made plenty of friends as a member of the mature students society, and I do some volunteering through the LLC, chatting to prospective students about my experience of coming to university. I tell them my story and basically encourage them to give it a go because you’ve got nothing to lose. I like to think I’ve convinced a few of them.

I have no regrets at all. Enrolling in university was the best piece of advice I’ve received in years, especially post-retirement. I needed routine in my life; I needed purpose. I’m not going to spend my day in the bookies or the pub. If you’ve got a passion for something, you should pursue it.

【推荐2】Recently, I said something like this to my 13-year-old son: “I've told you a thousand times, just do your work and we can stop fighting. Why don't you just listen to me? I hate having to shout to get you to pay attention.”

Creating a peaceful relationship with our children is a huge test of emotional intelligence-and particularly empathy. In the above example, there are a number of emotional intelligence failures. I was angry, so I was reacting unconsciously instead of responding intentionally. Under my anger was a feeling of powerlessness and fear. I was scared that he is not self-motivated and won't do well. I reacted to the fear by attacking. I was trying to use my force of will to make him obey.

The first rule of emotional intelligence: When people feel pushed, they resist. I was blaming him, interpreting his lack of interest in homework as a kind of personal attack on me and implying that he was making me behave the way that I behaved. I was focused on what I wanted and my perspective.

I'd like to focus on this last point, because it turns out that this lack of perspective-taking—this lack of empathy—is the key to easing parent-child tension.

When I increase empathy and relook at the situation with compassion, I see a different story. Perhaps he was afraid, too. Perhaps he felt powerless, too. Perhaps he's learned the exact same pattern I've modeled: When you're afraid, attack.

That moment of curiosity is the doorway to empathy, and it's a game changer. Empathy is not actually a complex skill. It's a basic part of the social brain. That little pause of curiosity is a way to step out of the stress reaction, and step into being the person we choose to be.

Hopefully, I'll remember to take that all-important pause and ask myself :I wonder what's really going on for him right now.

【推荐2】The first time Richard Epstein went to his local ice-skating rink, he was handed a free pair of skates. “Do things out of my comfort zone, and good things happen,” he observes.

This wisdom was borne out last December, when Epstein, a 78-year-old scientist, skated in his exhibition. His wife filmed his routine, which he performed with his coach, then his eldest daughter posted it on Twitter. Nearly 3 million people viewed it. Epstein somewhat can’t understand the response, describing himself as “just an old guy going around in circles”.

Often, when he drives to the rink, he reminds himself that good things follow discomfort. He always feels a little anxious. “There is a risk of failure that I have to get over.” he says.

As a child, Epstein was “really terrible” at sports. He still feels embarrassed that he couldn’t threw a ball straight. “I’m an active person but one of the world’s worst athletes. I don’t have this ‘used to be good’ mentality,” he says. What he does have is a long personal and professional history of embracing mistakes, and uncertainty.

He used to look back at his childhood self, and think that one day he would feel relaxed and cool and comfortable in his own shin. Maybe ice-skating makes up for clumsiness in childhood? Epstein has also tried snowboarding, rock climbing and inline skating, all of which challenge balance.

At high school, Epstein was streamed in “the medium track”. However, as a scientist, he has always committed to projects with uncertain futures, and worked fruitfully in that unmapped space. The word he comes up with to describe his scientific style and perhaps he would say it applies to the rink too is “clumsy”.

Epstein never lets his old age or fear of failures prevent him from pursuing his passion for exploration. He enjoys how the ice takes him out of his ordinary ways. “There’s the wind blowing through my hair. It is a joy to slide and turn, to get on the inside edge of the skate.”

【推荐3】I have been studying literature all the time, so someone asked me if l made the wrong choice by devoting myself to studying literature. I was deep in thought.

A good friend of mine took every single literature class she could while in college and decided early on that she wasn't cut out to be a teacher. Her parents were concerned because she wasn't really focused on becoming something that would pay the bills. In order to mollify their concerns, she took a library science course and told them she would regard library science as a career path. But she ended up taking a job as a communications assistant at a mid-size company and eventually became the director of communications. She put her literature studies to work in making company materials and has benefited a lot from that.

Another friend turned his love of Hemingway’s writings into inspiration for his artworks. Most people don’t stay at one job for their entire career. I can’t tell you how many teachers I worked with over the years give up teaching to paint houses, work in an advertising company, start a company, and so on. A degree is important for many places to get your foot in the door. But I think you should choose your job based on what you're really interested in,and no one says you have to do something for the rest of your work life.

Colleges generally don’t clue you in on the possible career paths available to you with your particular studies, but some are getting far better with guiding students toward the possibilities.Your reading, writing and analytical skills would be great advantages to many companies, so don’t think that your love of literature is going to leave you with few choices. So I didn’t feel sad to devote myself to studying literature.

【推荐3】When I was in my first year of high school, I had a terrible time when every area of my life was a disaster. I felt so hopeless and alone that I thought everything was impossible.

On one such day, I was walking from class across the school to catch the school bus home, with my head down, fighting tears of total hopelessness, when a young man came down the sidewalk toward me. Though I had never seen him before, I did not want him to see that I was in such low spirits, so I turned my head away and hoped to hurry past. I thought he'd walk on by, but he moved until he was directly in front of me, waited until I looked up, and then smiled.

Looking into my eyes, this stranger spoke in a quiet voice: “Whatever is wrong will pass. You're going to be OK, just hang on.” He then smiled again and walked away.

I can't explain the effect of that man's unexpected kindness and caring! He gave me the one thing that I'd lost completely—hope. I looked for him in our school to thank him, but never saw him again.

That was thirty years ago. And I've never forgotten that moment. Over the years, whenever I see someone who is in trouble, I will always think of that young man and try to give a flash of hope in the dark wherever I can. I carry things for people when they are too heavy for them, sit with naughty babies in the waiting room while their mothers are busy, or talk to tired couples at the checkout line or it could be anything. If you keep your head up, your heart will show you the place that needs hope.

【推荐1】Why does social media trigger feelings of loneliness and inadequacy? Because instead of being real life, it is, for the most part, impression management, a way of marketing yourself, carefully choosing and filtering (过滤) the picture and words to put your best face forward.

Online “friends” made through social media do not follow the normal psychological progression of an interpersonal relationship. You share neither physical time nor emotional conversations over the Internet. You simply communicate photographs and catchy posts to a diverse group of people whom you have “friended” or “followed” based on an accidental interaction. This is not to say that your social media friends can’t be real friends. They absolutely can, but the two are not the same. Generally speaking, there are no unfiltered comments and casually taken photos on our social media pages. And, rightfully so, because it wouldn’t feel safe to be completely real and honest with some of our “friends” whom we don’t actually know or with whom trust has yet to be built.

Social media can certainly be an escape from the daily routines, but we must be cautioned against the negative effects, such as addiction, on a person’s overall psychological well-being.

As humans, we are eager for social connection. Scrolling (滚动) through pages of pictures and comments, however, does not provide the same degree of fulfillment as face to face interactions do. Also, we tend to idealize others’ lives and compare our downfalls to their greatest accomplishments, ending in feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.

Social media can lead people on the unhealthy pursuit of perfection. Some people begin to attend certain events or travel to different places so that they can capture that “perfect” photo. They begin to seek validation through the number of people who “like” their posts. In order for it to play a psychologically healthy role in your social life, social media should enhance an already healthy social network. Pictures and posts should be byproducts (副产品) of life’s treasured moments and fun times, not the planned and calculated image that one is putting out into cyberspace in an attempt to fill insecurities or unmet needs.

Ultimately, social media has increased our ability to connect with various types of people all over the globe. It has opened doors for business and allowed us to stay connected to people whom we may not otherwise get to follow. However, social media should feel like a fun experience, not one that contributes to negative thoughts and feelings. If the latter is the case, increasing face to face time with trusted friends, and minimizing time scrolling online, will prove to be a reminder that your social network is much more rewarding than any “like”, “follow” or “share” can be.

【推荐3】Thirteen-year-old Kaylee has a lot of friends—532, actually, if you count up both her Instagram followers and Facebook friends, And she spends a lot of time with them.

But is it possible that Kaylee’s online friendships could be making her lonely? That’s what some experts believe Connecting online is a great way to stay in touch, they say. However, some experts worry that many kids are so busy connecting online that they might be missing out on true friendships.

Could this be true? During your parents’ childhoods, connecting with friends usually means spending time with them in the flesh. Kids played Scrabble around a table, not Words With Friends on their phones. When friends missed each other, they picked up the telephone. Friends might even write letters to each other.

Today, most communication takes place online. A typical teen sends 2,000 texts a month and spends more than 44 hours per week in front of a screen. Much of his time is spent on social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook.

In fact, in many ways, online communication can make friend ships stronger, “There’s definitely positive influence. Kids can stay in constant contact, which means they can share more of their feelings with each other,” says Katie, co-author of the App Generation.

Other experts, however, warn that too much online communication can get in the way of forming deep friendships. “If we are constantly checking in with our virtual worlds, we will have little time for our real world friendships.” says Rosen, a professor at California State University.

Rosen also worries that today s kids might mistake the “friends” on the social media for true friends in life. However, in tough times, you didn’t need someone to like your picture or share your tweet. You needed someone who would keep your secrets and hold you hand. You would like to talk face to face.