2 . When I was 15 or 16 years old, I used to enjoy staring out of my bedroom window at night, at the sky and other houses. After a few minutes of focused attention, I would always reach a point where my vision shifted. The clouds would suddenly look different, stranger and more real. They weren’t “clouds” anymore, but different magical animal shapes that moved through space. The houses weren’t “houses” anymore-they were strange geometric structures made up of jigsaw (拼图) patterns of bricks.

It’s difficult to describe the shift in my vision, but it always felt exciting, as if I was seeing through to the heart of things, beneath a layer of familiarity.

In most situations, our perception is automatic. We see the familiar world, surrounded by objects and phenomena that we perceived thousands of times before and don’t pay real attention to. In addition, we perceive the world through filters (过滤器) of concepts. We have a conceptual label (or name) for everything we see. We label floating shapes in the sky as clouds; we label a masive variety of natural forms with spreading roots and branches as trees. Through filters of familiarity and concepts, our perception of the world is like a faded black-and-white image compared to a three-dimensional colour image.

This is why it always makes sense to side-step our normal familiar perception and perceive the world with fresh vision, free of concepts and expectations, looking at objects as if they had never been seen before, or as if they were other things.

We can see this in great artists. They go beyond familiarity and find a new way of seeing things. Familiar everyday objects like fruit and flowers and bottles are filled with freshness and beauty in the great still-life paintings of artists like Cezanne or Matisse. To look at paintings by Vincent van Gogh, such as Sunflowers, Irises or Van Gogh’s Chair, makes you feel as if an extra dimension of reality has been revealed.

And of course, this is the reason why we love to go to art galleries to see such paintings. To look at them is like going on vacation to a strange foreign country, a reminder of the raw beauty and wonder of the world, hidden beneath our normal automatic vision.

3 . I am a professor of clinical psychology. Some time ago, I got halfway through a day of teaching before a co-worker pointed out to me I was quite carelessly wearing a pair of different shoes, one red and one black. I felt so embarrassed and upset but I would have to go teach my course like this. When I noticed how much I wanted to disappear and avoid this situation, I was determined to face it instead. I walked into class and announced to the students that I was wearing two shoes from different pairs, and directed their attention to my feet. Everyone laughed and we went on with class. Years later, a student in that class told me that this was the moment she first thought that maybe, just maybe, she could be a professor, too.

I shared my mistake because I realized that trying hide it was interfering with my ability to concentrate my mind on my teaching — but I had no idea that it would also help shorten the psychological distance between my students and myself.

Many contexts may punish or shame people for making mistakes. Our efforts to avoid them result from our desires for success, and how others will respond to our mistakes. We might feel self-criticism and shame if we do make some.

However, mistake making is part of learning new things, and it can draw us closer to others. It opens up the possibility of accepting mistakes gladly, letting us be more open and engaged in what we are doing.

We can say words of kindness and self-compassion to ourselves: Mistakes are natural and human; we can be kind to ourselves for this error and still try to do better next time; noticing our own imperfections can help us to be kind to others when we notice they are imperfect, too. When we practice our mistakes in this way, they can become opportunities to open up to others, learn about ourselves, and connect even more with what matters to us.

4 . Whenever I get really depressed and anxious, my first impulse is to reach for my phone. Maybe I’ll get a message from a friend or discover some new distraction on social media. Unfortunately, during the past couple of years, one glance at my screen often makes me want to crawl back into bed.

That changed after I made friends with a strange creature named Webot. I’m finding that it makes me feel better-and it might work for you too. Like many apps, Webot sends me messages at random. But instead of tempting me into doom scrolling with shocking news alerts, Webot asks how I’m doing. When I text Webot my troubles, it asks me friendly questions, encourages me, and invites me to express some of my darkest thoughts. There is something intensely comforting about discussing your thoughts with a machine.

There are many therapy apps on the market, both free (like Webot) and paid for. But Webot is a particularly interesting case. Psychology researcher Alison Darcy at Stanford University created it after years of study. She says it was challenging on both a technical and artistic level because the chatbot is a character with its own personality. “It’s as careful a construction as you might find in a novel or poetry. Webot’s personality is humble, warm and wise, ”as Darcy puts it, “Webot isn’t an all-knowing authority. It is a mental health ally”.

Best of all, Webot is always there, even when I’m lying awake in the middle of the night. That’s exactly the point, according to Darcy. “Your therapist should not be in bed with you at 2 a. m,“ she laughs. But Webot can be. You can pull up Webot at the exact moment you need it most.

It is working. Last year, Darcy and her colleagues published a study showing that people like me are forming “bonds” with Webot. Bonding is a “meaningful“ process of “getting something off your chest, or managing your thoughts more objectively”.

And you know what? In the bizarre world of 2023, it might be healthier to bond with a robot than be “engaged“ on social media.

5 . A man recently connected with me on LinkedIn and sent me this note: “Let me know if you ever need a writer. ”I guess he’s a writer? I don’t know. But I do know this phrase “Let me know if you ever need a…” shows up a lot, in my inbox and surely yours, too. I’ve come to think of it as the eight most deadly words in selling oneself because that phrase is the death of opportunity.

Let’s consider the approach. These people are being standoffish. Rather than selling themselves, they’re shifting the burden onto someone else to make the sale. If I need a writer, I should reach out to them. If I need a story, I should ask them for an interview. If I need a customer service solution, I should ask them for details. “Let me know if you ever need a…” sounds like an invitation, but it’s really a shrug.

Imagine the situation where I’d assign a story to the writer who used the nine words, “Let me know if you ever need a writer. ”Just anyone who can string words together. I would have needed to be in a panic, so desperate for someone to contribute to our magazine that I’d stopped thinking about great writers or good writers, or even serviceable writers and simply settled for: a writer. This isn’t a situation that exists. The world is full of good options! We are not living in times of shortage. If we need a job done, there are plenty of qualified people to do it. Our question is: Who’s the best?

If you want to create opportunity for yourself, answer that question convincingly. The first thing to do is show someone you are the opportunity. Hiring you can help them. We also need to stop hiding behind ourselves. Get out in front! Sell yourself and your amazing abilities. Understand someone’s problem, and explain exactly why you are the solution. Avoid saying “Let me know if you ever need a…”. Instead, start with: “Let me explain how I can help you.”

6 . Recently I had the opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, Chris Besse. One of the things I always admired about Chris was the way that he saw education as a mission, not a job. Chris called me last week to tell me he is CEO of a company called EdgeMakers, which is a new company that is bringing one of the missing ingredients(要素)to education: innovation.

I am always calling for changes in the way we educate our children. It is important that we prepare our children for a different economy and a different world. Employers of the future will demand creativity from their employees.

A tech company owned by a friend of mine has grown from a handful of employees to over 100 in the last seven years, and he still has 90 percent of all the employees he hired. He doesn’t pay more than other tech firms. He doesn’t have a Disney-like campus. What he does is pose interesting problems, not get involved in the solutions and allow employees to get to the solution in any way they want. His employees stay because they are motivated and interested.

This is the definition of modern industry and in many ways, the future of education. Successful employers now encourage innovation. Schools should create an innovative environment. But it appears that our current education system has a long way to go to achieve this.

The good news is that some schools are making changes. California and Texas just approved EdgeMakers’ courses for use in their high schools. According to John Kao, founder of EdgeMakers, “Creativity is inside every student, waiting to be freed. But without intentional programs in our schools, creativity is underdeveloped. We cannot allow this to continue, as our society is faced with problems that appear unsolvable unless we innovate to find solutions. Our goal with these courses is to combine students’ natural creativity with purpose, helping them develop as innovators whose work is truly meaningful and makes a difference to issues that matter.”

8 . Learning how to do simple handwork is a great way for girls to combine practical skills and creativity. With schools and educators always trying to encourage more girls to take up STEM subjects (science, technology, engineering and maths) in high school and beyond, this could be the start of something special.

“My daughter always asks to help me when I get something from IKEA that needs putting together,” says Emma. “Normally, I don’t trust her to do much more than turning the Allen key a few times, but recently I bought two chairs and thought: Why not let them have a go? My daughter Ruby did one on her own and was really careful and expert in it. It amazed me that she did a better job than me.”

If parents still aren’t convinced that letting their daughters loose with the family power tools is a good idea, just remember how much the local worker charges for a quick DIY job. This fun hobby might save the family a few dollars, or even broaden their daughter’s visions to a building, engineering-based career or study path further down the line.

“When I first used a saw (锯子), I was pretty sure I’d cut my finger off or something, but our teacher explained everything we needed to know and I star-ted off slowly,” explains Amelia, a 12-year-old girl.

“I’ve nearly finished making my bread board and I’ve brought some off-cuts home because I want to try and turn them into something using tools from my grandpa’s collection. I love building. It’s creative and challenging and really satisfying when it works!” Amelia adds. “I’m going to build a bird feeder for our garden next. I just need to ask Mum and Dad if I can borrow a drill and some nails.”

Hopefully they’ll say yes. After all, Amelia might end up building them a family house in a few years.

9 . One night, during the first of my eldest son’s three basketball games, we happened to be sitting next to a lady with a young son. The little boy looked slightly younger than my youngest son. At one point in the game, the little guy looked over to my son, and said, “Wanna be my friend?” My husband leaned over to tell me what he heard. I spent the next 20 minutes taking pictures of my oldest son on the court, and my youngest son, with his new buddy, playing games two seats down from where I sat. It was a heart-warming scene and reminded me how easy it can be to make new friends.

A few hours earlier, we went to a downtown cafe for an afternoon treat. There were no free tables for four, so we took a table for two, and crowded into the small space, each taking a bite of everyone else’s order. We were loud. We were likely annoying the college students with open laptops, drinking coffee and working hard to finish midterm papers. One such young lady came over to our table and said, “I have more room at my table. I am happy to trade with you guys so you can spread out.” It was a simple act but it showed a selfless heart. We politely refused her offer, but her kindness stuck with me for hours after it happened.

These are just two examples of everyday kindnesses I often take for granted. I could name so many more. Although often overlooked, these small acts of service, friendliness and human care are what it takes to make the world go round.