1 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

A．Learn to set healthy boundaries.

B．Don’t mix up your boundaries with others’.

C．Who are the people that you feel the need to please?

D．Spend some time learning to love yourself for who you are.

E．So why bother trying to please everyone if it isn’t possible?

F．But saying “no” is the best way to take care of your own needs.

G．That is why the more you seek security, the less of it you have.

3 . How to Deal with a Colleague who Keeps Challenging Your Views

It can be difficult to develop an environment of teamwork when you continually run up against a colleague who challenges your views.     1    . This will ensure you respect one another, even when you disagree.

Handle unnecessary confrontation (对峙).

If a co-worker habitually challenges your ideas in a group discussion in a confrontational manner, don’t engage him or get into an argument. Pause for a moment, look the colleague in the eye.     2    . This will force the co-worker to either repeat his comment in front of everyone with the same level of confrontation, or soften his approach.

    3    .

There’s a time and place for everything, including professional disagreements. If a colleague interrupts you or talks over you in an effort to contradict your point or insert (插入) his own opinion, gently remind him that you still have the floor. If the colleague is challenging something you say before you have a chance to address the point, note that as well.

Agree to respect each other.

    4    . Constructive debate and brainstorming can strengthen the overall performance of the entire team. Speak to your colleague at a time when you are emotionally stable. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to a respectful and civil way to discuss matters when it’s clear there’s no one ‘right’ answer?”

Prepare rebuttals (反驳).

If a particular colleague has a long history of disagreeing with you, you might be able to anticipate his arguments or objections. Prepare rebuttals to address anything your colleague might throw at you.     5    . It also strengthens your points without being confrontational, and allows you to give him credit for his constructive comments when necessary.

A．Hold your ground.

B．Ask for peace-making.

C．This will help you support your own arguments.

D．And ask him in a calm voice to repeat what he said.

E．Here are the ways to deal with colleagues of this kind.

F．Just find ways to make peace and communicate with your colleague.

G．The bottom line is, colleagues are not going to agree with each other all the time.

4 . How do you express gratitude in your everyday life? For me, it sometimes feels worrying: hand-writing hundreds of thank you cards after an anniversary, or making sure to eat every last bite on my plate so my grandma wouldn’t think I was ungrateful for the meal.

    1    Here are some tips about how to be better at showing gratitude.

Start a gratitude journal or write a letter. Make it a habit to put down the things that you’re thankful for.     2     There’s also some evidence that it could lower your risk of heart disease and symptoms of depression for some people. Think of someone in your life who you have not had the chance to thank. Think of a specific instance when they helped you. Then, it’s a good idea to send them a letter.     3    

    4     Look around in your immediate space, and take notice of everything that makes up your environment: the sky, the cool wind, the warmth of your sweater. The act of simply noticing and naming things is a great way to stretch your gratitude muscle as well as obtain some clarity on the strength of all the unique connections in your life.

Bear in mind the difference between saying “thanks to” and “thanks for”. Being grateful “for” something can be a little unclear or general.     5     It encourages specificity and reminds you of your connection with and responsibility to that person or thing.

A．Stretch your gratitude muscle.

B．Notice the world surrounding you.

C．Better still, deliver it in person and read it to them.

D．A habitual gratitude journal will certainly benefit us.

E．But experts say it doesn’t have to be that complicated.

F．In fact, this habit reduces materialism and enhances generosity.

G．Being grateful “to” something or someone implies a direct relationship.

5 . Think about that. If you are anything like me, you struggle to ask for help when you need it. It’s something a lot of humans battle with. You don’t want to be a burden on others. You are afraid to speak up, or want to prove that you can do it yourself.

You don’t ask for help when you don’t know how to do something or can’t manage it on your own, because you might be afraid of looking stupid or incompetent. You might pretend like you know what you’re doing when you’re really drowning. Perhaps you think asking for help is a sign of weakness; that if you ask for help you’re admitting you’re inadequate in some way; that you lack knowledge, skill or experience to do something yourself. You don’t want anyone to see that you’re struggling and you want people to think that you’re in control and can handle things.

There are tons of reason you won’t ask for help, but not to do so can be a mistake. You get in your own way if you make asking for help mean something negative about you when it doesn’t. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re stupid or inadequate. It simply means you need help with something specific for a time.

Confident people often ask others for help. They do so not only because they’re secure enough to let it be known they need help, but they know that trying to do everything themselves is not always the best use of their time, skills or energy. They recognize it can leave them feeling overwhelmed and stressed and then they can’t do things properly. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. They know that asking, “Can you help me?” shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask.

1. What is the author’s personality like?

A．He shows great love to others.	B．He hesitates to ask others for help.
C．He looks down upon other people.	D．He dislikes those who pretend to know.

2. What does the underlined word “incompetent” mean in paragraph 2?

A．Indifferent.

B．Unqualified.

C．Determined.

D．Devoted.

3. Confident people will find it quite natural to ________.

A．offer help to other people	B．respect others’ abilities
C．promote their abilities	D．turn to others for help

4. Through this text, the author is trying to ________.

A．advise us to learn more knowledge	B．encourage us to bravely ask for help
C．show our respect to the people around us	D．encourage us to be more confident in our life

6 . Apologizing for a mistake might seem difficult, but it will help you repair and improve your relationships with others after that offense (冒犯).

Acknowledge the offense. This is an essential element of a good apology.     1    Apologies are most likely to be well-received if you show that you recognize who was responsible and who was harmed. For example, saying “I made a mistake” is more effective than saying“mistakes were made”, which fails to clarify responsibility.

    2    In some cases, it’s helpful to explain an offense, especially to explain that it was not intentional and that it will not happen again. But explanations that are long-winded, sound like excuses, or blame the victim (e. g. You were really getting on my nerves.) tend to have an opposite effect.

Express regret.    3     Expressing these feelings communicates that you recognize and regret the suffering you caused. Be careful of phrases like “That was uncharacteristic of me.”     4     Instead, acknowledge your disappointment in yourself and your commitment to improve.

Tell them how you’ll change. Let them know how you’ll change and what you’d do to make that possible. For instance, if you’ve been late once again, instead of just apologizing, share how you’d keep an early alarm to be on time!     5    

A．Provide a proper explanation.

B．Express your intention clearly.

C．But many apologies don’t do this enough.

D．When you hurt someone, it’s natural to feel shame or regret.

E．A true apology is one where you promise it won’t be repeated again.

F．This might show that you aren’t taking full ownership for what happened.

G．This will enable you to know what means the most to the offended person.

7 . Researchers set up an experiment in which 5-year-olds were tested with their fellows under different circumstances of transparency (透明) and different audiences. They set up a sticker machine that in some settings was transparent, and other settings in which only the giver of stickers knew how many stickers he could give. They had children give out stickers in both settings. The results were striking: children were consistently generous only when the receiver and audience of the stickers were fully aware of the donation options. Children were notably ungenerous when the receiver of stickers couldn’t see the options.

The researchers said, “Children only showed consistently pro-social behavior in our study in the condition when they could see the receiver and their allocations (分配物) were fully visible; in all other conditions, children were statistically ungenerous, giving the receiver the smaller amount of stickers.”

They made the conclusions that at a very early age, children are learning how to position themselves socially. Well before they apprehend the sociology of their networks and what social reputation really means, they think strategically about giving as a function of how they can gain a reputation with a peer as a generous citizen or pro-social agent when the receiver observes them.

Children change their behavior in response to having an audience. Help children give to others in full view, delivering meals to families, and in private, dropping off treats or surprises for those who need support without signing their names. Also, children should be reminded that thank-you notes are lovely but unnecessary to receive. When we give gifts or lend help to others, try to help children remember why—to provide something for another. It really doesn’t have to be recognized. When a thank-you card doesn’t come, it doesn’t make a gift any less valuable or meaningful for those who were lucky enough to receive.

1. What did the researchers discover?

A．The givers’ behavior greatly inspired the receivers to help in return.

B．The children gave out an equal number of stickers in both settings.

C．The presence of an audience affected children’s decisions to give.

D．Donating helped children to become more generous in the future.

2. Which is pro-social behavior according to the researchers?

A．Observing the givers.	B．Donating more stickers.
C．Gaining a reputation.	D．Receiving more allocations.

3. What does the underlined word “apprehend” in Paragraph 3 mean?

A．Share.

B．Predict.

C．Confirm.

D．Understand.

4. What is the purpose of the last paragraph?

A．To suggest recognizing others’ kindness.	B．To acknowledge the giver’s contribution.
C．To confirm the benefits of being grateful.	D．To advise inspiring generosity in children.

8 . Having a good sense of humor makes you more enjoyable to be around.     1     . Here’s how you can develop your sense of humor.

●Surround Yourself with Humor

You learn more effectively when you fully expose yourself to a subject. Similarly, you can improve your sense of humor by surrounding yourself with humor. Watch stand-up comedians. Listen to programs that amuse you.Read humorous books.     2     .

●Learn What Amuses You

    3     . We amuse our friends by praising a change they made. However, when it comes to being funny, don’t change your sense of humor to amuse other people. Instead, start with what amuses you.Then, if you think the other person will also be amused with it, share it with them.

●Think About Timing and Audience

You don’t have to be funny all the time, so don’t expect that of yourself. When you catch yourself trying to be funny, slow down. Simply speak slower so you’re not as likely to stop and repeat yourself. Try speaking at 60-70 % of your usual rate.     4     .

●    5    

You don’t need to seize every single opportunity to be funny. If you’re in the middle of a bad joke, just end it. “You know what, now that I’m telling it, it’s not as funny as it sounded in my head,” can be a bit of an awkward end and hurt your pride a little bit, but it saves everyone time and patience. In the long run, they’ll respect your taste.

A．Be Creative, Not Silly

B．Pause in between sentences

C．There’s a lot of fun out there

D．You might also do better at work

E．Know When to Pull the Plug on Yourself

F．You can also try your hand in the real world

G．A lot of times, we say things purely to please others

9 . We’ve all been in a position where life gets busy, schedules are difficult to coordinate and connecting with friends feels harder than ever. With some friendships, we may lose touch and want to reconnect. However，the more time that passes, the more uncertain it can feel if they want to hear from us.

A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says it’s time to reach out. Researchers found numerous benefits when reaching out to friends and old acquaintances. Especially if you’re unsure of how well they’ll receive hearing from you. The study, led by Dr Peggy Liu, is called The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think. In the study, researchers posed the question: Do people accurately understand how much other people value being reached out to by someone in their social circle? To answer this question, researchers carried out 13 experiments with more than 5,900 participants. In the experiments, researchers measured how much people estimated their friends or acquaintances would appreciate them reaching out versus how much those on the receiving end did appreciate it. They also examined different forms of communication-phone calls, texts, emails, notes or even small gifts—and their impact.

Over the series of experiments, experts discovered a similar trend: those reaching out significantly underestimated how much their friends would appreciate hearing from them. Plus, the more unexpected the communication was, the more the friend on the receiving end appreciated it. “People are fundamentally social beings and enjoy connecting with others,” the researchers wrote.

In fact, what made these moments of reaching out so impactful was the effort they showed—no matter the form of communication. Dr Amie Gordon, a social psychologist at the University of Michigan, emphasises the importance of small moments and making efforts in relationships in a Psychology Today article. “In a busy life, these little moments might feel just like that—little moments that don’t really matter ... But each moment we ignore is a missed opportunity to connect and build up an emotional bank of positive moments.”

The science is clear—people appreciate the effort we put into our friendships. And we greatly underestimate it. One phenomenon that may explain why those who reached out underestimated their positive impact is because of “the liking gap”. Psychologist Terri Apter writes in Psychology Today that the liking gap is a tendency to “how we often underestimate other’s responses to us”, and the reality that other people like us more than we may think.

1. In writing Paragraph 1, the author aims to ______.

A．state some disturbing problems

B．present the background of the following topic

C．introduce the theme of his argument

D．make comparisons between different opinions

2. What could be inferred from the experiments according to the text?

A．The way of communication matters in reconnecting with friends.

B．An unexpected calling to an acquaintance will not be highly valued.

C．People tend to appreciate hearing from friends more than reaching out to them.

D．We are more well-liked and well-received than we expect in our friendships.

3. Why does the author mention Dr. Amie Gordon in paragraph 4?

A．To present the discovery of the study.

B．To support the findings theoretically.

C．To explain the causes of losing friendships.

D．To make suggestions about the topic.

4. Which of the following is a suitable title for the text?

A．Estimate Friendships in a Scientific Way

B．Appreciate Being Reached Out to by friends

C．Remove the Misunderstanding between Friends

D．Don’t Hesitate to Reconnect with Your Old Friends