1 . Parents sometimes struggle to find a balance between encouraging an adolescent to achieve without pushing too hard. Pushing a child too much could feed perfectionist tendencies, which can have a serious effect on mental health. Perfectionists are motivated by a fear of failure and reach for high goals in an effort to prove their worth to others.     1    . This tendency can be found at the root of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders.

Parents can help temper (缓和) perfectionist tendencies by bringing “perfectionist thinking” out into the open, helping an adolescent regain perspective and learn to accept their limitations. Here are some ways parents can start that important conversation at home:

Build awareness: Perfectionist thinking takes root in childhood. Evidence suggests just raising awareness about perfectionism — what it looks like in action and its potential costs — can help to lessen its hold.     2    . As in not everything has to be pursued at the highest level all the time.

Normalize suffering: Young people need to hear that it is typical and normal to feel suffering from time to time, and that negative emotions are a normal part of life and not a sign of personal fault. Saying “That sounds really hard” or “    3    .” can help to normalize them and allow a child to feel less alone.

Encourage self-compassion (自我同情) and self-forgiveness: Practicing self-compassion can protect against perfectionist tendencies. Help your child find a go-to line they can say to themselves to drown out the critical voice in their heads, as in:     4    . Forgiving yourself for being human doesn’t mean ignoring failures. It means widening your perspective, aiming to do better but without suffering additional and unhelpful criticism.

    5    : A large part of the harm of perfectionism comes from our reactions to it. When experiencing a personal setback, a parent can model healthy coping out loud, as in, “It’s time to stop beating myself up. Everyone makes mistakes.” Modeling for your children how you cope with mistakes and failures is critical to fostering healthy coping skills in them.

2 . Dealing With Strict Parents

Sometimes parents set rules because they fear for their children's safety, because they don't think that their children can make it for themselves or even to stay in control or to bring about a desired outcome or simply because they can. Regardless of why parents set rules, teens must learn to live within these guidelines,     1    ?

Often teenagers don't recognize that they have strict parents until they brush up against a rule that they don't like.     2    , don't bother yelling and screaming about the unfairness of it all because chances are your parents will ignore you until you yell yourself hoarse（嘶哑的）. Instead, meet your parents in the middle. Ask them to sit down with you to discuss.

If your past behaviour leaves your parents rolling their eyes at your level of responsibility, offer to show that you are serious about the compromises that you have suggested.     4    , but rather let your parents see your intentions in your actions.

In order to succeed in dealing with strict parents, you'll need to show not only that you are serious about changes in their rules,     5    . Stay calm and focused at all times when discussing your parents' rules.