1 . Will your happiness differ if you are doing a kind action without any expectation of rewards or with an expectation of rewards? A study by University of Sussex, headed by Dr. Daniel Campbell­Meikeljohn, tried to answer that question. He and his partners analyzed over 1, 000 brain scans from other studies related to reactions to making a decision based on kindness. They split the studies based on who was making a decision for altruistic (无私的) reasons and who was making a decision due to the expectation of an obvious reward. The results were interesting.

In both instances, the reward center of the brain lit up on the MRI scans (磁共振成像扫描). Yet, for those who made their decision without any rewards, other areas of the brain lit up as well. Specifically, it lit up the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex (前扣带皮层区域), which scientists believe plays a role in emotional regulation. Also, it might aid in maintaining excitement related to an event that creates a positive emotional state.

In one study about the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex, it is believed that this brain region could be related to depression if it isn’t developed properly or is dysfunctional. The fact that this part of the brain lights up during acts of generosity and caring without expectation of rewards shows that the altruistic individuals are getting more sustainable pleasure than those motivated by rewards. It also could aid in explaining how it helps depressive individuals feel happier after doing a kind deed.

We live in a society, and no man is a lonely island. We all need each other. For those who genuinely desire to help others regardless of repayment, maintaining a balance of helping others and yourself is very important. It is healthy and necessary to be kind to yourself, as well as to others.

4 . Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also seeking to understand the meaning and intention behind them. The word “active” implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others.

Be fully present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. It enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses and giving your full attention to the speaker. To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, and shut down your internal dialogue.     2     And let everything else slip away.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues (非言语暗示)

As much as 65% of a person’s communication is unspoken,     3    . This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key points. It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don’t convey any type of negative response.

Keep good eye contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what he or she says.     4     At the same time, you don’t want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels strange. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

Be patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. This also requires listening to understand, not to respond.     5     Also, don’t change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

5 . Being part of a club is such a great experience for people of all ages. Here are five benefits of joining a club.

You can meet new people.

Usually, the people you meet are easy to get along with because you both have something in common: your interest in the club.     1    That means you spend a lot of time with other members. Often, from my experience, members of the club become good friends with each other.

You can learn new skills.

Everyone in a club has a job to do. Your work might be something that you’re already great at or something that you don’t have much experience with.     2     I learned about how to communicate with other people. Some basic skills were also learned that can be used later on in life.

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The idea of joining a club between work, school, friends and family may seem overwhelming (令人难以应对的). However, once you get used to your role in a club and learn to manage your time, you will find there is still enough time left for other things that need to be done daily.

You can gain experience for the future.

The skills you learn will not only allow you to succeed in that profession but will also look great on a resume (简历) if you join a club that is similar to the career you want to enter! If you dream of becoming a lawyer, for example, you will be thankful for the practice you got from being part of such a club.     4    

You can improve confidence.

Joining a club requires courage.     5     But the more you practice your club function (功能), the better you’re going to be at it. Normally, the more time you spend in a club, the more you’ll be relaxed and confident.

7 . It’s natural for people to compare themselves with their peers. Peer pressure is a force that nearly everyone has faced at some point. If it’s not well handled, there might be some destructive consequences.    1     Below are tips on how to deal with peer pressure and avoid making tough decisions that may trigger unfavorable outcomes.

Find positive influence

At any age, it’s beneficial to stay involved with extracurricular activities like sports, music, art, or other hobbies. Team building activities can help increase self-confidence and create a support system that allows an individual to succeed. Additionally, enjoying hobbies and other harmless pastimes like exercising can release feel-good hormones.    2    

Plan ahead

Experiencing peer pressure, especially when in an unfriendly environment, can cause a person to panic and make impulsive decisions.    3     Think of different situations that spark discomfort and think about how to deal with peer pressure. It’s ok to give excuses to avoid making decisions that you may feel are not right for you.

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Positive influences, usually parents or siblings, can teach you how to deal with peer pressure directly. Having a trusted friend, family member, or another resource to call on can relieve some of the everyday life stresses. They can be there to give advice or just support the decisions you’ve made that you feel are right for you.

Convey feelings and emotions

Honesty goes a long way in reducing the harmful effects of peer pressure. Speak to the person or group of people who may be causing feelings of unease or uncertainty and kindly ask them to stop.     5    

8 . When Eugenie George first heard that her friend passed an exam, her heart sank. She’d failed that test weeks earlier, and needed more work to advance her own career. But instead of anxiety, she called her friend. “I congratulated her and told her she inspired me,” she says. She was surprised when it changed her attitude, so she could share her friend’s happiness and experience her own, in turn.

Finding pleasure in another person’s good fortune is what social scientists call freudenfreude, a term that describes the joy we feel when someone else succeeds, even if it isn’t directly connected with us. Freudenfreude is like social glue, says Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College in Pennsylvania. It makes relationships “closer and more enjoyable”. Sharing in someone else’s joy can also improve life satisfaction and resilience(适应力) and help people cooperate during a disagreement.

While the benefits of freudenfreude are plentiful, it doesn’t always come easily. Sometimes, your loss might last, making freudenfreude feel out of reach. If you were raised in a family that paired winning with self-worth, Chambliss says, you might misread someone else’s victory as your own personal shortcoming. And factors such as mental health and overall wellbeing(幸福) can also affect your ability to participate in someone else’s joy. Still, freudenfreude is worthwhile and there are ways to encourage the feeling.

Instead of an automatic response, freudenfreude is often an active process. To help people strengthen joy-sharing muscles, Chambliss and her colleagues developed a programme called FreudenfreudeEnhancement Training (FET). They found that depressed people who used the practices for two weeks had an easier time expressing freudenfreude, which built up their relationships and improved their mood.

Jean Grae, an artist, supports friends in this mindset. When someone gets a new opportunity or reaches a milestone, she makes sure to celebrate. Grae says she’s especially moved when anyone considered ‘other’ succeeds. “It’s truly inspirational,” she says, “because it lifts us all up and makes us shine.”

9 . In England, many people get worried when they are invited to dinner parties. That is because they don’t know the specific etiquette（礼仪）when attending the party.     1    

Arrive 15 minutes late.

It’s true that the invitation said 7:30 p. m., but chances are that your host hasn’t quite finished up that roast, or they’re still putting the finishing touches on the table decor. Plus, you don’t want to be the first guest there, walking awkwardly in the room while your host are busily preparing.     2     But don’t make it too late. 15 minutes is okay. Thirty minutes after the arrival time is about the maximum delay.

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You don’t have to eat anything that’ll cause you to have severe allergies （过敏）,but avoid making an overreaction or a dramatic public announcement that you can’t or won’t eat anything. When the dish is passed your way, politely pass it to the next person, and explain to your host later that it's not because you didn't want to eat it, just that you couldn't.

Be mindful of your relationship to the host.

    4     If you’re a close friend or family member, avoid excluding other guests with inside jokes or obscure（费解的）references. And no matter your relationship: always bring a gift. Your gift can be more personalized if you and the host have a close relationship—books you'd think they'd enjoy, something they mentioned they`d always wanted at previous gatherings, etc.

Offer to help clean up.

Your host has already gone to great lengths to put the party on.     5     You don’t need to get your hands dirty in the dish pit, but once dinner is done and the guests move to the next room, stay behind to help gather plates and silverware.

10 . What do you do when you receive an invitation to an event that you do not want to attend or that you cannot attend due to your busy schedule? In that case, we simply can’t act on everything our heart feels.     1     Here are some right ways to decline (拒绝) an invitation without hurting others’ feelings.

Respond in a timely manner.

    2     It’s OK to put off responding if you’re unsure at first, but give yourself a deadline to figure it out — and stick to it. Always respond to invitations in a timely manner.

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It’s OK to say you’re sorry that you can’t make an event, but it’s better to redefine it as a positive. Rather than apologizing, say how happy you are that they invited you and that while you can’t make it this time, you look forward to getting together with them in the future.

Don’t say “maybe”.

Procrastinating (拖延) by saying “maybe” usually means it’s a no.     4     Saying “maybe” is a way of making yourself feel better, but it leaves the other person hanging, which is unkind.

Don’t try to control the other person’s feelings.

There’s the assumption that we can decline without hurting anyone else’s feelings, but we can’t ensure the other person’s experience. They may feel sad or disappointed when you decline,. but that’s OK.     5