It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It

Many of us worry that we don’t put in enough time to maintain close friendships. But how much is enough? Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula (公式) for how much time you need to spend on your friends to keep them. Each friendship and friend are unique and develops or ends depending on how we interact.

Forming a friendship in the first place takes a certain number of hours of being together. We need between 40 and 60 hours together for a person we know slightly to become a casual friend. In order to move from casual friends to close friends, we need to spend an additional 140 to 160 hours together for a total of about 200 hours.

However, deeper interactions can quicken that timeline. We can form a close bond in less than 200 hours with meaningful conversations. Contrarily, spending 200 hours together doesn’t necessarily mean a person will become a close friend. They have to want to be your friends. Some co-workers can spend 300 hours together and never become close friends.

When it comes to maintaining friendships, it’s not just the number of hours spent together, but what we do that matters. Engaging in passive activity with friends — like watching a TV series — is fun and enjoyable, but it doesn’t do as much to maintain friendship as having deep conversations, sharing feelings, and being a good listener. And routinely checking in with people we choose to connect with, through calls and texts or in person, helps maintain relationships and leads to higher scores of positive feelings, like happiness.

The key point is that sharing things about ourselves can lead to close friendships. Once that closeness is established, some ways to maintain closeness are supporting friends when things go wrong for them and celebrating their achievements.

Growing up with my cousin since we were     1     (teenager), we became best friends—more like brothers throughout the years. That was until we had a huge disagreement. We didn’t speak what seemed like forever. Admittedly, it never     2     (strike) me then that I was the one to blame. When someone means a lot to you and then keeps you     3     a distance, it leaves this huge void (空白) in your life and possibly all because you couldn’t admit any mistakes.

During that time, I was eager for     4     (update) of my cousin, but I lost track     5     him. After four long years, I heard he was anxious     6     (maintain) contact with me. I felt the same and didn’t postpone     7     (meet) up in person. Sitting     8     comfort, we talked in     9     familiar atmosphere. It was like we had never quarreled.

My experience taught me a valuable lesson about how to fix friendships: Don’t be afraid to reach out first.

A

Friendship clubs provide a platform for people to take part in     1     social activities, such as group outings, shared hobbies, and interactive events. They help to bring together like-minded individuals who are seeking to make new friends.     2    , joining a friendship club is also beneficial for people to     3     through face-to-face interaction.

B

Nature is our home. Humans and other living things on the planet couldn’t survive without the resources that come from nature. We should take care of our “home” before it’s too late. If we keep overusing and destroying nature, it will finally    4     on us. We should try our best to     5     with nature.

8 . As I waited for my university lecture to start, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking up, I found a young woman smiling at me, ________ a notebook. I knew immediately who she was. The week before we had ________ emails, and I’d told her I would be sitting in the front ________. I always sat at the front and the reason was that I’m deaf and needed to lip-read the ________. “I’m Rosie,” the young woman said. She was the first person I’d ever met who was my ________ and wore hearing aids. At my school, I was the only person who wore hearing aids. So I was ________ and fascinated to see Rosie wearing them. She tied her hair back, and didn’t try to ________ them like I did.

After the lecture, Rosie and I carried on talking. She always remembered to look at me when we talked. I didn’t have to worry that she’d ________, and I’d miss a joke or remark. There was an instinctive awareness between us about making communication clear and ________. I’d grown up thinking that deafness was some kind of ________, but here was Rosie, who was clever, wise, full of fun and deaf. What was the big deal?

I felt like a window had opened on my own experience as a deaf person. Partly it was the joy of being able to talk ________. We discussed noisy social events, or group conversations, where we felt on the fringes. The ________ that I wasn’t the only deaf student at the university made the experience feel less lonely.

We continued to share notes on being deaf. Learning to advocate for myself as a deaf person in the professional world was ________. But Rosie was more enlightened, and she was a fierce advocate. She held up a ________ to my own experience, but also set an example for me, offering an alternative ________. Our friendship has become an essential part of who I am as well.

9 . We never know when our paths with long-lost friends come together. It can happen anywhere and usually when most ________.

Last month, a friend’s mother ________, and I attended the memorial service. While consoling (安慰) her, I suddenly ________ my two friends with whom I was no longer in contact. They were ________ with one another on the other side. It didn’t take me more than an instant to know the ________ thing to do. So I walked to them and said hello.

I knew it could go either way. They might not be ________ talking. Or maybe one would and not the other. As it turned out, all three of us chatted for over a (n) ________. We shared news about the latest things that were happening in our lives. There was so much to let each other ________ wonderful things, ________ things, losses, lost loves, and even health issues.

We each showed an interest in the ________ of one another, asking questions and ________ full of attention. We were catching up, and most of all, we were _______ again.

Our mutual friend, whose mother died, overheard us stating our intentions to make an effort to rekindle (使恢复) the ________. Despite being in a state of grief, she was ________ to hear our discussion. She was the only one who had kept in contact with all of us lost souls.

I was glad to ________ have the opportunity to mend broken friendships. But I never imagined it would happen at a funeral.