3 . I live on Canada’s west coast and my son lives on its east coast. He has visited his mother and me a number of times and we have visited him there with some ______. We also talk online each week. However, because of Covid-19 travel restrictions and the long ______ between us, we hadn’t seen him ______ for more than two years. His mother is ill so we had talked about a possible future visit with him coming to us but nothing had been decided yet.

Then, one day, there was a knock at the door and when I opened it, in walked my son carrying a pot of flowers. He hadn’t told us he was coming and seeing him was a wonderful ______ and I was in tears.

I think that, as parents we tend to think of our children as being young and being in need of ______ even when they have reached adulthood. ______, though, the ______ appearance of my son and his month-long visit let me see him in a whole new light. My wife needs a lot of ______ these days and our son stepped up to help. There were some repairs and he helped to make them happen. He is a homeowner and is therefore skilled at fixing and ______ the things. He helped to prepare food, to help his mother get ______ when she had to move around, to make some repairs that I had been ______ and, in general, he took from me a(n) ______ I was carrying. I found I was working under his direction because of his outstanding skill. Through it all I could work shoulder to shoulder with this ______, confident man that I loved and admired. It was a wonderful and surprising experience.

My son left recently for his home and again I was in tears but it was ______ somehow. When he arrived I was crying because I was so happy to see him and so ______ to have someone help me take care of his mother. When he left, I shed tears of pride that such a wonderful person is my son and he honors me by calling me “dad”.

It was a Saturday. Whether it was sunny or cloudy, hot or cold, I cannot remember, but I do remember it was a Saturday because the shopping mall was packed with people. I was with my mom. Mom is short and skinny. It is easy to overlook her in a crowd simply because she is nothing extraordinary to see.

On that day we walked down the road, taking quick looks at window boutiques (精品店) because we both knew we wouldn’t be buying much, like always. I remember I was looking up at the people we passed as we walked. Ladies wore five-inch heels (高跟鞋) that clicked importantly on the floor and bright, luxury clothing. An uneasy feeling started to settle in my chest. I tried to push it out, but once it took root it refused to go. It got more unbearable with every second until I could deny it no longer; I was ashamed of my mother.

We were in a high-class neighborhood, I knew that. We lived in a small, overpriced apartment building that hung on to the edge of our county that Mom chose to move to because she knew the schools were good. As I looked at the passers-by and then turned accusing eyes on Mom. I realized for the first time that we didn’t belong there. I could see the deep wrinkles around Mom’s eyes and mouth. She wore cheap, old clothes, and shoes with the soles (鞋底) worn down. Her eyes were tired from working long hours to make ends meet and her hair was too gray for her age. I looked at her, and I was ashamed.

My mom is nothing extraordinary, yet at that moment she stood out because she was just so plain. Saying I’d meet her at the clothes store around the corner, I hurried away to the bathroom. I didn’t want to be seen with her, although there was no one important around to see me anyway. When I finally made my way to the store with hesitant steps, I found that Mom wasn’t there.

With no other options, I had to search the other stores in the area for her.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I felt ashamed of myself, facing Mom’s offer.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

6 . Sometimes our friends’ behavior can offend (冒犯) us; sometimes we can see changes they need to make — but how do we tell them?     1    

It’s important to have solid evidence that there is indeed a problem. Evidence that can be agreed upon makes it easier for other people to recognize issues.     2     Psychologist Andrea Bonior suggests framing problems with “I”. Saying “I feel hurt that you spend less time with me” is less accusatory (谴责的) than “You never spend time with me!” and is focused more clearly on the impact.

    3     Becoming tense might lead you to react badly and cause an argument. Bonior recommends that you should acknowledge the conversation could make you anxious. If you think about this yourself, it can help you focus on positive results. If you admit your anxiety to your friend, you will show a more human side. Another psychologist, Laura Brennan, points out how it’s important that we let go of our ego (自我) and don’t focus on the need to be proved right. This can help reduce tension.

    4     Many experts recommend planning your words so that you can say things in a way that avoids conflict. However, Bonior cautions against overplanning, as this can stop you from being flexible enough to genuinely follow and participate in the discussion.

Be realistic. Complicated problems are unlikely to be solved with one conversation. Consider what is possible in one discussion and that it may be harder than you initially thought.     5    

Joey sat at the kitchen table, reading the sports page of the morning paper. He heard his grand-father coming down the stairs. When his grandfather came into the kitchen, Joey could see he wasn’t his usual happy self.

“Morning, Grandfather,” he said. His grandfather sat across the table and didn’t pick up the paper to read. Instead, he asked, “Joey, is anything happening in town today?”

“There’s a ball game between Doraville Middle School and my school tonight,” Joey told him. “It’ll be a close race, but I think we’ll win. Would you like to go?”

Joey felt bad for his grandfather. He knew he couldn’t read. His grandfather had told him of-ten, “I didn’t have the chance to go to school regularly. Looking after the animals and tending to the crops on the farm were much more important in those days than learning to read.”

One day, Joey stopped at the library to look through some books. He saw a sign on the library wall. It read: “Do you know somebody who doesn’t read? We can help. Just call this number.” Joey hurried home and showed the sign to his grandfather. “Somebody can teach you how to read. It says so right here,” Joey explained. Joey jotted the number down.

Several days later, Grandfather put on his best suit of clothes for his first day of school. He arrived at the library an hour early and met with his teacher. During that first class, he was so worried and nervous that he couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t remember anything the teacher said. A few weeks later, Grandfather was studying when he looked up at Joey and said, “I’m too old to learn all of this.” He closed the book in frustration. “Oh, Grandfather, don’t get discouraged,” Joey said. Grandfather was stubborn. “I can’t do it,” he said.

“How about letting me help you?” Joey asked.

Months later, one day his grandfather told Joey that he had something important to share with him.

With a wide smile on her face, 15-year-old Sirin eagerly rushed to her mom to show off her new painting. But Mom raised her eyebrows with eyes wide open, and spoke impatiently, “No time, baby. Right now I am busy with an important talk. Just wait for some time, OK?”

Holding her oil painting, she frowned (皱眉),and then searched for her dad. “Dad, see what I have done,” Sirin exclaimed cheerfully. Her dad turned around while adjusting his tie, grinned at her, and showed his thumbs up!

Immediately, Sirin replied angrily, “Dad, you haven’t seen it yet.”

He smiled at her saying, “No time, baby. I will see it later.” He just patted her back lovingly, kissed her forehead, and rushed for his office.

She was not a kid to be pleased with simple gesture or smile. She stood there for a few seconds, and then stormed off to her own bedroom. Hot air was blowing from her nostrils (鼻孔) ; her face turned into apple red. She threw the painting on the table, slammed the door and threw herself on her bed.

“Why is everybody so busy?” She recalled thousands of incidents that hurt her in preschool, middle school and even in high school too! She assumed at least her own family members would give some values to her thoughts, but they were no exception. Unconsciously, her eyes were filled with tears.

The knocking sound on the door put a sudden stop to her thought. Her mom was calling her for dinner. Sirin deliberately (故意地) came late to join them. She kept silent and didn’t look at anyone, scratching the table mat with her nail. Her mom was puzzled at the unusual behavior. Suddenly the morning incident came to mind. Softly, she asked, “ Honey, did I do anything wrong? ”

At this very moment, Sirin could no longer resist her anger.

When back from school the next day, Sirin was surprised to see her beautifully-decorated paining on the wall.