【推荐1】My philosophy (哲学) professor was a typical eccentric philosopher, whose behavior was a bit strange. His disheveled (蓬乱的) appearance was highlighted by a well­worn tweed sport coat and poor-fitting thick glasses, which often rested on the tip of his nose. Every now and then, as most philosophy professors do, he would dig into one of those existential “what’s the meaning of life” discussions. Many of those discussions went nowhere, but there were a few that really hit home. This was one of them:

“Respond to the following questions by a show of hands,” my professor instructed.

“How many of you can tell me something about your parents?” Everyone’s hand went up.

“How many of you can tell me something about your grandparents?” About three-fourths of the class raised their hands.

“How many of you can tell me something about your great-grandparents?” Two out of sixty students raised their hands.

“Look around the room,” he said. “In just two short generations hardly any of us even know who our own great-grandparents were. Oh sure, maybe we have an old photograph stored away in a musty cigar box or know the classic family story about how one of them walked five miles to school barefoot. But how many of us really know who they were, what they thought, what they were proud of, what they were afraid of, or what they dreamed about? Think about that. Within three generations our ancestors (祖先) are all but forgotten. Will this happen to you?”

“Here’s a better question. Look ahead three generations. You are long gone. Instead of you sitting in this room, now it’s your great­grandchildren. What will they have to say about you? Will they know about you? Or will you be forgotten, too?”

“Is your life going to be a warning or an example? What legacy (遗产) will you leave? The choice is yours. Class is over.”

Nobody rose from their seats for a good five minutes.

【推荐2】My 12-year-old son and I ride bikes to and from his school every day. I accompany him on the 20-minute ride through Manhattan, drop him off and return at the end of day to pick him up. We always ride together; sometimes he leads; sometimes I do. And as we ride, we communicate the ways to minimize the dangers: Don’t go too fast, and watch out for doors suddenly swinging out from parked cars and jaywalking pedestrians, etc. Some friends worry about the risk of riding in traffic, but is there a better way to let my son know how to deal with traffic dangers?

But recently he requested me to start hanging back a half block or so. This way he could enjoy the feeling of riding on his own, with the security of knowing that I was nearby in case he needed me. This is healthy, of course, as my son needs space to develop independence in preparation for his inevitable departure from home. However, that means soon he will want to ride to school on his own, and I will no longer have this wonderful routine. “Let your children go if you want to keep them.” I understand this and am trying to let my son go in age-appropriate phases, but I still suffer. It’s one of the most troubling experiences of parenthood — recognizing that your presence is becoming less welcome.

My dilemma as a husband mirrors the concern I feel as a parent. My wife has just left on a six-month mission to cover the situation in Libya. In the days leading up to her departure, we spoke openly about the possibility, however unlikely, that she might be killed. But while I influence her decisions, I do not control them. Finally, it was her decision. I know that letting go is the wisest path in this case too. As we travel through life’s phases, we must let go of so much. And I don’t think it gets easier with practice. But maybe just accepting that eventually we will have to let go is the secret to living a full life.

【推荐3】Are you the type of person who always says “yes”? I’ve come to learn that it is very important to learn to say “no”. It’s okay. People are still going to like you. They may even respect you more because they know you are honest.

I’m not saying to say “no” to someone who really needs your help. I’m talking about turning down that meeting that you really do not want to attend or that birthday party that you don’t want to be a guest at.

Think for a moment how you feel when you say “yes” to something that you really don’t want to do. If you’re like I once was, you can’t sleep at night and you think about it too much. It weighs on your mind. You try to find ways out. Whatever you’re saying to yourself, if you really wanted to go, you wouldn’t have all of these thoughts.

So, why not just say “no” from the beginning？Maybe you feel like if you don’t show up at the meeting (by the way, it is not one you must attend), your boss isn’t going to like you or your co­workers won’t respect you. Maybe you feel as if your mom, dad or sisters won’t love you as much if you don’t do everything for them what they ask every occasion.

If these people are your true friends, family members, or a good boss, they will like or love you the same no matter what. People treat you the way you teach them to, and if you’re someone who always says “yes”, then that’s what they’re expecting.

You need to do what is right for you. Of course we do have real obligations in life to fulfill, but we do not have to do everything others want us to do.

【推荐1】There is an old Chinese proverb that states “One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade,” and this is how it should be with mothers and daughters. The relationship between a mother and a daughter is sometimes confusing. The relationship can be similar to friendship. However, the mother and daughter relationship has unique characteristics that distinguish it from a friendship. These characteristics include a hierarchy (等级) of responsibilities and unconditional love, which preclude mothers and daughters from being best friends.

Marina, 27 years old, said, “I love spending time with my mom, but I wouldn’t consider her my best friend. Best friends don’t pay for your wedding. Best friends don’t remind you how they carried you in their body and gave you life! Best friends don’t tell you how wise they are because they have been alive at least 20 years longer than you.” This doesn’t mean that the mother and daughter relationship can’t be very close and satisfying. This generation of mothers and adult daughters has a lot in common, which increases the likelihood of shared companionship. Mothers and daughters have always shared the common experience of being homemakers, responsible for maintaining and passing on family values and traditions. Today contemporary mothers and daughters also share the experience of work and technology, which may bring them even closer together.

Best friends may or may not continue to be best friends, but for better or worse, the mother and daughter relationship is permanent, even if for some unfortunate reason they aren’t speaking. Sometimes this is not an equal relationship. Daughters don’t always feel responsible for their mother’s emotional well-being. But mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. The mother and daughter relationship is a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. Mothers always “trump (胜过)” friends.

【推荐2】They were a happy family: four daughters all in the same school in different grades.The youngest, Janice, who was in my class, seemed to be glued (粘) to her mother's skirts.The three older girls took the bus to school every morning, but Janice was always driven to school by her mother.

One Friday, Janice's mother asked for a talk with me.She said in a soft voice, “My husband is going to Europe on business for two weeks, and he insists that I go with him.I have tried to explain over and over that Janice needs me here.But he thinks that she will be fine without me so I have no choice; I have to go.I have told the babysitter to drive her every morning.Will you please give Janice special attention and help her? I want to be sure everything goes well for her.”

I told her that we would make every effort to support Janice.I even volunteered to meet Janice at her car so she would see a familiar face.As a mother myself, I'd like to help.Janice's mother thanked me for our understanding.

On Monday morning, expecting a tearful, anxious child, I planned a special program of fun and games.I waited outside to greet Janice, but just then the bus arrived and not three, but four girls got off.Janice skipped along joyfully, saying “goodbye” to her sisters as she ran with two friends into the classroom.I walked slowly into the classroom and called Janice over to ask how the bus ride went.Impatiently she said, “Oh, I always want to take the bus with the other kids, but Mother needs to be with me.You see there won't be any more babies, so I have to be a baby a little longer.While she is away, I'll just ride the bus every day.I am five, you know.”

【推荐3】I never saw my father home from work late or ill, nor did I ever see my father take a “night out with the boys”. He had no hobbies but just took care of his family.

For 22 years, since I left home for college, my father called me every Sunday at 9:00 am. He was always interested in my life — how my family was doing. The calls even came when he and my mother were in Australia, England or Florida.

Nine years ago when I bought my first house, my father, 67 years old, spent eight hours a day for three days, painting my house. He would not allow me to pay someone to have it done. All he asked, was a glass of iced tea, and that I hold a paintbrush for him and talk to him. But I was too busy, for I had a law practice to run, and I could not take the time to hold the paintbrush, or talk to my father.

Five years ago, my 71-year-old father spent five hours putting together a swing set (秋千) for my daughter. Again, all he asked was that I get him a glass of iced tea, and talk to him. But again, I had laundry to do, and the house to clean.

The morning on Sunday, January 16, 1995, my father telephoned me as usual, this time he had seemed to have forgotten some things we had discussed the week before. I had to get to church, and I cut the conversation short.

The call came at 4:40 am. That day my father was sent to hospital in Florida. I got on a plane immediately, and I vowed (发誓) that when I arrived, I would make up for the lost time, and have a nice long talk with him and really get to know him.

I arrived in Florida at 1:00 am, but my father had passed away at 9:12 pm. This time it was he who did not have time to talk, or time to wait for me.

In the years since his death I have learnt much about my father, and even more about every single day.

【推荐1】When we think of leadership, we often think of strength and power. But what are these really, and how do they operate?

Leadership today is not about forcing others to do things. If this is even possible, it is short-term, and tends to backfire. If you order someone to do something against their will, they may do it because they feel they must, but the anger they feel will do more harm in the long-term. They will also experience fear.

Fear causes the thinking brain to shut down, making the person unable to function at his or her best. If they associate you with this emotion of fear, they will become less functional around you, and you will have succeeded in not only shooting yourself in the foot, but possibly making a very good employee or partner unable to perform effectively. Fear has no place in leadership.

The way we influence people in a lasting way is by our own character, and our understanding and use of emotion. We can order someone to do something, which may be part of the work day; or we can employ them at the emotional level, so they became fully devoted to the projects and provide some of their own motivation (积极性). Today’s work place is all about relationships. Anyone works harder in a positive environment in which they’re recognized and valued as a human being as well as a worker. Everyone produces just a bit more for someone they like. Leaders understand the way things work. They know the pay check is not the single most motivating factor (因素) in the work life of most people.

The true strength of leadership is an inner strength that comes from the confidence of emotional intelligence---knowing your own emotions, and how to handle them, and those of others. Developing your emotional intelligence is the single best thing you can do if you want to develop your relationships with people around you, which is the key to the leadership skills.

【推荐2】I’d like to share a little story with you about something that happened when I was four. I remember it clearly. Our loving family dog was nearing the end of his life. My father picked him up and put him in a little bed we had made for him. Our dog, my companion, whom we had cared for, bit my father when he attempted to help him. How could he? Why? I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t like him anymore.

I hadn’t thought about that story for a long time but something that happened last week brought it back to me. I went to speak with a friend. When I knocked on the door, I met in an instant an angry look and a few harsh(尖刻的)words. When the door was slammed(砰地关上)in my face, I stood there shocked, and in a rush, I was reminded of my dog bit my father 20 years ago or so. What brought that story back was that same feeling of betrayal.

Both stories taught me something the next day. You see, when I got up in the morning and was told my dog had died, it became clear to me that he must have been in great pain. For him to have bitten a family member, he could not have been himself. Much the same for the other story when I learned that my friend’s wife had just left him.

We are all beings of our environments, our opinions and feelings. And all of those things can cause you to say and do things that can’t be understood by those who are not in the same situation with you.

If you meet someone either behaving out of character or acting in a way that doesn’t seem to fit the situation, put out your hand and be patient when you think it is least possible for him to do so. You may turn around a story that has a sad ending simply by your actions.

【推荐3】In ancient Egypt, the pharaoh (法老) treated the poor message runner like a prince when he arrived at the palace, if he brought good news. However, if the exhausted runner had the misfortune to bring the pharaoh unhappy news, his head was cut off.

Shades of that spirit spread over today’s conversations. Once a friend and I packed up some peanut butter and sandwiches for an outing. As we walked light-heartedly out of the door, picnic basket in hand, a smiling neighbor looked up at the sky and said, “Oh, boy, bad day for a picnic. The weatherman says it's going to rain.” I wanted to strike him on the face with the peanut butter and sandwiches. Not for his stupid weather report, for his smile.

Several months ago I was racing to catch a bus. As I breathlessly put my handful of cash across the Greyhound counter, the sales agent said with a broad smile, “Oh, that bus left five minutes ago.” Dreams of head-cutting!

It’s not the news that makes someone angry. It’s the unsympathetic attitude with which it’s delivered. Everyone must give bad news from time to time, and big winners do it with the proper attitude. A doctor advising a patient that she needs an operation does it in a caring way. A boss informing an employee he didn’t get the job takes on a sympathetic tone. Big winners know, when delivering any bad news, they should share the feeling of the receiver.

Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this. When you’re tired from a long flight, has a hotel clerk cheerfully said that your room isn’t ready yet? When you had your heart set on the toast beef, has your waiter merrily told you that he just served the last piece? It makes you as traveler or diner want to land your fist (拳头) right on their unsympathetic faces.

Had my neighbor told me of the upcoming rainstorm with sympathy, I would have appreciated his warning. Had the Greyhound salesclerk sympathetically informed me that my bus had already left, I probably would have said, “Oh, that's all right. I’ll catch the next one.” Big winners, when they bear bad news, deliver bombs with the emotion the bombarded (被轰炸的) person is sure to have.