6 . You’ve heard an old Chinese saying before: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. You may even be nodding your head in agreement right now. However, we can have a different understanding about it.

When a person is starving, that’s not the time to fill their head with knowledge but to first give the person a fish eradicating their hunger and only then teach them to fish. Far too often, people ignore this common sense first step. They see someone who is struggling, and they rush to offer wisdom. “Let me tell you what I’d do in your position,” a well-meaning individual might offer.

But few of us understand the anxiety, confusion and uncertainty that come with overwhelming need. People meeting with personal disasters don’t have the ability to think straight. Their nerves may be shot. Their confidence may be non-existent. Can you imagine what it would be like to be in that person’s situation?

Rushing to offer a struggling person long-term advice is a waste of time. Instead, it makes far more sense to help them regain their emotional balance. Once their ears, heart and mind open, you’ll have an opportunity to teach a new skill.

But how do we know whether a person needs a fish before a fishing lesson? Two things: One is the ability to pay attention. We need to know whether the other person is open and receptive, or looking at the world through narrowed eyes? You can’t just take their words but have to look at how the person acts and what they don’t say. The other is empathy(共情). The more successful you are, the harder it is to imagine what it must be like to be the opposite. Try to create a safe environment for emotional acceptance before the fishing lesson.

9 . College visits are important. Before you commit years of your life and money to a school, be sure you’re choosing a place that is a good match for your personality and interests. You can’t get the “feel” of a school from any guidebook, so be sure to visit the campus. Below are a few tips for getting the most out of your college visit.

Explore on Your Own

Of course you should take the official campus tour, but be sure to allow time to hang around on your own. The trained tour guides will show you a school’s selling points. But the oldest and prettiest buildings don’t give you the entire picture of a college. Try to walk the extra mile and get the complete picture of the campus.

Read the Bullet in Boards

When you visit the student center, academic buildings and residence halls, take a few minutes to read the bulletin boards. They provide an easy way to see what’s happening on campus. The ads for lectures, clubs and plays can tell you what’s going on outside the classrooms.

Eat in the Dining Hall

You can get a good feel for student life by eating in the dining hall. Try to sit with students if you can. Do the students seem happy or stressed? Also, is the food good? Are there enough healthy options? Many admission offices will give prospective students coupons (优惠券) for free meals in the dining halls.

Visit a Class in Your Major

If you know what you want to study, a class visit makes a lot of sense. You’ll get to observe other students in your field and see how involved they arc in classroom discussion. Try to stay after class for a few minutes and chat with the students to get their impressions of their professors and major. Be sure to call in advance to schedule a classroom visit-most colleges don’t allow visitors to drop in at class unannounced.

Talk to Lots of Students

Your campus tour guide has been trained to market the school. Try to talk to students who aren’t getting paid to impress you. These important conversations can often provide you with information about college life that isn’t part of the admission script. Few university officials will tell you if their students spend all weekend drinking or studying, but a group of random students might.