Is the traditional family dinner a thing of the past? In today’s households where both parents go to work and kids have busy schedules with school, an array of afternoon activities and much homework, finding time for a gathering at the table seems impossible. Yet, studies have shown time and again that eating together has multiple benefits for family members, especially children.
According to a number of reports issued by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, children who eat at least five times a week with their family are at lower risk of developing poor eating habits, weight problems or alcohol dependencies, and tend to perform better academically than their peers who frequently eat alone or away from home.
Eating together as a family is not just about food and nutrition. “Food has become so easily and cheaply available that we no longer appreciate its significance,” says Professor Robin Fox, who teaches anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey. "We have to rediscover its importance and its value." Sharing a meal with loved ones should be considered a special event, which can almost take on the form of a ceremony, as it was practiced by our ancestors, for whom finding food was a constant struggle.
Besides appreciation for the value of food, there are also many social elements that come into play when families share meals, says Miriam Weinstein, author of The Surprising Power of Family Meals. The dinner table can be the perfect environment where kids learn how to conduct conversations, observe good manners, serve others, listen, solve conflicts and compromise.
Of course, there is no guarantee that the simple act of eating at home surrounded by family will save children from developing unhealthy lifestyles or making regrettable choices down the road. It may not make them more virtuous (品行端正的) or socially more responsible. But it can form a basis for a lot of things that point them in the right direction.
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A Father’s Influence Makes for Better Grades
Adolescents from low-income families in particular are more likely than their middle-class peers to underachieve and to drop out of school. Studies have shown that a positive attitude towards school work and the support and encouragement from their parents can help at-risk youngsters to overcome the economic barriers and lack of resources they face. Most of the evidence about the effects of parental involvement comes from research on mothers. Little is known, however, about how adolescents experience their fathers’ warmth and the beliefs and behaviors that are most affected by it.
This new study is part of a larger one focusing on low-income families conducted in four middle schools in the southwestern United States. Data were analyzed from questionnaires completed by 183 sixth-graders about how optimistic and motivated they were about their schoolwork, and how they experienced their fathers. The questionnaires were completed primarily by respondents of Mexican American, African American and European American descent. Their maths and language arts grades were also obtained.
Their findings show how fathers can support their teenagers in ways that result in greater optimism, self-efficacy, and, ultimately, higher achievement at school.
These positive effects extend to both sons and daughters, while in different ways. Experiencing their father’s warmth first influences daughters’ sense of optimism, and then spills over into their feeling more determined and certain about their academic abilities. This in turn leads to better math grades. There is a more direct link between their fathers’ involvement and teenage boys’ belief in their ability to succeed on the academic front. This heightened self-confidence increased their success in English language arts classes.
Suizzo suggests that counselors and educators should encourage fathers to communicate warmth and acceptance to their children, because of the positive influence these emotions have on their well-being.
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Hope
Nothing in my life had prepared me for what I had to do. Choosing my words carefully, and fighting to stay calm, I told my 4-year-old daughter that her grandmother had suffered a stroke（中风），that she was unconscious, and that the doctors said she would probably never wake up. As she moved closer to me, Amelia looked at me, eyes bright, and said, “Maybe Grandma will be okay.” “Maybe she will,” I said, keeping back the tears, But I knew better. I was flying up to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, from our Florida home in the morning to say good-bye to my mom.
The rest of that awful week, I joined my brother and father sitting by my mother’s side in the hospital room. I held her hand and talked to her. I told her that we still needed her. I told her that it wasn’t time to leave yet. I told her how much I loved her. And I told her that her little granddaughter, Amelia, believed that she’d get better. The doctors, with all their years of training and experience, offered no hope for recovery. The damage was simply too extensive.
Then, a couple of weeks later, an odd thing happened. Mom woke up. She regained consciousness. Persevered through a long and tough recovery, during which she had to learn to walk, read, and write all over again, and eventually returned home to Dad. The only one who wasn’t shocked was Amerlia. The doctors couldn’t explain it. Amelia didn’t need to. Hope came as naturally to her as breathings.
So why are we so afraid to hope sometimes? Maybe it’s because over the year, life’s disappointments can turn us to disillusionment（理想破灭）. How many times have you heard someone say: “Hope for the best, expect the worst”? That’s not really hope at all.
Hope is being able to look at our world with all of the joy and wonder of a child.
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