1 . My son just turned 14 and does not have a smartphone. When he graduated from Grade 8, he was the only kid in his class without one. He asks for a phone now that he’s going to high school. I say no, he asks why, I explain(yet again), and he pushes back.

“You can choose to do things differently when you’re a parent,” I told him. But sometimes, I wonder if I’m being too stubborn or unfair.

The more I research, the more confident I feel in my decision. Many studies link the current mental health crisis among adolescents to fundamental changes in how they socialize, namely, the shift from in-person to online interaction.

But other parents challenge my perspective. “He must feel so left out!” Then there are the parents who tell me with profound sadness that they wish they had delayed their teenager’s phone ownership longer than they did. They urge me to hold out.

If teenagers between the ages of 13 and 18 are truly spending an average of 8 hours 39 minutes per day on their devices, as stated in a 2021 survey conducted by the non-profit research organization Common Sense Media, then what are they not doing? Kids absorbed in their devices are missing out on real life, and that strikes me as really sad.

I want my son to have a childhood he feels satisfied with and proud of. I want it to be full of adventures, imaginative play and physical challenges which he must sort out himself—and emerge stronger—without asking for me at the push of a button.

The easiest and simplest way to achieve these goals is to delay giving him a smartphone.

Some think my son is missing out or falling behind, but he is not. He does well in school and extracurricular activities, hangs out with his friends in person, and moves independently around our small town. He swears (发誓) he’ll give his own 14-year-old a phone someday, and I tell him that’s fine. But recently, he admitted that he missed the beautiful scenery on a drive to a nearby mountain because he had been so absorbed in his friend’s iPad.

If that is his version of admitting I’m right, I’ll take it.

2 . “When I stopped in at our local tourism office in Montreal to ask where they would recommend visitors to go to smell, taste, and listen to the city, I just received blank stares. They only know about things to see, not about the city’s other sensory attractions, its soundmarks and smellmarks,” says Howes, the director of Sensory Studies, a growing field often referred to as “sensory urbanism”.

Around the world, researchers like Howes are investigating how non-visual information defines the character of a city and affects its livability. Using methods ranging from low-tech sound walks to data collecting, wearables (clothing or glasses that contain computer technology), and virtual reality, they’re fighting what they see as a limiting visual preference in urban planning.

“Just being able to close your eyes for 10 minutes gives you a totally different feeling about a place,” says Oguz Öner, an academic and musician. He has spent years organizing sound walks in Istanbul where participants describe what they hear at different spots with their eyes covered. His research has identified locations where a wave organ could be constructed to strengthen the sounds of the sea, something he was surprised to realize people could hardly hear, even along the waterfront.

Although his findings have not been considered into local urban plans yet, this kind of individual feedback (反馈) about the sensory environment is already being put to use in Berlin, where quiet areas identified by citizens using a free mobile app have been included in the city’s latest noise action plan.

The best way to determine how people react to different sensory environments is a subject of some debate within the field. Howes and his colleagues are using observation and interviews to develop a set of best practices for good sensory design in public spaces. Other researchers are going more high-tech, using wearables to track biological data like heart-rate variability to reveal different sensory experiences.

As data collection about people’s sensory experiences becomes more widespread, many of these experts warn that concerns about privacy and surveillance (监视) need to be taken into account. Issues of fairness and inclusion also come into play when determining whose sensory experiences are factored into planning. “Sensory awareness is not independent or simply biological; whether we find something pleasant or not has been shaped culturally and socially,” says Monica Degen, an urban cultural sociologist at Brunel University London.

Degen cites the example of a London neighborhood where inexpensive restaurants for local youth were replaced by trendy cafes. “It used to smell like fried chicken,” she says, but newer residents found that smell annoying rather than welcoming. “Now it smells like the popular Italian coffee, cappuccinos.”

Gather a couple of friends and take a leisurely walk through the streets—this is    1    many youngsters enjoy doing when they visit a new city. To them, citywalk means wandering around the city on foot. Participants can follow a distinctive urban route,    2     (explore) the city at their own pace. Compared with famous    3    (spot) and big crowds, they prefer to gain a more inclusive experience of the places they visit.

If you feel like you may be a people-pleaser, you’re not alone. In today’s highly-connected world, we have a growing obsession (痴迷) with being liked and needing to please others. People seek to please others for various reasons, including avoiding conflicts, securing feelings of being needed, and reducing fears of abandonment. And they are forced to use agreeableness as self-defense.

People-pleasing behavior can lead to mental and physical health problems such as fear of rejection, frustration, anger, addictions, headaches, stomach problems, and high blood pressure. It can also result in weak boundaries, problems with decision-making and dependency. Therefore, it’s important to recognize and overcome your own people-pleasing behaviors. Here are some simple exercises that you can start working on today.

Learn to love your own company. Trust that people will not abandon you, even if you don’t drop everything for them. Believing you are lovable for who you are, not what you do, means knowing that people will still be there for you even if you do not always search for ways to please them. Practice this by going to a movie or restaurant alone.

Value the plans made with yourself. They are as important as plans you make with other people. Otherwise, you are sending a message to your brain that a plan you make with yourself does not hold as much value. Don’t break long-or short-term plans you make with yourself, whether it’s going to the gym or studying for an exam.

Say “no” when necessary. If you’re a people-pleaser, you may find it hard to say “no” because you feel it comes across as cruel or uncaring. But it absolutely does not have to. Be clear, be direct, and use “I” statements. Try statements like: “I would really love to be able to help you, but unfortunately, I’m already committed at that time.” By consistently integrating these strategies into your life, you’ll break your people-pleasing habits and develop more healthy, interdependent relationships.

5 . Demanding days seem designed to test our self-control. We all need to rely on willpower to avoid short-term temptations and override unwanted thoughts or impulses (冲动). The prevailing psychological theory proposed that willpower resembled a kind of battery. With each exercise of self-control, you exhausted this resource. Without a chance to recharge, that resource ran low, making it harder to maintain self-control. This process was known as “ego depletion”.

In 2010, however, psychologist Veronika Job published a study that questioned the foundations of “ego depletion” theory, with some interesting evidence that ego depletion depended on people’s underlying beliefs. In the study, Job divided participants into two categories: those with a “limited” view of willpower and those with a “non-limited” view of willpower, based on a prior questionnaire. She then gave the participants some standard laboratory tests examining mental focus, which was considered to depend on the reserves of willpower. The study found that people with a limited mindset tended to perform exactly as ego depletion theory would predict but the non-limited individuals did not, which indicated that people’s beliefs about willpower could be self-fulfilling prophecies (预言). Those who believed willpower was easily depleted saw their self-control decrease, while those who believed in “mental stamina (耐力)” experienced no ego depletion.

Subsequent debates about the reliability of the laboratory tests of ego depletion emerged, but Job’s work demonstrated that mindset significantly impacted real-life outcomes. Her follow-up study revealed that after completing demanding tasks, most participants recovered to some degree overnight, but those with non-limited mindsets actually experienced an increase in their productivity the following day, as if energized by the extra pressure.

If you already have a non-limited mindset about willpower, these findings might be a cause for self-satisfaction. For those with limited mindsets, hope is not lost. Learning about this science can help shift beliefs. Sharing this knowledge with others can further consolidate this shift. Moreover, recollecting times of engaging in taxing yet enjoyable tasks naturally shifts people’s beliefs toward non-limited mindsets, as they see proof of their own men tal stamina. To provide yourself with further evidence, you can conduct small self-control tests. As you realize your willpower’s growth, you’ll find resisting temptations and distractions easier.

While immediate miracles aren’t guaranteed, perseverance will lead to a changed mindset and increased self-control, propelling actions toward personal goals.

Everyone needs it, but no one wants to ask for it. “Help” has become a sort of dirty word, implying weakness and neediness, that we can’t handle our problems on our own. However, whether it be for your physical, mental or academic health, getting words of advice or encouragement from an outside source can make all the difference.

During a time of such uncertainty, the frequency of people requesting help for anxiety and depression has increased. The current situation has made people realize they can’t be alone with their thoughts, and that asking for help from professionals is the best way to get their problems off their chests and their minds on the road to wellness.

Still, requesting help carries a societal weight. The British Psychology Society found that two types of stigmas (羞耻、耻辱) exist: public stigma and self stigma. A “public stigma” is external, a collection of beliefs from around us, which holds a heavy weight on our ideas on seeking help. A “self stigma” is internal, assigning ourselves labels based on our state of mental health, claiming we are worthless and undeserving of help. “Public” and “self” stigmas go hand in hand, and when we hear the stigmas being voiced by those around us, we tend to apply them to ourselves because of social influences, especially those concerning mental health.

To be our better selves, we have to break the stigma around “help” and accept the fact that some problems are too tough to overcome on our own. If we fail to break the stigma around the word “help”, we ignore the increasingly more relevant necessity of getting ourselves assistance in times of need. Despite what society may tell us, it’s not odd or wrong to get help — it’s probably one of the most insightful and courageous things we can do for ourselves.

Each one of us should be able to openly admit that we need help, whether it be for problems we face with school or for internalized struggles with mental health. Sometimes we need support, and that isn’t bad — it’s healthy, and remarkably brave.

It’s after midnight and you’ve been studying all day. Empty energy drinks line the table and you sigh, “Tomorrow, I’ m getting ice cream. I deserve to treat myself.”

This year, the so-called “treat yourself culture” has expanded far beyond what was once a reward-based mindset. Now, “treating yourself” has become more about stress-caused indulgence (放纵). It represents the more deep-seated issues with the stress we regularly put ourselves under.

The root of the problem lies in our belief that we should be doing more work if it isn’t hard enough. Especially at a top university, I constantly find myself wanting to do more. I want more credits, a higher-grade point average, and more responsibilities I’ll later use as conversation topics in interviews. This drive is by no means a bad thing. We all are trying to eventually land in a place where we can relax and live a more enjoyable life. However, there are a lot of problems with this logic. Without sounding completely hopeless and pessimistic, it is possible that the future we imagine in our twenties will not become reality. Therefore, it is important to integrate things that make us happy with work, school or life induced stress.

Psychology certainly supports this belief. While having good self-control was positively associated with happiness, being able to enjoy life’s little pleasures without feeling ashamed of doing so is just as important. For example, even if you have a busy schedule of work, make time to stop by your favorite coffee shop or spend ten minutes to go on a walk outdoors.

I cannot urge you to give up your late nights of studying, energy drinks and all. I cannot tell you to always choose to do something that makes you happy over something you have or should do. Frankly, this is just not the way life works. We have to put up with the hard work and put in the time. Without pain, we’d also lose happiness and joy. It’s all about balance.

So, instead of looking at everything as a way to handle the stress and something to “treat myself”, let’s try to make treating ourselves a far more common practice in the busy lives we lead.