1 . I love persimmons (柿子). The sweet, bright orange fruit indicates the coming of autumn in Iran, where I grew up. Persimmons can’t grow just anywhere, but they do grow in California, where I now live. A few years ago, preparing to travel from San Francisco to Boston, I packed two persimmons, one of which I ate in the departure hall, waiting for boarding.

At this point, a lady came up, asking where the fruit was purchased. She looked a bit disappointed when hearing it couldn’t be gained at the airport and returned to her seat on the other end of the hall. “I can give the second persimmon away”, I thought to myself. When I offered her the fruit, she at first opposed, but when I insisted, she was visibly glad and appreciatively accepted. I went back to my seat, happy to have made someone else happy, and that, as far as I was concerned, was the end of the story.

Sometime during the flight, the lady caught up with me to thank me again. She shared that she had grown up in Japan, where there was a persimmon tree in the yard of her childhood home. She now lived in Boston, where she hadn’t been able to find the fruit. The taste of this persimmon was precious to her, reconnecting her with memories of her relatives.

Only then did the impact of this tiny act of generosity dawn on me. I am so moved to this day that the taste of the persimmon I never ate gives me more joy than all the ones I have eaten, combined.

My experience is not unique. Research has shown that acts of generosity for others make us happier than treating ourselves. A 2008 study by Harvard Business School professor Michael Norton and colleagues found that despite participants’ predictions to the contrary, giving money to someone else increased their own happiness more than spending it on themselves.

3 . “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for,” said John A. Shedd, an early 20th century author. Throughout the Covid-19, we’ve all become used to assessing risk in new ways. We’ve come to understand, though we can never get rid of risk altogether, we have great power to make choices both large and small to protect ourselves.    1    It stops us from stepping outside of our comfort zones and trying new things.

Developmental psychologists talk about “positive risks” — socially acceptable risks that our lives can benefit from.    2    But what about these, who develop into adults? Researchers have found that happiness for older adults is being able to choose how they spend their time, including ways that are adventurous, new and even-like hiking or other outdoor activities — mildly risky.

One guide to positive risk management lists ways that people can make sure their risks are on the “safe" side of risk range. For example, to ensure a successful bike ride, you should in advance equip yourself with a fully-charged cell phone and a full water bottle.    3     Or if you are, concerned about your physical capacity, consult a certified trainer or medical professional before departure.

    4    This means adapting to changing situations. In response to the deadly virus, people choose to step back into normal life only after they are vaccinated. In this way, people could be confident that the risk is tolerable.

Nobody wants to be needlessly risky. But using our newly-acquired risk assessment tools, we can once again learn and grow in our lives.    5    

4 . Amazing and perfectly beautiful, The Midnight Library is everything you’d expect from the genius storyteller, Matt Haig. I picked it up from our readers’ recommendations (we asked our readers to send in some of their favorite recent books) and I can see why it won Best Fiction of 2020 in the Good Reads Choice Awards.

The story follows Nora Seed, a woman who is struggling and feels like nothing in her life has gone according to plan. While the initial chapters of the book are quite sad, Nora finds herself given a chance to start over in the Midnight Library, a magical place full of books of all the different paths her life could have taken. Nora is forced to stay in the library and try out different versions of her life until she finds the life she most wants to live.

I loved the idea that no dream or fork in your road is insignificant, and that they all lead us to become different versions of ourselves. In one life, Nora is an Olympic swimmer. In another, she is a glaciologist living on a boat off the coast of Antarctica. The novel reveals in a beautiful way that the potential we all have within us is impossible to measure, and that we have the possibility to be happy in many different versions of life.

It also discusses how dangerous it can be to live your life with regrets. The Midnight Library revealed to Nora that even if you make very different choices, you may uncover a deeper appreciation for your current home and the people in your life. It is your perspective that matters.

I really loved the fantasy and magical realism in this novel, and I would love for this to be turned into a series where we get to explore The Midnight Library of other characters’ lives as well.

5 . When evaluating people on various psychological tests, psychologists often distinguish between markers of absolute performance and relative performance. Absolute performance reflects the raw measurement of something, like the time it takes to run a mile. Relative performance is how a person rates in relation to their peers, as in what place a runner gets in a race.

The standards we use to evaluate ourselves are almost always relative, as we compare ourselves to our peers and the standards that are most familiar to us. For instance, in my private practice, I have one patient I will call “Omar” who is dependent on social services and makes less than $30,000 per year at his job. While this level of poverty would lead most people to wake up depressed each day, Omar is one of the most optimistic and appreciative individuals I know. Why? Because most of his closest peers — his siblings and friends from childhood — have lives far worse than his.

In contrast to Omar, I have another patient, an adolescent I’ll call “Lena”, whose family has property over $5 million. Lena, however, lives in an upper-class neighborhood where her family is at the lower end of the income level. Though Lena's family allows her to enjoy possessions and experiences that less than I percent of her peers across the world can share, she consistently feels “less than”. Why? Because Lena doesn't compare herself to the rest of the world; This is too abstract an exercise for her, as it would be for most of us.

Accordingly, whether a psychologist is psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral, therapy (疗法) with individuals struggling with situational or psychological depression aims to solve the problems associated with basing one's self-worth on comparisons with others. Psychologists try to help people focus on personal growth around the achievement of concrete goals in line with their values. independent of the achievement of others. For all of us, defining these goals, especially during Periods of emotional calm, can go a long way in helping us to avoid the trap of relativity that often leads to situational and psychological depression.

8 . Why is being alone essential to personal growth?

For many people, being alone is a negative state of being. It often carries a social stigma (污名) that equals isolation or being an outsider. Of course, spending time with people you love is extremely important to your well-being.     1     Only if you’re connected to yourself can you become stronger.

Aloneness enhances your creativity. When you are alone, you are more likely to stay true to yourself and try new things that you don’t have the courage to do around others.     2     Picasso or Van Gogh wouldn’t have created the masterpieces if they hadn’t taken enough solitary (独自的) time to experiment regardless of others’ thoughts.

Being alone also prevents you from burning out. Sometimes you may wonder why you easily feel tired.     3     Especially for people who go to work every day, it is unavoidable to feel exhausted when you have to deal with work, family, and your own passions at the same time. How about giving yourself a few solitary moments? It doesn’t matter how you choose to spend those moments alone. As long as they relieve your stress, they’re worthwhile.

    4     When you take time to understand yourself, pursue your personal growth, and follow your dreams, you’ll definitely discover the truth about yourself. Regardless of how well you may think you know yourself, learning how to be alone will allow you to deepen your self-awareness.

Being alone makes you a more creative person and helps with personal growth.     5    

9 . All left-handed humans have not had it easy in the world. In many cultures and in the dark ages, left-handed people have generally been seen as the devil.

The word “left” in English comes from the Anglo-Saxon word “lyft”，which means weak or broken. The Oxford English Dictionary defines “left-handed” as meaning defective, awkward or clumsy.     1     A “left-handed compliment” and a “left-handed marriage” can be set as examples. The former does not mean sincere praise but indicates an insult. The latter, as you may notice, refers to an illegal or informal marriage, which, in particular, involves one side of royal or noble birth and the other of lower rank.

In some certain cultures, things go beyond that.     2     In Nigeria, for instance, taking or giving anything to anyone with your left hand is assumed that you lack home training.

    3     Many people around you in China, if asked, would tell you they were forced by their parents or teachers, to write with their right hand. Strangely enough, none of those elders can say what an actual problem there is with left-handedness. If it has to do with the fear of that child not being prosperous, there are a lot of left-handed personalities doing well and breaking grounds. The possible explanation here maybe lies in their long- held prejudice.     4    

Two-thirds of the world still view left-handedness as a shortcoming but it isn't.     5    That is what C. R. Manske points out, “Life without left-handed people wouldn't be right. ”

10 . Everyone can smile when they are on cloud nine. Everyone can cry when the weather is blue. But it takes a strong person to smile when he or she has every reason to cry!

Kiley, from Maryland, is an author, fashion model, motivational speaker and entrepreneur. Since 3 years old, her life has proven to be a journey of surgeries. She was forced to have two permanent ostomies (造口术), causing her to have ostomy bags for the rest of her life.

Carrying not one, but two ostomy bags is not something you would want anyone to go through especially your own child. As a single father, Jay is Kiley's biggest advocate. When Kiley was 10 years old, she gave a special Father's Day gift to her father to express her gratitude, which was to dance with him at her talent show at school. In the video, the little girl was smiling from ear to ear. They danced along the song, Overcomer of American Idol's Mandisa. "You're an overcomer. Stay in the fight till the final round." True to the lyrics, Kiley is a strong and inspiring overcomer.

At only fifteen, Kiley set up Enhancing Children's Lives Organization, a foundation dedicated to helping low-income children, providing them with backpacks filled with school supplies, shoes clothing and even food.

She has been a fashion model for over 7 years, yes with two ostomy bags. She is helping cancer survivors and inspiring ostomy patients. Looking at the outer appearance, one would not tell she lives with these adversities. She has proven that not even the biggest problem in the world could wipe away the smile from her face!

Kiley wrote in one of her books, "I used to say, ‘Why me? Why cancer? Why ostomy bags?’ Now I say, ‘Why not me?’ Just because you have some difficulties in life doesn't mean you can't make it. We have the ability to make a difference, to change lives."