【推荐1】Criticism is harmful to healthy relationships.     1     First, work on changing your own behavior. Then, find effective ways to communicate if someone bothers you.

Changing Your Behavior

●Think before you speak.     2     Sometimes, it’s best to let small indiscretions (轻率的行为) go. Try taking a few deep breaths and leaving the room instead of criticizing.

●Separate the individual from their actions. If you work on separating the person from the action, you may naturally want to criticize less. As you realize you cannot judge a person’s character based on a single choice or decision, you will be unable to call someone out for being rude or disrespectful.

●Focus on positives. Oftentimes, being critical results from how you’re choosing to see a situation. Everyone has shortcomings. However, the vast majority of people have good qualities that outweigh bad ones.     3    

Communicating More Effectively

●    4     Some people have issues that may need addressing. However, feedback is very different from criticism. When addressing an issue, focus on suggestions you can make to help another person improve, which is more effective than criticizing.

●Ask for what you want directly. Inefficient communication often results in heavy criticism.     5     Make sure to ask for what you want in a direct, respectful manner. This will eliminate (消除) the need for criticism.

●Consider the other party’s perspective. If you criticize others too often, you may be shutting out the other person’s point of view. Try to step in another person’s shoes before criticizing and you may get some new and special ideas.

【推荐2】People consistently underestimate how much others in their social circle might appreciate an unexpected phone call, text or email just to say hello, and the more surprising the connection, the greater the appreciation, according to a new study.

In the study, researchers from the University of Pittsburgh conducted some experiments involving more than 5, 900 participants. In one experiment, half of the participants were asked to recall the last time they reached out to someone in their social circle after a prolonged (长期的) period of not interacting with them. The rest were asked to recall a similar situation where someone reached out to them. Participants were then asked to indicate on a 7-point scale how much either they or the person they reached out to appreciated. People who recalled reaching out thought the gesture was significantly less appreciated than those who recalled receiving a communication.

In other experiments, participants sent a short note, or a small gift, to someone in their social circle with whom they had not interacted in a while. Similar to the previous experiment, participants who initiated (发起) contact were asked to rate on a 7-point scale the extent to which they thought the recipient would appreciate or feel grateful for the contact. After the notes or gifts were sent, researchers also asked the recipients to rate their appreciation.

Across all experiments, those who initiated the communication significantly underestimated the extent to which recipients would appreciate the act of reaching out. Besides, the researchers found that people receiving the communication placed greater focus than those initiating the communication on the surprise element, and this heightened focus on surprise was associated with higher appreciation. “We also found that people underestimated others’ appreciation to a greater extent when the communication was more surprising, as opposed to part of a regular communication pattern, or the social ties between the two participants were weak,” added lead author Peggy Liu.

Initiating social contact after a prolonged period of disconnection can be daunting because people worry about how such a gesture might be received. But these findings suggest that their hesitations may be unnecessary, as others are likely to appreciate being reached out to more than people think.

【推荐3】In today’s world, it can be challenging to stay motivated and positive. However, one powerful tool that we can use to overcome these challenges is encouragement. Encouragement can make a significant difference in someone’s life.     1     Encouragement can come in many forms, such as words of affirmation (肯定), acts of kindness, or simply showing support. In today’s society, where negativity is common, a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

One of the most significant benefits of encouragement is that it builds strong relationships. Encouragement creates a positive environment where people feel valued and appreciated. When we encourage others, we are showing them that we believe in them and that we care about their well-being.     2    

Another benefit of encouragement is that it creates a chain reaction.     3     This chain reaction can spread throughout a community, workplace, or family. By building each other up, we create a supportive and empowering environment.

    4     The first step is to be intentional about our words and actions. We can start by offering genuine words, expressing thanks, or simply listening attentively. We can also seek out opportunities to encourage others, whether it’s through volunteering or offering support during tough times. By taking small but consistent actions, we can make a significant impact on the lives of other people.

In conclusion, the power of encouragement cannot be overstated. It has the potential to transform lives, build strong relationships, and create a ripple effect of positivity. By being intentional about our words and actions, we can use encouragement to build others up and create a better world.     5    

【推荐3】The term “social distancing” has been at the center of public conversation for a while. But it’s not “social” distance we are trying to promote. It’s physical separation. In fact, preserving social ties — even at a distance — is essential for both mental and physical health. The results of an analytic review done in 2017 indicate that a lack of social support is on a par with smoking cigarettes as a risk factor for health.

Given this fact, how might we best stay connected to others while maintaining physical distance? Would we be better off e-mailing a friend? Making a phone call? Setting up a video chat? In our study, Nick Epley and I tested whether the media through which people interact affects their sense of connection — and how expectations about certain technologies impact the communication media they choose to use.

In our experiment, we asked participants to reconnect with someone that they hadn’t interacted with recently, either through e-mail or over the phone. Participants first made predictions about what it would be like to get in touch if they reached out in these two ways. They generally believed that they’d feel more connected when interacting via the phone than over e-mail. But they also predicted that talking on the phone could be more uncomfortable than sending an e-mail. Although these participants believed that talking encouraged stronger bonds, most of them said they’d rather send an e-mail than call the person up. Fears about awkwardness, it seems, push individuals toward text-based methods for communicating.

In the next part of the experiment, we had participants actually reconnect using one randomly determined mode of communication and then followed up with them after they had done so. We found that people do form meaningfully stronger bonds when interacting over the phone than over e-mail. Importantly, though, there was no difference in the amount of discomfort when reconnecting on the phone.

The next time you think about how best to connect, consider calling or setting up a video chat. Feelings of social connection are preferably facilitated by voice rather than a keyboard.