1 . There’s no doubt that loneliness hurts. Functional MRIs show that the area of the brain triggered by social rejection is the same area that’s triggered by physical pain. To understand why loneliness hurts, let’s take a closer look at friendship through the eyes of two heavyweight philosophers.

In one corner we have Aristotle, who wrote that without friends, there’s no reason to live. The Greek great believed that friendships are based on the virtues of the friend.     1     But the problem with Aristotle’s theory is that if you lose some virtues, you should also expect to lose some friends. And that’s not how friendships work — at least not the good ones.     2    

So as a sharp counterpunch to Aristotle, let’s turn to the renowned Enlightenment philosopher Immanuel Kant, who said that all people have value regardless of their virtues. Since we view our true friends with this kind of unconditional love and respect, we can assume they view us the same way.     3     Being away from our friends takes away these life-affirming interactions. Worse, having no friends means our value, or dignity, isn’t being appreciated.

    4     This may seem obvious, but there’s a catch. Your connection has to be oriented (以……为方向) toward the other person — not in what they can do for you and your loneliness. So say hi to a neighbor, hold the door for someone, or volunteer at the soup kitchen.     5     However, they’ll help you feel more connected to the world. And the more of these small steps you take toward connection, the farther away from loneliness you’ll get.

2 . When communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say.     1     Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey. The following are tips for becoming an active listener.

Focus fully on the speaker. You can’t listen in an active way if you’re constantly checking your phone.     2     You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick up the important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head-it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Display your interest in what’s being said by using body language. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting.     3    

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns by saying something like, “you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”     4     You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

    5     In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgement and hold back blame and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully performed, can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.

5 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

6 . Teens often find themselves in difficult situations with friends where they struggle to communicate their needs or their values. Even when their gut(直觉)is telling them that someone is crossing a line, they may struggle to express that the situation is making them uncomfortable. For this reason, parents need to work with their teens to establish boundaries with others.

Although boundaries are different for everyone, when done correctly, they help teens set limits with others in order to protect themselves. Setting boundaries allows teens to communicate with other people about what is OK and what is not OK with them and is important to teen friendships.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are limits teens establish in order to protect themselves in some way from being hurt, manipulated(操纵), or taken advantage of. As an expression of self-worth, boundaries let other people know who they are, what they value, and how they want to be treated. Additionally, boundaries help to create space between teens and other people when they need it.

Learning how to set boundaries - both physical and emotional - is an important part of growing up. It’s also essential to developing friendships that are respectful, supportive and healthy.

Unfortunately, though, many teens have trouble setting boundaries with their friends; and when this happens, it puts them at risk for everything from unhealthy friendships to bullying(霸凌) or abuse.

Of course, setting boundaries isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable and forces a teen to stand up for themselves. What’s more, communicating boundaries to other people can make for difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations. Yet, it’s one of the most important things that teens need to learn how to do.

7 . How to Deal with a Colleague who Keeps Challenging Your Views

It can be difficult to develop an environment of teamwork when you continually run up against a colleague who challenges your views.     1    . This will ensure you respect one another, even when you disagree.

If a co-worker habitually challenges your ideas in a group discussion in a confrontational manner, don’t engage him or get into an argument. Pause for a moment, look the colleague in the eye.     2    . This will force the co-worker to either repeat his comment in front of everyone with the same level of confrontation, or soften his approach.

There’s a time and place for everything, including professional disagreements. If a colleague interrupts you or talks over you in an effort to contradict your point or insert (插入) his own opinion, gently remind him that you still have the floor. If the colleague is challenging something you say before you have a chance to address the point, note that as well.

    4    . Constructive debate and brainstorming can strengthen the overall performance of the entire team. Speak to your colleague at a time when you are emotionally stable. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to a respectful and civil way to discuss matters when it’s clear there’s no one ‘right’ answer?”

If a particular colleague has a long history of disagreeing with you, you might be able to anticipate his arguments or objections. Prepare rebuttals to address anything your colleague might throw at you.     5    . It also strengthens your points without being confrontational, and allows you to give him credit for his constructive comments when necessary.

9 . Do you have a hard time saying“no”? If “yes” rules your life and “no” doesn’t exist, here are some tips for you to say “no” without feeling bad.

If you’re just starting out, you don’t have to jump straight to “no”.     1     . But saying later is much easier. Make your default (预设) response to any request with “Let me get back to you later.”Don’t rely on your “laters” forever, because too many would make you unreliable in the long run.

Sometimes, invites or requests happen naturally and in person, requiring an answer immediately.     2    . If you’re afraid of coming off as robotic or unnatural, it helps to rehearse your lines in front of a mirror.

Offering an excuse may seem polite to decline a request, but it sets you up for an awkward situation. No matter what excuse you offer, people who are determined to get you to say “yes” will come up with a way to reel (卷轴) you in.    4    . If you say “no” to them, you can still soften the blow by being polite and appreciative.

If the person asking you for something is someone who you want to maintain a positive relationship with, you can decrease the impact of your “no” by offering an alternative.     5    . Hence, the person won’t feel upset and you don’t feel guilty for your“no”, either. It is a win-win situation!