6 . Being a good parent requires providing a child with the gifts of love, attention, energy, and resources unstintingly over a long period of time. It involves developing a small body, but it also involves growing a child’s soul.

Parents are an enormously powerful force in the lives of children. Whether Johnny can read, whether Johnny knows right from wrong, whether Johnny is a happy, well-adjusted kid, or sad and self-destructive, has a whole lot to do with the kind of parenting Johnny has received. If Johnny’s mom and dad have been able to come through with lasting, loving attention, the chances are that Johnny is on track to become a productive, compassionate (富有同情心的) person. If they have not, Johnny is in trouble.

Thirty years ago Chicago professor James S. Coleman showed that parental involvement mattered far more in determining school success than any quality of the formal education system. Across a wide range of subject areas, in literature, science and reading, Coleman estimated that the parent was twice as powerful as the school in determining achievement at age fourteen. Psychologist Lawrence Steinberg, who recently completed a six-year study of 20,000 teenagers in nine different communities, confirms the importance of parents. Steinberg shows that one out of three parents is “seriously disengaged” from his or her adolescent’s education, and this is the primary reason why so many American students perform below their potential and below students in other rich countries.

A weight of evidence now demonstrates obvious links between absentee parents and a wide range of behavioral and emotional problems in children. A 1997 study of 90,000 teenagers — the Add Health Project undertaken (承担) by the Carolina Population Center and the Teenage Health Program at the University of Minnesota found that youngsters are less likely to get depressed, use drugs or become involved in crime when they spent significant time with their parents. This study found that the mere physical presence of a parent in the home after school, at dinner and at bedtime significantly reduces the incidence of risky behavior among teenagers.

7 . Three Books for A More Honest View of Parent

Nowadays, it seems there are two ways to write about parenthood. I am heartily sick of both. This year I’ve decided to hug books that are inspiring and honest, yet do not avoid the pleasures of parenthood.

Life Among the Savages     Shirley Jackson       price: $15

Shirley Jackson, author of one of the most amazingly sinister novels of all time and of the short story The Lottery, also wrote two charming novels about raising her four children in an old farmhouse in rural Vermont. In Life Among the Savages, Jackson’s humor is as thrilling as her horror, and her children seem never to inspire in her anything worse than a fond exasperation (恼怒) .

A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You       Amy Bloom       price: $13. 95

A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You contains one of the most absolute expressions of a mother’s love in fiction. Much of it takes place in the waiting room of a gender-reassignment surgeon. It’s about a woman who is determined to be the mother that her child needs her to be. In this collection ordinary women rise to the occasion demanded by motherhood. They make mistakes but they generall succeed in making up for them.

Family Man     Calvin Trillin     price: $ 18

In his memoir (回忆录) Family Man, Calvin Trillin writes with humor about his wife and daughters. He gives what I think is the single most useful piece of parenting advice “Getting advice on the best way to bring up children is like getting advice on the best way to breathe sooner or later you’re probably going to forget it and go back to your regular old in-and-out.” Trillin gives the impression of being the best kind of husband.