“Mom, I don’t like you; you’re not pretty now,” my five-year-old son said to me one day. Being a mother of two kids under three has certainly kept me busy. In prioritizing (优先处理) my family’s needs, my own needs are always put on the back burner.

By the end of the day, when I finally have time to think about doing something for myself, I’m too tired. I reach for a glass of wine and sink down into the sofa to watch some mindless TV entertainment. I escape. I let myself daydream.

With each passing day, I lose myself just a little bit more. Long ago, I waved goodbye to the fun-loving person I once was and saw the dull version of my new self.

But something changed on the day my son told me I wasn’t pretty. That night, in the mirror I noticed the light had gone out of my eyes. My kids had magical eyes. They shone with wonder, hope, and adventure. Contrarily, my eyes were dull. I once had light and a journal full of adventures.

Then, I decided to bring light back to my eyes. I listed new things to try before I turned forty years old. The first thing was participating in a Polar Plunge to raise money for the Special Olympics. I live in Minnesota and jumping into the middle of a frozen lake seems very appealing. On the morning of the Polar Plunge, I changed into my 1980s workout gear (健身装备). My son said, “Mom, you look pretty.”

But I hesitated when approaching the platform to take the leap into the frozen lake. Finally, I let go of my fear and got ready to embrace the challenge. I felt happy and proud of myself as I came up from the lake. I kept screaming, “I did it!”

Everyone who participated in the Polar Plunge received a blue T-shirt. Whenever I wear that shirt, my sons stated, “Mommy, you’re great. We want to do that, too”. It makes me proud.

Slowly, I am returning. I am showing my family it’s important to dream and achieve it. I reach out to my friends and family. I am rebuilding myself.

4 . Remembering names is an important social skill. Here are some ways to master it.

Recite and repeat in conversation.

When you hear a person’s name, repeat it. Immediately say it to yourself several times without moving your lips. You could also repeat the name in a way that does not sound forced or artificial.

Ask the other person to recite and repeat.

You can let other people help you remember their names. After you’ve been introduced to someone, ask that person to spell the name and pronounce it correctly for you. Most people will be pleased by the effort you’re making to learn their names.

Admit you don’t know.

Admitting that you can’t remember someone’s name can actually make people relaxed. Most of them will feel sympathy if you say, “I’m working to remember names better. Yours is right on the tip of my tongue. What is it again?”

Use associations.

Link each person yon meet with one thing you find interesting or unusual. For example, you could make a mental note: “Vicki Cheng — tall, black hair.” To reinforce (加强) your associations, write them on a small card as soon as possible.

Limit the number of new names you learn at one time.

When meeting a group of people, concentrate on remembering just two or three names. Free yourself from remembering every one. Few of the people in mass introductions expect you to remember their names. Another way is to limit yourself to learning just first names. Last names can come later.

Go early.

Consider going early to conferences, parties and classes. Sometimes just a few people show up on time. That’s fewer names for you to remember. And as more people arrive, you can hear them being introduced to others — an automatic review for you.