【推荐1】A workable and pretty easy solution to improving your listening skills is that you begin to realize how much of your ability to be an effective listener is really about you, not the other person and how fascinating or boring they are.     1    

We tend to assume that listening is little more than showing up and paying attention to the other person.     2     It’s worth noticing how we instinctively (本能地) listen in conversation and whether or not that given listening mode is really what’s called for.

You need to identify your personal “hot spots”.     3     Whether it’s talking about climate change or Father’s Day, when you are not interested at all, you realize it is hard to concentrate. That kind of self-knowledge comes by having a scientific approach and observing yourself in action.

    4     For example, your surrounding environment, the topic at hand, or even particular company may affect your ability to listen. When you do this, you can more easily see what gets in the way of your ability to listen and understand. Thus that makes many of our work-related conversations much easier.

In a performance review or heated debate, you can remind yourself if you’re having an emotional response to feedback and are having trouble hearing the other person out. Observing and learning from your behavior, and noticing how you are affected by your surroundings help you uncover your unique needs for doing your best listening.     5    

【推荐2】True, people remember what you wear. After a social event, we all remember the woman in red, or the man with the top hat. On the red carpet, Hollywood hopefuls take advantage of this reality by wearing outfits designed to be discussed and displayed on the front pages of newspapers. But in terms of making a good impression, being memorable is not just about novelty or fashion, but attraction, both physical and emotional, often in opposite order of importance.

In a 2020 study, Andre Ndobo found people tended to remember the extremes: both attractive and unattractive faces. He acknowledged that one suggested explanation was that both are characterized by distinctive features that promote facial recognition when compared with faces of average attractiveness. But while distinctiveness is memorable, beauty is skin deep. Accordingly, the way you are remembered by others is often not about what you wear and how you look but about the way you make people feel.

Professional interaction can create positive personal memories. Adrie A. Koehler, in a piece entitled “In the Eye of the Beholder” (2017), found that when asked to recall their best learning experience, many students discussed a memorable teacher. What made the teachers memorable? According to the students, memorable qualities included not only teaching styles, but also interpersonal skills and positive qualities such as a sense of humor.

We can relate to the results of this study when recalling people who are memorable in our own lives. They are not always people who we believed to be the smartest or most believed, but often those who made us feel the most comfortable, and who were most interested in us. Sincere interest is uniquely attractive. Not only will you remember what someone said, but they will also remember you, fondly.

Regardless of what we wear or how we look, we are always naturally more appealing and approachable when we focus on others and when we are genuine rather than simply sociable. Remember that, and others will remember you.