【推荐2】The daughter shouted as soon as she entered the door, “This world is too unfair!” It turned out that she was talking to her deskmate while having a math class. She was caught by the teacher. And finally she and her deskmate were both punished.

“It’s fair. I said. ” That’s not fair! There were clearly several classmates who were talking at the time, but the teacher stared at us and only punished us,” she said angrily.

I knew that my daughter cared about this matter. I asked her, “Should you be punished for speaking in class?” She nodded, but said at the same time, “It is unfair for me that the teacher didn’t punish other students who spoke!” I told her, “Don’t talk about others. Just look at yourself. Was it wrong to punish you?” She lowered her head and answered, “No.” I said, “That’s fair! You know what the price of speaking in class is. You did it and got the punishment. So it’s fair. The teacher didn’t punish others, because she could choose to forgive, but it didn’t mean unfair.” My daughter could not understand. But she was not as angry as the moment she entered the door.

People are often like this. Standing and looking at themselves, they are very clear about what they are doing. They also know what their rewards and punishments should be, but the unfair mentality (心理) is that when they look up at others. The feeling about unfair comes from comparing with others. The most important thing is to understand fairness in a deeper way, not only from your point of view!

【推荐1】Matly Gregg, a 40-year-old former Apple engineer, needed a change in his life. So, he decided he would run across the country.

Gregg wants to run for office in 2022 in New Hampshire and hopes to get in touch with the “real America” by running 5,075 miles across the country before he does so. He is also trying to raise $ 1 million for Firefighter Cancer Support Network. “It’s a great conversation starter with complete strangers,” Gregg said. “I think we can raise $ 1 million, and I also think our firefighters are worth it, especially in light of what’s happening now in California.”

Gregg stated his run on November 6. So far, he has been averaging about 25 miles a day and has made stops in Santa Cruz and Salinas, California. “I’ve had this goal for a very long time, ever since the Terry Fox Story. That movie inspired me to start running as a kid, and running across the country. I always felt it would be something that would change my life.” Gregg said. “My family loves it. We’re all a little ambitious. My coworkers mostly think I’m crazy. My friends love that I’m taking a different path to my life knowing that I was very comfortable at Apple,” Gregg said. “But I see real places in this world where I can make a larger impact, and I need to get out there and learn more before I can help.”

Gregg recently purchased his childhood home on his 40th birthday — the house had been off the market for 20 years. “The idea that I’m running back to it keeps me motivated every day. My father passed away when I was young, and he built that house,” Gregg said. “I’ve only spent two days in it (I haven’t slept in it yet), and I can say nothing will make me more thrilled than the moment when I am to go back to it to explore.”

【推荐2】I was born in a poor community on the north side of Boston, US, raised by a single mother who didn’t finish 3rd grade, lived each day on food stamps and attended what the media called “the most dysfunctional (功能失常的) public school district”. Not many people expected much of me, so I had to expect something of myself.

On my 13th birthday, I bought a poster of Harvard to hang in my room. Being at Harvard became what dreamt about. Even when my electricity was cut off and I woke up at 5:30 am to pitch blackness, I knew that my poster of Harvard was still hanging only two feet away from me.

Reminding myself of my goal each day made it easy to say no to the same choices I saw my peers making, because those paths wouldn’t have gotten me closer to my goal. Even poverty (贫穷 ) could not take away my power to decide what I choose to do with my day. The poster gave me the courage to cold email about 50 Harvard students so I could ask for feedback on my application essays; it gave me the energy to study just one more hour on my SATs when my friends were asleep; and it gave me the determination to submit just one more scholarship application when 180 others had already turned me down.

Every day I could feel myself getting closer and closer to my goal as my writing got better, my SAT score increased, and my scholarship checks started coming in. Finally, an email arrived from Harvard. The first word was “Congratulations!”. A month later, Harvard flew me up to visit the campus where for the first time I stepped onto my dreaming land.

Who you are today is the result of the decisions you made yesterday, and who you will be tomorrow will be the result of the choices you make today. Who do you want to be tomorrow?

【推荐3】Dropping off my three-year-old boy at preschool, I came across Jessica, a fellow mom in pain about the upcoming Valentine’s Day party craft. Despite my exhaustion (筋疲力尽), I offered to deal with it for her. Later that night, my husband Eric found me cutting out construction paper hearts for Jessica’s project, in addition to the one I’d already prepared for our son’s party. Observing my stress, he questioned why I always put myself in such situations. It was a moment of reflection on my tendency to overpromise and please others, even at the cost of my own well-being.

I often did things I didn’t want to do because I was afraid of disappointing someone. It didn’t take long on the Internet to discover that I’m a people pleaser, eager to earn the acceptance of others. Eric was right. I couldn’t go on like this. So I spoke with two experts to find out how to balance a healthier relationship with helping others.

I told psychotherapist Kate Crocco, author of Drawing the Line: How to Achieve More Peace and Less Burnout in Your Life, about offering to do Jessica's craft. “People pleasers sometimes think that if they don’t bend over backward for others, the other person won’t survive. We need to believe that our friends and family can figure out things for themselves,” she says.

Karen Ehman, author of When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable: How to Break the Pattern of People Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life, says, “People pleasers are often passive about how they spend their time. They can be easily swayed and fill their time with someone else’s plans and then become overwhelmed (被压垮的).”

I wondered if I could learn to say no without feeling guilty (内疚的). Recently hosting the family Easter celebration posed a significant task for my husband, one of eight children, and I needed to help. Meanwhile, the community leader requested my assistance in teaching the kindergarten class on Easter Sunday. Politely, I turned down. The community leader expressed understanding and mentioned seeking other volunteers. While it wasn’t a completely guilt-free refusal, it marked a long-awaited step in the right direction.