1 . “Have you checked the oil in the car?” my father used to say to me, his way of “Hello, hope you are well.” Sometimes our phone calls would begin with a question about the oil and end with a question about the oil, with not a lot in between.

Fathers have a lot of love to give, but it’s often offered by means of practical advice. In my experience: It’s mostly about my car. “How’s the car running?” “Did you get it serviced?” My car — an old green Toyota Corona bought for $500 — was where my father showed his love.

Why can’t we fathers just say “I love you” or “It’s great to see you”? The point is: that’s exactly what we are saying. You just have to translate from the language that is Fatherlish. Listen closely enough and the phrase “I love you” can be heard in the slightly longer “I could come around Saturday and repair your chair.” The words “You made my life better from the moment you were born” may be hardly heard, but the main meaning is there in the more common “I’ll hold the ladder while you get the leaves down from the roof.”

When I was 17, I went on my first road trip — a friend and I in that old car. My father stood on the corner on a cold morning to say goodbye. “Highways are dangerous,” he said, “so don’t try overtaking anything faster than a horse and buggy. And take a break every two hours. And every time you stop for gas, you really should check the oil.” At the time we thought his speech was pretty funny and would sing “horse-and-buggy” every time I tried to overtake some other speeding cars.

Dad’s long gone now. But after all these years, I realize that had I owned a copy of the Fatherlish-to-English dictionary, I’d have understood that the speech my friend and I so carelessly laughed at was simply Dad’s attempt at love.

4 . My nephew Tyden and I were celebrating another nephew’s birthday at a local amusement center. It was the kind of place where you got tickets for scoring points in the games and then cashed them in for prizes.

Tyden won top prize of tickets，so we went to cash them in and select his gifts. I felt a little sad because my loved one and I had our first date at this center and had exchanged little things from the showcase. I noticed a turtle and remembered my partner loved it. I asked the young man behind the showcase if I could just buy the turtle without tickets. He said. “Unluckily. that is not a choice.”

I needed to win 350 tickets to cash the turtle in.so I left Tyden choosing his gift alone there. I bought game tokens（代币）and entered the game room. I had just chosen a game I thought I could win when I heard Tyden's excited voice，“Auntie，Auntie！Look！”

He pulled the turtle out from behind his back and gave it to me. My eyes were filled with tears. and my heart burst with love. He had listened to that whole conversation and chosen to give the turtle to me instead of getting whatever he wanted.

Before I could thank him. he said，“I wanted you to have it，so you didn't have to spend money，which would cause you to work hard”.

I held him in my arms，and told him how much I loved him. I am beyond thankful to have the title of his Auntie

5 . It’s not easy being a teenager —— nor is it easy being the parent of a teenager. You can make your child feel angry, hurt or misunderstood by what you say without realizing it yourself. It is important to give your child the space he needs to grow while gently letting him know that you’ll still be there for him when he needs you.

Expect a lot from your child, just not everything. Except for health and safety problems, such as drug use or careless driving, consider everything else open to discussion. If your child is unwilling to discuss something, don’t insist he tell you what’s on his mind. The more you insist, the more likely that he’ll clam up. Instead，let him attempt to solve things by himself. At the same time，remind him that you’re always there for him if he should seek advice or help. Show respect for your teenager’s privacy. Never read his mail or listen in on personal conversations.

Teach your teenager that the family phone is for the whole family. If your child talks on the family’s telephone for too long, tell him he can talk for l5 minutes, but then he must stay off the phone for at least all equal period of time. This not only frees up the line so that other family members can make and receive calls, but teaches your teenager moderation(节制).Or if you are open to the idea, allow your teenager his own phone that he pays for with his own pocket money or a part-time job.

6 . How to Support a Friend Struggling with Their Mental Health?

Maybe you've noticed a friend is opening up to you for the first time about their anxiety.     1    . Here is what you can do when supporting someone who's struggling with their mental health.

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Instead of making assumptions about what would be helpful to your loved one，ask them directly, “How can I support you?” Remember what you may need when you're struggling may not be what someone else needs when having a hard time.

Offer to help with everyday tasks 

Many people struggling with their mental health may find it difficult to make basic decisions. Instead of using a common phrase “I'm here if you need me”，try to be specific about what you're offering.     3    

Celebrate their wins, including the small ones 

When a person is struggling with their mental health, every day can be full of challenges.    4    . This can help affirm their feelings of agency. This could look like thanking them for being so honest or congratulating them for going to work.

Read up on what they're struggling with 

    5    . Take the time to educate yourself on what they're going through. For example, learning more about depression, so you can understand their lived experience and be aware of risky behaviors to look out for.

9 . Friends play a very important part in everyone’s life. Friendship usually develops during childhood. New friends are made when you progress through school. Those friends that you make as a student can usually last long. Friends influence your development, maturity( 成熟) and sense of responsibility (责任). A familiar opinion is “You can tell a lot about a person by knowing who his friends are.” Friendship is based on common interests. If you like sports, most of your friends are likely to be active. If you enjoy reading and shopping, most of your friends do the same.

Some people call you their friends for the wrong reasons. These people are not really friends. They are superficial (表面的) only “ friends” on the outside, not the inside where it counts. Superficial friends only want to be your friends if it is to their advantage. True friends are there whether you are rich or poor. It is easy to have many so-called “friends” if you are rich. By this time you should be able to recognize your friends as the real or the “phoney”.

True friends are most special. Sometimes they might not easy to find, so you can consider yourself very lucky if you have one true friend. This friend is eager to help you whenever necessary. He or she knows you would do the same for them. A true friend is someone you can talk to about any subject or problem. You and your true friend have good understanding of each other. True friends support you, take your side, and build up your confidence.

10 . When I was a little girl, you and I loved decorating the living room and tree to make it look festive. We loved Christmas. After decorating, we would bake cakes. “Make enough mince pies (肉末馅饼), because Santa likes them,” you would tell me.

Christmas Eve came, I was totally excited at the thought of Santa coming. I’d get into my neatly made bed and fall asleep until Christmas morning.

I’d wake up and thrill at the sight before me. At the bottom of my bed would be loads of presents that Santa had brought during the night. I’d scream in delight, excitedly tearing the paper open. Running downstairs, I would discover there were also lots of presents around the Christmas tree.

Many years later, the tradition continued and we’d bake the mince pies and cakes. The only thing that stopped was the presents at the end of the bed I grew out of them.

One afternoon, we were making extra mince pies as usual when I casually commented that you really loved them, “Those extra mince pies were actually never for Santa, They were for you!” You never said a word a silly smile was your only reply.

Christmas changed in 1986,   when you suffered a serious brain haemorrhage ( 脑出血 ) . After suffering throughout Christmas, you passed away on the 29 December.

Only now am I starting to enjoy Christmas again, and while I don t do the baking any more, I do have mince pies in the house. I leave one out just for you, as if you were still a part of my Christmas. And I make sure I put up the decorations in memory of you, and us. At the end of the letter, thanks for the wonderful memories of Christmas, Mum.