【推荐1】“There is nothing noble (高尚的) in being superior (优秀的) to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” —— Ernest Hemingway

As Hemingway says, self-improvement is a noble process.     1     Much of who we are is determined by how we relate with others around us. When we seek to improve ourselves, we can also make our relationships with others better.

    2     If you have a good self-image, then others are likely to relate to you in a positive way. When people see a self-controlled and confident individual, they are likely to be affected in a positive way. And this can result in a more optimistic and constructive relationship.

Only when you have accepted who you are can you grow. If you continuously fight against yourself, you won’t have the emotional energy you need to better yourself. If you wish to get on with people better, then you may start by accepting yourself.     3    

If you are on a personal path that is going upwards, then you are likely to find a friend or partner who is also seeking to better themselves and their circumstances.     4    

Focusing on your good qualities and attempting to protect and improve these characteristics will help you become a better person.     5     When you stop damaging who you are, you are likely to avoid ruining relationships and this can lead to longer and more meaningful connections with others.

【推荐3】Simply being quiet is a growing appeal. Lots of business have appeared to meet a rising demand for quiet time, from silent weekend getaways to silent dining, silent reading parties and even silent dating. Silence can mean different things to different people. We are usually silent only with those closest to us. So there is something almost radical(不同凡响的)about the recent trend towards enjoying silence with strangers.

Mariel started a regular silent reading party in Dundee just under a year ago. Readers bring their books and meet in a bar, where they read together in silence for an hour or sometimes two and then put their books away to chat and have a drink. “When the reading party starts, everything goes quiet,” says Mariel, “ It’s a little bit surreal (超现实的), especially in what is usually a noisy bar. However, there is something special about sharing the silence with others. It offers a chance to escape from reality; everyone is so busy with work and with technology being ever present. An event like this gives people the opportunity to escape these things for a while.”

Honi Ryan is an artist based in Berlin who began hosting silent dinner back in 2006. The rules of the dinner are: no talking, no using your voice, no reading or writing, trying to make as little noise as possible, not connecting with technology, and staying for at least two hours. So far she has taken her silent dinner project to Mexico, the US, Australia and China. “It’s evident that the age-old connections we make over food do not depend on the words around it. Silence creates the space for the people and places involved to fill with whatever is needed; it is quite different from our usual social behaviors.”

【推荐1】I’m trying to be a writer, but I can’t even start. What should I do?

Abraham, Nebraska

There are many ways to come up with ideas, one of which is to write down a list of your experiences, as well as things from your imagination. When you want to write, look in the notebook for ideas. Books for writers have good suggestions, too. One we like is Spilling Ink: A Yong Writer’s Handbook by Anne Mazer and Ellen Potter. Perhaps your library has it. My classmates keep asking about a new movie I’ve seen. But I don’t want to spoil it for them. What should I do?

Corinne (by e-mail)

You could ask your classmates whether they are sure they want to know and if they insist, go ahead and tell them. You may be able to give them a general idea of the movie without revealing details of the ending. I’m going to a soccer camp for youth, but I’m not sure if I’m good at soccer or if I’ll make friends.

Louise, New Hampshire

Soccer camp is for people who share an interest in the sport. No matter what a person’s ability is at the beginning, it’s likely that everyone will leave camp with improved skills. Sharing a common interest may make conversations easier. Smile, be friendly, and have a sense of humor. Before long, you may find that you’ve made some good friends. Someone invited me to a birthday party. When I got there, kids were doing stuff I’m not interested in, like watching scary movies. I told them my mom would pick me up, so I just left. Was I rude for doing that?

Sam (by e-mail)

You just did the right thing and that isn’t being rude. We hope you’ll talk with your parents about this. They’re probably proud of what you did. They may have other suggestions for you, too. Talk about different situations that might come up and what would be the best way to handle (处理) them.

【推荐3】Active listening is a way of communicating that can increase understanding between a speaker and a listener.    1     It shows respect and consideration for the person speaking.

Active listening is very useful for family members. Family members often develop bad listening habits. They react to each other based on what they expect the other person to say rather than on what is actually said.     2    

Active listening can also be useful in the workplace. Miscommunication or lack of understanding between co-workers can lead to hurt feelings, which in turn can make it difficult for people to work together. Active listening can solve such issues and create greater understanding and team spirit among co-workers.

For example, someone is unexpectedly rude to their co-worker, or seems inconsiderate of their needs. The co-worker might feel hurt, or they might become angry and begin to dislike that person. Active listening can help resolve such problems. It allows a person to say how they feel about their coworker’s behaviour.    3    

It could be that the rude co-worker was going through a difficult time at home or on the job and was unaware of how bad his or her behaviour was.    4     And he also gains that co-worker’s appreciation for their willingness to listen. In this way, situations that could turn into major conflicts instead lead to greater understanding.

Sometimes people do not communicate with those they are close to because they fear the other personas reaction. Rather than saying, for example, “It really hurts my feelings when you behave like that way”, the partner might say nothing at all in order to avoid a fight.    5     If the partners actively listen to each other, though, they can fully explain how they feel, and this can help avoid any hurt feelings.