1 . It’s never easy to say “no”, especially when we’re asked by someone close to us, Maybe a friend is asking you for a favor, or a co-worker is asking you to cover their shift for the afternoon     1    . Don’t worry, We’ve put together some tips to help you politely refuse a request without feeling guilty or hurting anyone’s feelings in the process.

Be kind but forthright. Though you can always just say “no” on your own terms, you might find more success by padding your refusal with positivity.     2    . There’s no need to hide the real reason why you’re saying “no”, as long as you can express it in a polite manner. People will appreciate it if you tell them kindly and quickly why you can’t accommodate them.

    3    . It’s important to set boundaries (界限) with co workers and close friends alike. People shouldn’t expect they can take advantage of you or you’ll drop everything for them at the last minute. Aim for relationships in which both of you feel glad to say “yes” when you can but are also understanding when one of you can’t.

Offer a brief explanation. Providing a concise explanation as to why you’re refusing a request is one polite way to say “no”. For instance, if you already have other work this week that would prevent you from hitting a pew deadline, let the person know that. You’d better avoid adding too much fluff (无价值的东西) to your explanation.     4     .

Know yourself. Knowing yourself and your needs will help you decide if you should say“no”. Have a brainstorming session about areas where you have too much on your plate.     5    . You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can show up for others.

2 . It’s a great feeling when someone gives you a compliment (赞美), isn’t it?    1    When you compliment someone, he/she will become open and begin to talk with you. How do you give an appropriate compliment, though? It’s important to be sincere and specific about your praise.

When someone does an activity or a task particularly well, let him/her know about it by saying “You did a great job!”     2     For example, “That was a great presentation! I particularly liked the funny examples you used.”

    3    You can use “I like” or “I love” to start compliments, especially if someone wears a new coat or has a new haircut. For example, “I love your hair today” or “I like your skirt”.

When you’ve bought something new, it feels great when other people are excited about it. For example, if you take out your new mobile phone and a colleague says, “What a cool phone!”, it makes you feel like you made the right decision to buy it.

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Compliment someone on their personalities and you'll make a new friend. For example, if you like how happy a coworker is, you can tell him/her, “You are always so happy. It makes my day better.”    5     If you like how organized another colleague is, tell him/her, “I really appreciate how organized you are. I would love to be as organized as you.”

3 . Tips to help you overcome people-pleasing

Considering other people’s feelings and treating them with kindness is something we strive to do.    1    

When this happens, people-pleasing has crossed the line from kind and generous to self-abandonment — not being the authentic self because we’re afraid others will disapprove, criticize, or reject us. Here are tips for you to overcome such behaviors.

Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. It’s not something you do if you have time or if you deserve it. Taking care of your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs keeps you healthy. Without it, you’ll get sick, stressed, and irritable. Try putting self-care activities (exercise, socializing, hobbies, etc.) on your calendar to ensure that self-care is a priority.

One big mistake people-pleasers make is acting as if everyone’s opinion matters equally. You don’t differentiate whose opinion matters more. Generally, the closer the relationship, the more you’ll value their opinion and want to please them. Thus, it’s natural to want to do things to make your loved ones happy.     3    

Most people worry that painful conflicts will destroy relationships.     4     But it’s not helpful or possible. When you avoid conflict, you suppress your feelings and needs. And this causes you to disconnect from yourself and from others. But healthy conflict is the one in which both parties can respectfully express themselves.     5     This is quite different from the unhealthy conflicts.

4 . Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also seeking to understand the meaning and intention behind them. The word “active” implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others.

Be fully present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. It enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses and giving your full attention to the speaker. To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, and shut down your internal dialogue.     2     And let everything else slip away.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues (非言语暗示)

As much as 65% of a person’s communication is unspoken,     3    . This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key points. It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don’t convey any type of negative response.

Keep good eye contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what he or she says.     4     At the same time, you don’t want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels strange. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

Be patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. This also requires listening to understand, not to respond.     5     Also, don’t change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

5 . We all know the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. This is an old proverb we learn from an early age.    1    

Have you ever noticed that when you do something nice for someone else, it makes you feel better too? This isn’t just something that happens randomly (随机地).     2     Doing nice things for others increases your serotonin (血清素), which is responsible for feelings of satisfaction and well-being.

    3     While there are several ways to reduce anxiety, it turns out that being nice to others can be one of the easiest, most inexpensive ways to keep anxiety at bay. University of British Columbia researchers found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed significant increases in positive afct (积极情感) that lasted over the four weeks of their study. So, the next time you’re feeling anxious, look for opportunities to help others.

Making others feel good can “warm” your heart, sure — but being nice to others can also affect the actual chemical balance of your heart. Kindness releases the hormone oxytocin which reduces blood pressure and therefore protects the heart.    4     Maybe that’s why they say nice, caring people have really big hearts.

Kindness can help you live longer. You may be shaking your head at this one, but there’s science to back it up. According to Health.com, you’re at a greater risk of heart disease if you don’t have a strong network of family and friends. When you’re kind to others, you develop strong, meaningful relationships and friendships.    5    

6 . It’s natural for people to compare themselves with their peers. Peer pressure is a force that nearly everyone has faced at some point. If it’s not well handled, there might be some destructive consequences.    1     Below are tips on how to deal with peer pressure and avoid making tough decisions that may trigger unfavorable outcomes.

Find positive influence

At any age, it’s beneficial to stay involved with extracurricular activities like sports, music, art, or other hobbies. Team building activities can help increase self-confidence and create a support system that allows an individual to succeed. Additionally, enjoying hobbies and other harmless pastimes like exercising can release feel-good hormones.    2    

Plan ahead

Experiencing peer pressure, especially when in an unfriendly environment, can cause a person to panic and make impulsive decisions.    3     Think of different situations that spark discomfort and think about how to deal with peer pressure. It’s ok to give excuses to avoid making decisions that you may feel are not right for you.

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Positive influences, usually parents or siblings, can teach you how to deal with peer pressure directly. Having a trusted friend, family member, or another resource to call on can relieve some of the everyday life stresses. They can be there to give advice or just support the decisions you’ve made that you feel are right for you.

Convey feelings and emotions

Honesty goes a long way in reducing the harmful effects of peer pressure. Speak to the person or group of people who may be causing feelings of unease or uncertainty and kindly ask them to stop.     5    

7 . Saying “thank you” when you receive an unexpected gift is all well and good, but how can you get a little creative with your appreciation? As it turns out, there are plenty of ways to express your gratitude to others while remaining gracious and sincere.     1    . We’ll show you how to say thank you in exciting and meaningful ways!

I appreciate this.     2    . A great “thank you” involves expressing appreciation for the gift and explaining why you’re grateful. For added value, you can even describe what you’ll do with their gifts if you have an idea.

You’ve made my day! Show them that their gifts turned your day around. Telling someone that they made your day will make the giver feel that their gifts are much more meaningful and worthwhile.     3     .

It’s like you read my mind! Thank you. Compliment (恭维) their gift-giving skills.     4     , it can be likely that they really know you and are anticipating your needs without having to ask you what you want! Show them how touched you are by letting them know that their gifts are exactly what you want.

    5    . Show them how surprised you are. If someone goes out of their way to give you an unexpected gift, make sure they know they succeeded in their mission to surprise and delight you. Say “thanks” and express your shock at the same time. For example, you should have seen me; my eyes almost popped out of my head! Thank you for the lovely surprise.

8 . Have you ever struggled to understand how someone else feels? Building up your empathy (同理心) skills helps you connect with your friends.     1    

What is empathy?

Empathy is a kind of capability that lets you step into someone else’s shoes and then figure out how they are feeling. For instance, if you can see your friend is upset after losing a football match and you support them by telling them some warm and motivating words, you are showing empathy. Miranda McKeamey set up an organization called EmpathyLab that builds empathy through reading.     2     “Empathy is a force for change,” she says.

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Scientists say empathy isn’t something you are born with, it’s a skill you can acquire through learning. One way you can do this is by active listening. When someone is talking to you, listen closely and respond in a way that shows you understand their situations and emotions thoroughly. Reading, advocated by EmpathyLab, is also a great way to boost empathy, since stories can take you inside someone else’s mind and show you the world through their eves and emotions.

Put empathy into action.

    4     This could mean trying out something that is important to a friend or family member, like exploring their favorite place. EmpathyLab advocated ideas for putting empathy into action in schools or at home. That might be connecting with someone new in your class and having a friendly conversation, or making small changes to your behaviour. All small acts of kindness to others can make a difference, which in turn will be copied by someone else.     5    

9 . I came across some excellent tips on how to communicate better with others.    1     For that reason, it’s necessary that we all work on communicating as effectively (有效地) as possible. In order to help us communicate more effectively, I’m going to share the following tips.

Pause(停顿)before replying to others.    2     Sometimes just that 2-3 seconds’ break is just what you need to really understand what someone else has said or to come up with the thoughts you really want to pass on.

Be honest.    3     You don’t have to think about what you’re going to say wrong and you don’t have to worry about uncovering a secret. If you remain honest, you’ll have a much easier time communicating with others and others will be a lot more willing to communicate with you.

    4     Communication can be hard at times, which is why it’s so very important to be both patient and open-minded in communication. No matter what the situation is, there is a way to communicate. Sometimes it just takes time. Be patient and keep your mind open for new ways of sharing and understanding.

Ask for feedback（反馈）from others. When it’s all said and done, one of the best ways you can learn to communicate more effectively is to ask for feedback. Take some time to speak to those who you communicate with frequently to find out how you can improve on your communication with them.    5    

10 . Have you ever wondered why different people react differently to the things you say and do? Maybe you told your parents a story that made them laugh, but found that the same story was upsetting to the kids at school. What caused them to react so differently?     1    

Boundaries are the cut-off point between what a person finds funny and charming, and what they find hurtful and inappropriate.     2     You may not always share a person’s boundaries, but it’s still important to respect them.

    3     That’s why it’s especially important to be a good listener when you’re first getting to know someone. Listening will help you get a feel for the topics they are comfortable discussing.     4     If they become withdrawn when you bring up a certain topic, or they try to change subjects, you may be making them uncomfortable. Then it is better to pull back in the conversation, and let them take the lead for a while.

While many people won’t tell you directly that you’ve made them uncomfortable, some people will.     5     In that case, it’s always best to apologize and correct the offensive behavior. Failing to take a step back can create a lot of discomfort for the people around you. Most people can forgive a one-time slip, but you should avoid making the same mistake repeatedly, which can damage a friendship.