1 . When romantic partners argue over things like finances, jealousy, or other interpersonal issues, they tend to employ their current feelings as fuel for a heated argument. But thinking about the future helps overcome relationship conflicts, according to a University of Waterloo study just published online in Social Psychological and Personality Science. Alex Huynh, a doctoral candidate in psychology is the lead author of the study, which he published with Igor Grossmann from the University of Waterloo, and Daniel Yang from Yale University.

Previous research has shown that third-perspective reasoning can be a positive strategy for reconciliation (调解) of interpersonal struggles. Huynh and his collaborators investigated whether similar benefit can be induced by simply thinking about the future. Study participants were instructed to reflect on a recent conflict with a romantic partner or a close friend. One group of participants were then asked to describe how they would feel about the conflict one year in the future, while another group was asked to describe how they feel in the present.

The team examined participants’ written responses through a text-analysis program for their use of pronouns — such as I, me, she, he. These choices of pronouns were used to capture participants’ focus on the feelings and behaviour of those involved in the conflict. Written responses were also examined for forgiveness and reinterpreting the conflict more positively, both of which implied the participants’ use of reasoning strategies.

The researchers found that envisioning future relationship affected both participants’ focus on their feelings, and their reasoning strategies. As a result, participants reported more positivity about their relationship altogether, especially when study participants extended their thinking about the relationship a year into the future.

“Our study demonstrates that adopting a future-oriented perspective in the context of a relationship conflict — reflecting on how one might feel a year from now — may be a valuable coping tool for one’s psychological happiness and relationship well-being,” said Huynh.

3 . No matter what profession or occupation you hold you will need to work with others to meet your goals. Group work is a great way to showcase your own skills while getting help from your teammates in areas where you might not be as strong.     1    

Clarify the team expectations so everyone is on the same page.     2     It’s likely that each teammate has a different idea about what’s expected of them, as well as what everyone else needs to be doing. It’s essential that the team discuss these expectations and agree on one universal list of expectations that everyone will follow.

    3     No one likes a teammate who barely contributes to the project. Take on an equal part of the work, and speak up if you realize you aren’t doing your fair share. Not only will your group mates appreciate your work ethic, it will show your supervisor or instructor that you’re a good team player.

Direct your concern toward the problem, not your teammates. Don’t accuse or blame anyone on your team for causing the conflict, even if you believe they did.     4     Have your team work through conflict, using it to their benefit.

Focus on the success of the group, not your personal success. When you’re on a team, everyone’s success depends on each member working toward a common goal.     5     Keep your focus on your team’s success, and your own success will follow.

4 . Helping others is not only good for them but a good thing to do. It also makes us happier and healthier too. Giving also connects us to others, creating stronger communities and helping to build a happier society for everyone. So if you want to feel good, do good!

Doing things for others-whether small, unplanned acts or regular volunteering—is a powerful way to increase our own happiness as well of those around us. The people we help may be strangers, family, friends, colleagues or neighbors. They can be old or young, nearby or far away.

Giving isn’t just about money, so you don’t need to be rich. Giving to others can be as simple as a single kind word, smile or a thoughtful gesture. It can include giving time, energy, care, skills, thought or attention. Sometimes these mean as much, if not more, than financial gifts.

Scientific studies show that helping others boosts happiness. It increases life satisfaction, provides a sense of meaning, increases feelings of ability, improves our mood and reduces stress. It can help to take our minds off our own troubles too.

Kindness towards others is the glue which connects individual happiness with wider community and social wellbeing. Giving to others helps us connect with people and meets one of our basic human needs-relatedness.

Kindness seems to be contagious (传染性的). When we see someone do something kind or thoughtful, or we are on the receiving end of kindness, it inspires us to be kinder ourselves. In this way, kindness spreads from one person to the next, influencing the behavior of people who never saw the original act. Kindness really is the key to creating a happier, more trusting local community.

5 . Having to deal with a rejection can be extremely difficult. But something that many people find even more difficult is to be the one who has to reject. Sometimes we accept out of politeness, in other cases because we simply don’t know in what possible way to say no.     1     So why not learn how to politely decline a request and save a lot of time and nerves? It’s time to stop being everybody’s darling!

Saying “no” in a proper way is quite difficult.     2     So, whenever a person makes a demand on us, we will have to decide either to accept or reject it based on whether we like it, feel comfortable with it or not. If you like it you accept it.     3    

But due to the fact that we are no robots, it is not easy for us to make a decision based on whether we just like something or not.     4     In many cases, social factors affect our willingness to say “no”, whenever we fear to hurt the other person’s feelings.

Anytime you say “yes” when you know that you should have said “no”, no matter whether you rationalize (使合理化) it as a sign of friendship or kindness, in the end, it doesn’t change the fact that you have agreed to do something you absolutely do not want to do. That’s just because you don’t want to give others a reason to think negatively of you or believe that they will quit the friendship when you’re not doing everything they demand.     5     And no true friend will quit the friendship with you, just because you aren’t willing to do a favor in a given situation.

8 . People sometimes think of moving among people and talking to them at a dinner party like it’s a mechanical process. I know some advice on it can give the impression that you need to approach it that way.     1     .

In my experience, at parties it’s best to go with the flow, talk to the people who look interesting to you, and see where the night takes you.     2    , but don’t feel you have to talk to every last guest. There’s no party rule that says if you’re a bad person for not doing that. A lot of people don’t.

For whatever reason, two metaphors (暗喻) come to mind when I think about talking to people at parties.     3     . At any party there are all these sub groups, conversations, and activities going on. One group is talking in the back yard, another is on the front porch, some people are playing video games downstairs, and so on. Everyone is moving around throughout the evening and visiting the various “fairground booths”. There’s no expectation to go to all of them.

The second metaphor is that I picture people at a party as a bunch of ping pong balls floating in a basin of water, and moving around on the surface. For a time a few balls may come together, but then they’ll break up and maybe temporarily group with a few others.     4     Someone may be talking to one group, then see their friend doing something fun and leave to watch what they’re doing.

    5     and don’t feel you must start at the front door and systematically work your way around the room or anything.

9 . Social events can be frightening for a woman because they usually involve huge crowds. Some manage to become the life of the party like a natural.    1    . Fortunately, there are ways that can help you become the centre of attention during any event.

    2    . People always try to look their best at social gatherings. Therefore, you should spend time dealing with your hair and face beforehand. Besides, a beautiful and comfortable dress will help improve your confidence ahead of the party. For events, ladies must always prefer heels to flats.

Being the life of the party means you have to turn heads as soon as you enter the room.    3    , you should carry yourself with confidence. Start walking like a beauty queen and pose like a model when you reach the hall. With a grand entrance, you’ll be in the conversations of the party guests.

Keep yourself active at the party. Don’t sit in a corner and wait for people to talk to you.    4    , you should acknowledge them with smiles or hugs. Don’t let the thought of becoming the life of the party pull you away from having a fun time with your friends.

There will be friendly strangers looking to start a conversation with you during the party. If someone approaches you with kind intentions, you may act in return for their effort. Getting to know other people in social events will help improve your confidence.    5    .

Some people turn out to be the centre of attention, even if they don’t follow the steps above. The important thing is that you’re having fun, which is better than becoming the life of the party.