1 . We’ve all had things to apologize for. Whether on the playground or at the office, intentionally or not, we’ve hurt people. Research shows that apologies benefit us in many ways, which can reduce stress and ease heart rates, as well as boosting relationship well being and cooperation.     1    

Like so many other habits that are good for us, apologies must overcome our own mental barriers. When people know they’ve made a mistake and hurt somebody, they may still remain silent in the face of their wrong doings.     2    

First, the offender (冒犯者) may not be concerned with the relationship, especially if they have little empathy for the other person. The second barrier is the perceived threat to one’s self-image. Some people fear that apologizing will be both humbling and prove that they aren’t a good, moral person.     3     They worry that the offense is too great or that the offended won’t forgive them.

While this too is a possibility, in most cases the opposite is true, because people have a tendency to overestimate the negative consequences of apologizing and underestimate the benefits of apologizing. But once we’ve actually apologized, we both feel better, and it can really have a positive impact.

    4     Sometimes, it’s only the beginning of a settlement, for the other person may need time to forgive, or forgiveness may not come at all. That’s okay, because a true apology doesn’t come with the expectation of forgiveness. It’s not a confession (忏悔) by which you clean your morality by unburdening your mistakes on another.

    5     It says you’re sorry you hurt them, that the relationship is important to you, and that you will do better in the future.

3 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.     1     It gives you an assurance that you have people close by looking out for you. Here are easily applicable tips on creating stronger neighbor relationships.

The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.     2     It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune and opting for a potted plant or baked biscuits will do. These actions present excellent opportunities to connect with them.

Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.     3     When you borrow anything, return it in due time. If you accidentally break their things, replace them without being asked to.

    4     You could offer to babysit your neighbors’ kids, help with snow removals or even keep an eye on their home when they’re away. Such acts of reaching out to your neighbors make for stronger relationships.

As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.     5    

4 . Have you ever struggled to understand how someone else feels? Building up your empathy (同理心) skills helps you connect with your friends.     1    

What is empathy?

Empathy is a kind of capability that lets you step into someone else’s shoes and then figure out how they are feeling. For instance, if you can see your friend is upset after losing a football match and you support them by telling them some warm and motivating words, you are showing empathy. Miranda McKeamey set up an organization called EmpathyLab that builds empathy through reading.     2     “Empathy is a force for change,” she says.

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Scientists say empathy isn’t something you are born with, it’s a skill you can acquire through learning. One way you can do this is by active listening. When someone is talking to you, listen closely and respond in a way that shows you understand their situations and emotions thoroughly. Reading, advocated by EmpathyLab, is also a great way to boost empathy, since stories can take you inside someone else’s mind and show you the world through their eves and emotions.

Put empathy into action.

    4     This could mean trying out something that is important to a friend or family member, like exploring their favorite place. EmpathyLab advocated ideas for putting empathy into action in schools or at home. That might be connecting with someone new in your class and having a friendly conversation, or making small changes to your behaviour. All small acts of kindness to others can make a difference, which in turn will be copied by someone else.     5    

5 . How to Deal with a Colleague who Keeps Challenging Your Views

It can be difficult to develop an environment of teamwork when you continually run up against a colleague who challenges your views.     1    . This will ensure you respect one another, even when you disagree.

If a co-worker habitually challenges your ideas in a group discussion in a confrontational manner, don’t engage him or get into an argument. Pause for a moment, look the colleague in the eye.     2    . This will force the co-worker to either repeat his comment in front of everyone with the same level of confrontation, or soften his approach.

There’s a time and place for everything, including professional disagreements. If a colleague interrupts you or talks over you in an effort to contradict your point or insert (插入) his own opinion, gently remind him that you still have the floor. If the colleague is challenging something you say before you have a chance to address the point, note that as well.

    4    . Constructive debate and brainstorming can strengthen the overall performance of the entire team. Speak to your colleague at a time when you are emotionally stable. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to a respectful and civil way to discuss matters when it’s clear there’s no one ‘right’ answer?”

If a particular colleague has a long history of disagreeing with you, you might be able to anticipate his arguments or objections. Prepare rebuttals to address anything your colleague might throw at you.     5    . It also strengthens your points without being confrontational, and allows you to give him credit for his constructive comments when necessary.

6 . How do you express gratitude in your everyday life? For me, it sometimes feels worrying: hand-writing hundreds of thank you cards after an anniversary, or making sure to eat every last bite on my plate so my grandma wouldn’t think I was ungrateful for the meal.

    1    Here are some tips about how to be better at showing gratitude.

Start a gratitude journal or write a letter. Make it a habit to put down the things that you’re thankful for.     2     There’s also some evidence that it could lower your risk of heart disease and symptoms of depression for some people. Think of someone in your life who you have not had the chance to thank. Think of a specific instance when they helped you. Then, it’s a good idea to send them a letter.     3    

    4     Look around in your immediate space, and take notice of everything that makes up your environment: the sky, the cool wind, the warmth of your sweater. The act of simply noticing and naming things is a great way to stretch your gratitude muscle as well as obtain some clarity on the strength of all the unique connections in your life.

Bear in mind the difference between saying “thanks to” and “thanks for”. Being grateful “for” something can be a little unclear or general.     5     It encourages specificity and reminds you of your connection with and responsibility to that person or thing.

7 . Friendship is a practice of unconditional love, an opportunity to grow together towards fulfillment (成就), and a journey to unfold the most precious capacities of a human being.     1    Here 4 key points to develop and sustain a true friendship.

    2    Many times we blame the other person for what we feel, without realizing that we are presenting the bad power to him/her. This is not, however, something we must be afraid of or we should avoid. When we create a bond of affection with another human being, we are automatically vulnerable to the actions that are produced by this person. Being aware of that, we would be better off if we take responsibility and accept the emotions that come up in our inner world instead of blaming the other for what we are feeling.

Provide support and encouragement. Friendships aren’t all fun and games — they do require you put in some work. Say they’ve just quarreled with their parents or failed an exam. It’s your job to be there for them and provide them with whatever they need, starting with support and comfort.     3    

Whatever the case, make it apparent that you’re rooting for them.

Seek the good of the other person. When we love another person, we seek the good of the other because we gladden their own happiness. Therefore, our seeking for the other person’s good is totally disinterested. We serve the other without expecting anything in return.     4    

Accept the differences.     5    . Friendship welcomes differences and integrates them into a level of union that accepts and goes beyond them. Friendship involves recognizing that the value of the relationship is beyond our personal traits and belief system.

8 . It is so easy to just go home and shut your door without getting to know your neighbors. But being an active neighbor will turn your living place into a kinder and more caring neighborhood.

    1    . You don’t have to show up with a fresh apple pie or anything like that. It’s truly as simple as saying hello, introducing yourself and asking a few open-ended questions. But they are the first step to becoming a kind neighbor.

Then get out of your comfort zone and make efforts to know more about your neighbors.     2    . And if you feel comfortable, let them know that you’re there to help, if they ever need another hand.

Another way to show your neighbors that you care is by making your small acts of kindness a regular practice. This can be cleaning up the litter or even cleaning up after the pets have made a mess on your block.     3    , you can ask your partner or kids to pick a bunch of flowers from the garden to give your new neighbor.     4    .

Remind yourself that being connected feels good and boosts your mood in the long run. If you take the first step, your small acts of kindness can encourage others to pay that kindness forward.     5    . Challenging as they are, reaching out to your neighbors is worth the efforts.

9 . Meeting strangers is probably one of most people’s biggest fears, only second to speaking in front of a crowd. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be an experience as scary as you might think.     1     .

Go out alone. Don’t always go to events with a friend or family member.     2     . If you go with someone you’re familiar with, you’re more likely to stay and talk to the person you already know rather than try to talk with strangers.

    3     . Most people’s favorite topics are about themselves. Even if you don’t have an interesting icebreaker, you can always ask people to talk about themselves—they’ll be more than happy to oblige you. For example: ask what they do for a living, where they’re from, or what they studied in school.     4     . They’ll be excited to share their hobbies, and you might find that you have something in common!

Don’t be embarrassed if you’re visibly nervous. If your voice cracks or your handshake is sweaty, laugh it off. If you’re an amateur comedian and can make it into a joke, point it out and get people laughing with you. If it’s something that makes you feel less confident, just ignore it. Everyone gets nervous sometimes, so push past and continue on with the conversation.     5     .

10 . Think about that. If you are anything like me, you struggle to ask for help when you need it. It’s something a lot of humans battle with. You don’t want to be a burden on others. You are afraid to speak up, or want to prove that you can do it yourself.

You don’t ask for help when you don’t know how to do something or can’t manage it on your own, because you might be afraid of looking stupid or incompetent. You might pretend like you know what you’re doing when you’re really drowning. Perhaps you think asking for help is a sign of weakness; that if you ask for help you’re admitting you’re inadequate in some way; that you lack knowledge, skill or experience to do something yourself. You don’t want anyone to see that you’re struggling and you want people to think that you’re in control and can handle things.

There are tons of reason you won’t ask for help, but not to do so can be a mistake. You get in your own way if you make asking for help mean something negative about you when it doesn’t. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re stupid or inadequate. It simply means you need help with something specific for a time.

Confident people often ask others for help. They do so not only because they’re secure enough to let it be known they need help, but they know that trying to do everything themselves is not always the best use of their time, skills or energy. They recognize it can leave them feeling overwhelmed and stressed and then they can’t do things properly. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. They know that asking, “Can you help me?” shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask.