1 . For most of us, it's pretty easy to stand up for someone else.     1    . So how do you go from being everyone else' s advocate to learning how to stand up for yourself? These steps come from 16 years of coaching my clients.

·Define your boundaries

The definition of a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area; it's both a line of containment (keeping you in) and a line of protection (keeping others out). Boundaries are not complaints, threats or demands.     2    . They are your rules for who,what,how and why you feel comfortable being close to someone else, helping others know who you are and how to interact with you.

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The next time someone asks you for a favor, consider if you can afford to say yes. What I mean by this is, think about what this “yes” will cost you in terms of finances, energy, health and time. Do you have an excess of these resources that you can give after you've already cared for yourself?

·Stop people-pleasing

People-pleasing is often motivated by fear. It's easy to fall into the habit because you tend to get praised for it. People-pleasing pleases people. But its effects over a long period of time can be disastrous.     4    

·Ask for what you want

It's not easy to figure out what you want. But the more time you spend getting clear on your own

3 . Some people can begin a conversation with anyone ——even complete strangers.     1    . This can be particularly stressful if you have social anxiety disorder (SAD). But even if social small talk is hard for you, possibilities exist to improve your conversational skills and make you feel more comfortable talking with strangers.     2    .

A great way to start a conversation with the people around you is to simply comment on your shared surroundings.     3    . For example, if you are sitting in a lecture hall and notice that your professor looks familiar, you could say to the person next to you, “Doesn’t he look a bit like Harry Potter?”

Keep your comments positive——never mean-spirited or critical. You want the other person to feel comfortable getting in on the joke with you. You could follow up on your previous comment about your professor with something like, “I wonder where Hedwig is?”

    4    , which means using this method to start a conversation can be risky. However, if you do find someone who shares your sense of humor, it can be the start of a great friendship.

If you don’t receive a positive response from one person, the method might work with someone else.     5    . With time, you’ll become more confident and won’t need to rely on tricks to get a conversation started and keep it going.

5 . In today’s world, it can be challenging to stay motivated and positive. However, one powerful tool that we can use to overcome these challenges is encouragement. Encouragement can make a significant difference in someone’s life.     1     Encouragement can come in many forms, such as words of affirmation (肯定), acts of kindness, or simply showing support. In today’s society, where negativity is common, a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

One of the most significant benefits of encouragement is that it builds strong relationships. Encouragement creates a positive environment where people feel valued and appreciated. When we encourage others, we are showing them that we believe in them and that we care about their well-being.     2    

Another benefit of encouragement is that it creates a chain reaction.     3     This chain reaction can spread throughout a community, workplace, or family. By building each other up, we create a supportive and empowering environment.

    4     The first step is to be intentional about our words and actions. We can start by offering genuine words, expressing thanks, or simply listening attentively. We can also seek out opportunities to encourage others, whether it’s through volunteering or offering support during tough times. By taking small but consistent actions, we can make a significant impact on the lives of other people.

In conclusion, the power of encouragement cannot be overstated. It has the potential to transform lives, build strong relationships, and create a ripple effect of positivity. By being intentional about our words and actions, we can use encouragement to build others up and create a better world.     5    

6 . How to Disagree Agreeably

Disagreeing can’t be avoided in our life. However, how things are handled, how you voice the disagreement and how the other party hears it, all make a difference.     1     .

● Pick your moments

    2     . To ensure your ideas are heard, choose the proper time to argue about things which you believe are meaningful and important. When the other party is in a state of pleasure,

●     3    

The starting point is to understand the other person’s point ahead of them understanding yours. For instance, active listening is one of the most important skills. It makes the speaker feel respected and valued. The key to listening properly is asking questions.     4     and then know better how to proceed.

● Maintain emotional balance

When talking about topics that are important to you, it’s natural to feel strongly about them. However, when discussing your viewpoint, it is important to keep control over your emotions.     5     The more emotional you become, the less likely someone is to listen to what you are saying.

7 . There are ways to make friends online while also keeping yourself protected. These are the top tips that you can follow to ensure this.

Choose the right apps

    1    . However, not all these apps are good. How can you tell the good apps from the bad ones? You should choose apps that only legal members can join. This will largely increase your chances of being safe with your new friends.

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Don’t wait too long to figure out who your friend really is. If you find this person interesting and would like to continue chatting with him, you need to do a little background research.

Trust your feeling

This may seem like a rather old-fashioned idea but it is important.     3    , make it a point to trust what that little voice is telling you. If you have been speaking to someone for a while and you feel uncomfortable, there is probably a reason for that.     4    .

Meet your “friend” in a public place

You can't completely trust someone that you haven't actually met before. If you do decide that it is time to meet each other, then you should set up the place at a busy restaurant or coffee shop.     5    , even if you have met. Try to avoid going to an unfamiliar place.

8 . Secrets, whether they’re juicy, shocking or just plain funny, nothing compares to the thrill of opening up or listening to a friend’s confession (n.坦白). When a pal bares his heart to you, you can’t help but feel trusted and special. In fact, you’re a lot more likely now to tell him something you wouldn’t tell just anyone. When you’re first getting to know a new friend, start with small secrets.

No secret is ever 100 water-proof, but you can take steps to prevent getting your feelings hurt. First, when something you’re telling a friend is a secret, always say so. Every time when you share something confidential (adj.保密的), tell her that this is “for your ears only.” Also, don’t assume (v.假定,认为) someone will keep your secrets just because you know some of hers. Some people just have a tendency to blurt things out, which is why it pays to get a feel for how good a secret-keeper your friend is. Finally, make sure you get a reputation as someone who takes secrets seriously.

It’s not worth breaking a promise to a friend, but if a secret is too big for you to carry alone, you have a responsibility to tell someone. There are probably a few details about your life that you don’t feel like sharing, even with your closest friends. If the secret isn’t hurting you or your friendship, silence is golden. If you’re hiding something big and constantly worrying about your secret being leaked, it may be time to just spill (v.溢出) your beans. Taking control of a secret that’s eating you up inside isn’t easy.

So it seems clear that knowing when to let the secret out and when to zip your lips will help you a lot.

9 . Everyone carries a shield（屏障）. Our shields protect what we don’t want others to see, from our embarrassing secrets to our unpredictable feelings.     1     But the problem is that shields can become heavy burdens — easy to put on yet difficult to remove — with terrible effects.

Since shields encourage us to hide negative parts of ourselves, we can start to believe that we aren’t worth showing. We might fear how our friends will judge our struggles or how our families will view our ambitions.     2    

However, we have to remember that we aren’t perfect, nor should we expect to be. We need to find and cure the wounds underneath our shields, but that means we have to let down our guard. We may even have problems we haven’t admitted to ourselves.     3     Even if it seems insignificant, every problem should be acknowledged before it grows. Before being cured, we must know that we need to be cured, and be okay with admitting that.

Knowing this takes bravery and patience, so it’ll be hard.     4     Yet asking for help means admitting our problems to somebody else — it means letting them see what’s behind our shields. To make it easier, we can reveal ourselves to somebody close to us who we trust will understand us and provide personal support. Or, if we fear judgement, we can open up to someone distant but knowledgeable, such as a counsellor or a help line. No matter what, we can find help when we begin searching.

    5     We can be more forgiving of faults so we can become comfortable with ours and encourage others to follow. Most importantly, we can let people know that we are willing to listen and help and make it easier to let down our shields.

10 . Why is a compliment so impactful? One of the most important things to humans is to feel valued and respected by others, says Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist, who has researched compliments. According to her research, people feel “significantly better” after both giving and receiving a compliment.     1    

“You handled that situation so well.”

Bohns recently used her favorite compliment when she saw a server address a difficult situation with a customer at the bar. “I like it so much because you use it in anxious moments where the other person is often unsure of whether they handled a situation OK,” she says. In situations that call for a compliment, don’t second-guess yourself. Give your compliments generously.     2     That concern is unfounded.

“    3    ”

This compliment — one of Bohns’ favorites — works well among romantic partners and close family members. “It’s a beautiful way to highlight how their presence turns life into something meaningful, despite boring routines of our everyday lives,” she says. If you’re afraid that giving a compliment like this will feel strange, you’re not alone.     4     If it makes you personally feel like the bar is lowered for you to give a compliment if you write it down, or if you practice saying it out loud or giving your pet cat the compliment first, do that.

“Hey, great dress!”

Feel free to compliment strangers. In Bohns’ research, students on a college campus were told to approach a stranger of the same gender and compliment them-about, for example, their nice shirt. Before heading out, the study participants tended to underestimate their positive effect while overestimating how annoying it would be. Across all contexts, strangers are more likely to be pleased than confused. Plus, who knows?     5