【推荐2】It’s certainly good to be nice. Whether it’s helping a friend with homework, watching their favorite shows even if they’re not your thing or giving up a little time and energy to do something for a friend is a praiseworthy decision. Or, one might be the bigger person and agree to take the short end of the stick in an argument, all to satisfy others and avoid further problems. Still, we need to control our niceness: niceness is valuable, but it’s definitely not without downsides.

To be clear. I’m not advocating（倡导）for selfishness. In fact, I’d encourage everyone to do small favors for the people they care about. Helping others makes us happy. It also gives us a greater sense of purpose and belonging, as we feel more connected to those we do favors for. The same goes for sacrificing （牺牲）a little on our part to end a disagreement, which might feel uncomfortable in the short term, but is in the end for the greater good.

Yet, we need to be careful about where our niceness comes from. When our desire（渴望）to help others comes from a need to be seen as a good or friendly person, our motivations （动机）become increasingly dangerous. For example, we might want others to relate to us, so we say that we like their favorite songs when we don’t. Being agreeable all the time makes us become a product of the people around us instead of having our own special personality.

Additionally, avoiding unreasonable agreeability is even more important. We can’t help offering to do too many favors because our desire to be seen as selfless and kind outweighs our worries for our own well-being. If you always support others emotionally, or help them with their studies, that habit might become part of how you view yourself. In other words, you see yourself as someone willing to lend a hand to others when they are in need.

Agreeability crosses the experiences of all kinds of people, and it can be especially true within communities where selflessness is important. From my experience at Harvey Mudd College, students are known for caring for others-offering to help their classmates with their studies. This common view of people’s willingness to help can put stress on Mudders to sacrifice their energy, even if they don’t have the skills to do so. Instead, they should remind themselves of their responsibilities, and then decide if they have the ability to lend a hand.

Finally, making kindness a habit is an honorable goal. But as with all things, moderation（适度）is key, and sometimes, sacrificing a little too much can cause more harm than good.