It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It
Many of us worry that we don’t put in enough time to maintain close friendships. But how much is enough? Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula (公式) for how much time you need to spend on your friends to keep them. Each friendship and friend are unique and develops or ends depending on how we interact.
Forming a friendship in the first place takes a certain number of hours of being together. We need between 40 and 60 hours together for a person we know slightly to become a casual friend. In order to move from casual friends to close friends, we need to spend an additional 140 to 160 hours together for a total of about 200 hours.
However, deeper interactions can quicken that timeline. We can form a close bond in less than 200 hours with meaningful conversations. Contrarily, spending 200 hours together doesn’t necessarily mean a person will become a close friend. They have to want to be your friends. Some co-workers can spend 300 hours together and never become close friends.
When it comes to maintaining friendships, it’s not just the number of hours spent together, but what we do that matters. Engaging in passive activity with friends — like watching a TV series — is fun and enjoyable, but it doesn’t do as much to maintain friendship as having deep conversations, sharing feelings, and being a good listener. And routinely checking in with people we choose to connect with, through calls and texts or in person, helps maintain relationships and leads to higher scores of positive feelings, like happiness.
The key point is that sharing things about ourselves can lead to close friendships. Once that closeness is established, some ways to maintain closeness are supporting friends when things go wrong for them and celebrating their achievements.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________As your child progresses through life, he will make mistakes. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to correct those mistakes, but you should use the right way to correct your child’s mistakes or else you risk harming his self-esteem (自尊) or causing problems in your relationship. Using the right way to offer your child constructive criticism (建设性的批评) encourages healthy development.
Parents should be willing to teach their child proper behaviors when offering constructive criticism, according to an Everyday Health article. If your child’s leaving food particles on dishes that he’s washed, teach him your way of properly washing dishes, as opposed to shouting at him or thinking he’s lazy. You can say, “I know you work hard at washing the dishes every night. But for the past few weeks I’ve noticed that there’s been some food stuck on some of the dishes. I used to do this when I was about your age, too. May I show you the way I’ve learned to wash the dishes?”
Your child will probably not reply to your criticism if it is given in an angry tone (语气). Talk to your child when you’re calm and clear-headed. It’s difficult enough to receive criticism because no one really wants to hear about their mistakes, says psychiatrist Harry Croft, so it’s important that you use a loving tone when correcting your child’s mistakes. If the matter doesn’t need to be dealt with immediately, give yourself as much time as you need — even go for a walk — before correcting your child’s behaviors.
Comparison is never a good way of offering constructive criticism. When you compare your child with someone else, you are creating feelings of inadequacy (缺乏信心) in your child, which can have long-lasting bad influences. Instead, focus on your child, his behaviors, and the things he might be able to improve. Instead of saying, “I wish you could be respectful to your grandparents like your brother,” try saying, “I really want you to work on having more respect for your grandparents.”
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It was the old lady’s birthday. She got up early to be ready for the post. From the second floor flat she could see the postman when he came, and the little boy from the ground floor brought up her letters on rare occasions (场合) when anything came.
Today she was sure there would be something. Myra wouldn’t forget her mother’s birthday, even if she seldom wrote at other times. Of course Myra was busy, and she herself had got a medal for her work for the aged. The old lady was proud of Myra. And Myra had been to see her mother three times since two years ago.
The old lady was eighty today. She had put on her best dress. Perhaps Myra might come. After all, eighty was a special birthday. Even if Myra did not come, she would send a present. She was excited, like a child.
Mrs. Morrison had cleaned the flat, and she had brought a bunch of flowers when she came to do the breakfast. Mrs. Grant downstairs had made a cake. Little Johnnie had been up with a packet of mints (薄荷), and said he wouldn’t go out to play until the post had come.
“I guess you’ll get lots of presents,” he said.
What would it be? A pair of slippers, a table lamp, or a travel book? She stood by the window, watching. The postman turned round the corner on his bicycle. Her heart beat fast.
Johnnie knocked at her door. “Granny, granny,” he shouted, “I have got your post.”
He gave her four envelopes. Three were unsealed cards from old friends. The fourth was sealed (封闭的), in Myra’s writing. The old lady felt a sudden feeling of disappointment.
Almost reluctantly (不情愿地) she tore the envelope open. Folded in the card was a piece of paper. Written on the card was a message under the printed Happy Birthday — Buy yourself something nice with the cheque (支票), Myra.
The cheque dropped to the floor like a bird with a broken wing. Slowly the old lady picked it up. With trembling fingers she tore it into pieces.
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Adam lived with his parents in one city while his grandparents lived far away in another city. Adam’s parents usually took their son to his grandparents’ house during summer holiday every year and stayed there for around 20 days. Adam’s grandfather loved him very much and spent a lot of time playing with him. His grandmother always cooked delicious food for him. Adam loved his stay there. This continued for years. The boy grew up over time.
One day Adam said to his parents, “Now, I am old enough to go to grandparents’ house alone. So, please let me go by myself.”
His parents didn’t agree at first but Adam insisted(坚持). They finally agreed. But they were worried about his safety. So, they taught him everything he needed to know to travel alone.
The day came when Adam was to leave for his grandparents’ house. And his parents came to see him off at the train station. When the boy was comfortably seated on the train, his parents got off and waited for the train to leave.
While waiting, the father went to the window and kept talking to his son. He handed his son an envelope(信封) from the window and said, “Son, if you feel afraid on the way, open this and read it. It will help you to calm down.”
The boy kept that envelope in his pocket carefully and said goodbye to his parents. When the train was ready to leave, the boy smiled and told his father, “I remember everything. Don’t worry.”
At every station where the train stopped, people kept coming and going. The boy started feeling a little lonely.
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We don’t choose our siblings the way we choose our partners and friends. Of course, we don’t choose our parents either, but they usually make that up to us by accompanying us on the way to adulthood. Brothers and sisters are just sort of there. And yet, when it comes to our development, they can be more influential than parents.
Whether these relationships make our life better or worse is a more complicated question. On the upside, positive interactions with siblings during adolescence foster empathy, prosocial behavior, and academic achievement. However, when a sibling relationship is bad, it can be really bad. Tense sibling relationships make people more likely to be depressed and anxious in adolescence. Moreover, sibling bullying makes a kid involved in self-harm as a teen and develop mental problems in adulthood.
Whether a person models himself after his siblings or tries to distinguish himself has particularly important consequences. One study found that siblings who felt positive about each other tended to achieve similar education levels while those who spent unequal time with their dad and got unequal parental treatment had different educational fortunes. That difference is changeable. On the other hand, following your sibling can be a mistake: teenagers are more likely to be involved in risky behavior if an older sibling did so first.
One way or another, sibling influence is lasting. A study of more than one million Swedes found that one’s risk of dying of a heart attack multiplies after a sibling dies of one, due not only to shared DNA but also to the stress of losing such a key figure. The findings make sense: Most of us are different people than we’d have been if our brothers or sisters were never born.
Normally and naturally, a daughter is more attached to her mother in comparison to her father or other siblings. The attachment is also due to the fact that the daughter finds it easier to confide in(向…吐露个人隐私) the mother on personal and biological matters at different stages while growing up.
The bonding between mother and daughter will increase with their being together and going out on an excursion. An excursion is a journey to some far-off place undertaken by people. It is not necessary that such a trip be taken on a lavish (奢侈)scale involving lots of money. It can be as short as an overnight trip to some place to improve bonding. A mother can plan a trip to some local spa without the knowledge of her daughter. She can be ready with baggage packed and wait for the moment the daughter comes back from school. Once in the hotel they can enjoy the night together getting refreshing treatments like massage. After relaxing spa they can laze in bed, enjoying favourite food or drink and if possible enjoying nature through the window. After a long period of relaxation, going out for a walk together will improve bonding.
Going out overnight to enjoy comforting walk at the beach, strolling and relaxing at intervals without the interference of any other person can be a great idea of bonding. Being of the same sex, and often having the same set of likes and dislikes, they can spend time on makeup or applying nail polish etc. The daughter should never forget to thank the mother for the wonderful time they spent together, and the mother should never hesitate to say a few words of praise to the daughter.
Going out for shopping together is a good bonding idea too. It is not essential that lots of money should be spent on shopping. The mother can take the daughter to some shops where she can buy her uniform or some other things. They can jointly enjoy window shopping, expressing love for and gratitude to the other.
Sue and Johnsy are friends and they live in one studio.
But Johnsy kept her bed. The doctor thought there was uncertain hope and he couldn’t see any confidence in Johnsy.
At the same time, Johnsy lay on the bed, looking through the small window and counted “10、9” and “8、7......” She said feebly. When the last leaf fell she must go.
Sue heard that and felt sad. She went to invite old Behrman, who was a painter with no achievement. And he always talked of his coming masterpiece.
Behrman heard the story of Johnsy from Sue.
After the beating rain and fierce wind that had endured through the night, there was still one leaf. And another terrible night, it was still here. Johnsy lay for a long time looking at it. Then she saw the life’s energy and wanted to live.
With the help of doctor and Sue, Johnsy was out of danger. But the bad news was that the old Behrman died of pneumonia. And they knew the secret that the last leaf was just a painting, drew by Behramn in that terrible night.
This is really a beautiful and sorrowful story. We can give other people energy, hope and love. You can see something glittering in our heart.
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What Makes an Ideal Friend?
To say what an ideal friend is is not the easiest thing to do. Each person has his or her own opinion of what one would be. However, speaking generally, there are certain features that most people consider characteristic of an ideal friend. Loyal, trustworthy, and open to show weakness are common qualities that the majority of people attach to ideal friends.
Loyalty is a usual quality given to ideal friends. According to Psychology Today, “Loyalty is valued early on in all of our relationships, from the time we make our first friendships. We need friends who won’t spill our secrets to others, gossip about us, or allow others to criticize us”. The worst action between friends is not keeping one’s word.
Ideal friends are also usually referred to as being trustworthy. In a statement by Psychology Today, they say that, “Trustworthiness is often the “make or break” element in any interpersonal relationship. Any unfaithful action, regardless of recognized degree, can destroy a relationship. Trustworthiness consists of several elements, including honesty, dependability, and loyalty, and while each is important to successful relationships, honesty and dependability have been identified as the most vital in the area of friendships”. In light of this, a universal complaint of friends is a lack of honesty, and this is at the heart of being trustworthy.
In line with being honest is also the ability to show one’s weaknesses. According to the Book of Life, “The ideal friend doesn’t try to prove how powerful and successful they are; on the contrary, quite often they let us know awkward and potentially embarrassing things about themselves. They show how much they trust us by confessing failings and sorrows which would open them up to possible disgrace from the world beyond. They offer us the gift of their defenselessness”. That openness is treasured, as to be close to an individual, one must be willing to share his or her true feelings and states.
Richard Branson: Rags to Riches Richard Branson was not a good student. In fact, he quit school at the age of 16. That, however, did not stop him from becoming successful. Today, this billionaire is formally known as Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson. And he is one of the richest men in the United Kingdom. He is worth about US$4.6 billion. He even owns his own island.
After he left school, Richard started a magazine called Student. It was an overnight success. From there, he got involved in the record industry. He started a successful record store in London. After that, he started a record label called Virgin Records.
Clearly, music has been important to Richard’s success, but it is not the only thing he is involved in. He is the founder of the Virgin Group, which employs more than fifty thousand people and operates in fifty different countries. The groups is made up of hundreds of companies. Perhaps you have flown on a Virgin Airlines plane or bought music from a Virgin Megastore. If you dream of space travel, Virgin Galactic might be able to one day make that dream a reality.
The key to Sir Richard Branson’s success has been his ability to connect with people. He may not have gotten the best grades in school, but he is a charming and likeable businessman. Sir Richard’s story is unusual, but it provides hope to people all over the world. From average beginnings to great success, his story is truly one of “rags to riches.”
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Family Disputes and Arguments
There may be nothing worse than slammed doors,raised voices and tears but,according to new research,it's actually a good idea for parents who want to be close to their teenage children to have a row(吵架）a day.
Instead of causing alienation(疏远)，conflict can strengthen parent-adolescent relationships, says Tabitha Holmes,a specialist in adolescent development.“It was a complete surprise to me to discover during my research that teenagers themselves saw heated arguments as something that brought them closer to their parents,'said Holmes.“While their parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was,the adolescents were able to see how arguments helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly.
They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through,express and defend their opinions and desires.'According to Holmes,it is the day-to-day conflicts-the very ones that can be so draining-—that are most constructive:the endless rows over homework,clothes and friends.It's vital for conflicts to be heated: calm discussion or animated debate does not count.‘Adolescents said they only told their mothers what they really felt and thought when they were forced to defend their position.'
“If your teenager is rowing with you,it's actually a mark of respect,'Holmes said.“It shows they value you enough to tell you their genuine feelings and thoughts.'To be positive,conflicts have to be handled in the right way,Holmes admitted.Parents need to listen genuinely to their teenager's viewpoint;it's necessary for them to be able to modify their own position in the light of what their child tells them;and they need to be respectful,to go into the row acknowledging that their child's point of view is worthwhile.
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