Teaching Children about Forgiveness
If you’ve seen your children struggle to forgive someone for hurting them, you know that forgiveness is complicated. After all, forgiveness is complicated for adults, too. At times, we wonder why we’re trying to forgive someone anyway; later, we might think we’ve forgiven them, only to experience a sudden burst of anger. Indeed, it takes many years for us to grasp the meaning of forgiveness as we grow up.
It’s understandable that children may feel hurt or angry when a friend does something less-than-kind to them. Maybe the friend said something unkind or broke something precious, embarrassed them, excluded them, or told their secrets. Children may be tempted to get even with a friend who’s done them wrong, by doing something worse or telling everyone how terrible the friend is, but trying to get revenge only escalates (升级) the conflict.
Parents can play an important role in teaching children about forgiveness. Children watch how important adults in their lives respond when someone does something unkind. Do they complain to others or speak directly to the person involved? How long does it take them to get over being mad or hurt? How do they get over it? Parents can teach their children about the value of forgiveness by regularly practicing it in their own lives.
Sometimes parents can talk with their children about forgiveness, based on where kids are in their cognitive (认知的) and emotional development. For example, children need to understand that no one is perfect, so generously forgiving a well-meaning friend is a caring thing to do. If parents can help children see things a little more from other people’s perspective, this will make forgiveness easier. These conversations can change the way children think about forgiveness and help them emotionally recover when they inevitably experience harm and unfair treatment from others in life.
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Families have existed for about 300,000 years now, continually changing with times. Still, the lifestyle of the contemporary American family horrifies some foreigners. They describe it this way: “Young children are in day care centers, Teenagers are often in trouble. Mothers are at work. Divorced fathers rarely see their children. Widowed grandparents live alone. Great-grandparents live in nursing homes. Don’t American family members love each other and take care of each other?”
Yes, they do. The American family still cares about and cares for its members, but in new ways. American children, for example, may spend less time with relatives than children did in the past. Nevertheless, families still give children their most important experiences and values, as well as their most enduring relationships.
No longer do American families live by the rule that “Father’s word is law.” Today’s family tries to be democratic, to give all family members some voice in decision making. Of course, it is usually a joint one.
This democratic approach to family life does not prevent all family quarrels. Americans have familiar phrases to describe various types of family arguments. First, there’s the battle of the sexes, when husband and wife fight for dominance of the family. Then there’s sibling rivalry, competition and jealousy between brothers and sisters. Americans also speak of the generation gap, which makes it difficult for parents for the attitudes and behavior of their children and vice versa (反之亦然). Married people often have in- law problems, especially when older parents try to control the lives of their married children. But despite all these common family quarrels, family members usually get special consideration just because they are family. Americans often give reason for special treatment of relatives by quoting the expression “blood is thicker than water.”
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A Welcome Gift
Dario and his mother loved their new apartment. The living room was large enough for their piano. That night, the two of them set side by side at the piano. They played jazz music to celebrate their new home. The loud music filled the room, making them feel very happy.
The next morning, however, their happiness disappeared. Someone had left a note under their door during the night. Complaining about the sound of the piano. Dario’s mother asked the building manager if he knew anything about it. But he said that they were all nice people and he couldn’t imagine any of them had done that. Later that morning, Dario suggested writing a letter to apologize.
“Maybe we could visit everyone in person.” his mother said．
“What if we invited them to come here for a party instead? Dario asked．
They both loved the idea. Over the next few days, they sent out invitations and prepared desserts for their guests. They decorated the apartment with streamers (彩带) and party lights.
Finally, the day of the party arrived. Some guests brought presents. Others brought flowers. One woman, Mrs. Gilbert, presented Dario’s mother with a book of piano music by Chopin.
“I heard you playing the other night,” she said. “The sounds woke me out of bed. I worried that you might play like this every night. So I wrote a short note. I hope you don’t think I disliked the playing.”
Dario’s mother smiled at Mrs. Gilbert. “I think maybe we owe you an apology.” she said.“I didn’t realize how late it was when we were playing. Maybe we should play some quieter music at night.
“You play, you play!” Mrs. Gilbert said. “I like what you play! Just not so loud at night.” She pointed to the book she had given them. “These songs are not so loud.”
“These songs are beautiful music.” Dario’s mother said. “We will be happy to play them in the evening.” “And we won’t play so loud or late!” Dario said. He was already looking forward to practising the new music. More than that, however, he was happy to see the big smile on his mother’s face. It gave him a feeling of warmth and made him feel that they were home at last.
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If there was one thing you could make parents understand about kids, what would it be? That is one of the questions TFK and KidsHealth. org recently asked in an anonymous(匿名的) survey conducted online. More than 8,000 kids answered. “We just want to spend time with you,” said a 12-year-old child. “At 13, you can’t treat me like I’m 6,” another kid said. An 11-year-old child wrote, “Being a kid is a lot harder than it looks.” The kids who took our survey made it clear that they want to feel close to the important people in their life—their mum, dad and other caring adults. But their answers also show that it is not always easy to deal with these close relationships.
Many kids—two out of three—said they get along pretty well or very well with their parents. About four out of five kids told us that they have fun with their parents. But that doesn’t mean they never disagree. In fact, most kids reported arguing with their parents, at least sometimes. “It’s absolutely normal to disagree and argue,” says D’Arcy Lyness, a child psychologist. “But it’s also important to learn how to do so respectfully.” About half of the kids said they are doing that. When they disagree with their parents, they say they discuss issues calmly.
But two out of five kids said arguments tend to involve yelling at each other. Lyness points out that shouting never helps. “Speak up, and let your parents know your ideas and your opinions,” she advises. “But be patient. Don’t use a raised, angry voice.”
Kids made it clear that they would rather avoid conflict altogether. Not surprisingly, three out of four kids admitted lying at times. Many said they lie to avoid getting in trouble or disappointing their parents. According to Lyness, lying isn’t just wrong. It can actually get negative results. Telling the truth builds trust. “When parents can trust you, they are more likely to give you more freedom and more privileges,” she says.
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Is the traditional family dinner a thing of the past? In today’s households where both parents go to work and kids have busy schedules with school, an array of afternoon activities and much homework, finding time for a gathering at the table seems impossible. Yet, studies have shown time and again that eating together has multiple benefits for family members, especially children.
According to a number of reports issued by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, children who eat at least five times a week with their family are at lower risk of developing poor eating habits, weight problems or alcohol dependencies, and tend to perform better academically than their peers who frequently eat alone or away from home.
Eating together as a family is not just about food and nutrition. “Food has become so easily and cheaply available that we no longer appreciate its significance,” says Professor Robin Fox, who teaches anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey. "We have to rediscover its importance and its value." Sharing a meal with loved ones should be considered a special event, which can almost take on the form of a ceremony, as it was practiced by our ancestors, for whom finding food was a constant struggle.
Besides appreciation for the value of food, there are also many social elements that come into play when families share meals, says Miriam Weinstein, author of The Surprising Power of Family Meals. The dinner table can be the perfect environment where kids learn how to conduct conversations, observe good manners, serve others, listen, solve conflicts and compromise.
Of course, there is no guarantee that the simple act of eating at home surrounded by family will save children from developing unhealthy lifestyles or making regrettable choices down the road. It may not make them more virtuous (品行端正的) or socially more responsible. But it can form a basis for a lot of things that point them in the right direction.
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A Father’s Influence Makes for Better Grades
Adolescents from low-income families in particular are more likely than their middle-class peers to underachieve and to drop out of school. Studies have shown that a positive attitude towards school work and the support and encouragement from their parents can help at-risk youngsters to overcome the economic barriers and lack of resources they face. Most of the evidence about the effects of parental involvement comes from research on mothers. Little is known, however, about how adolescents experience their fathers’ warmth and the beliefs and behaviors that are most affected by it.
This new study is part of a larger one focusing on low-income families conducted in four middle schools in the southwestern United States. Data were analyzed from questionnaires completed by 183 sixth-graders about how optimistic and motivated they were about their schoolwork, and how they experienced their fathers. The questionnaires were completed primarily by respondents of Mexican American, African American and European American descent. Their maths and language arts grades were also obtained.
Their findings show how fathers can support their teenagers in ways that result in greater optimism, self-efficacy, and, ultimately, higher achievement at school.
These positive effects extend to both sons and daughters, while in different ways. Experiencing their father’s warmth first influences daughters’ sense of optimism, and then spills over into their feeling more determined and certain about their academic abilities. This in turn leads to better math grades. There is a more direct link between their fathers’ involvement and teenage boys’ belief in their ability to succeed on the academic front. This heightened self-confidence increased their success in English language arts classes.
Suizzo suggests that counselors and educators should encourage fathers to communicate warmth and acceptance to their children, because of the positive influence these emotions have on their well-being.
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It is universally true that all parents in the world love their children. However, as parents’ views of life vary, they show their love in different ways.
The monarch type of parents are intolerant and self-centered. They lay down regulations in the family for their children to observe. Furthermore, they insist that their children should act upon them without question. With a frim belief in their own philosophy of life, they have little respect for others’ opinions, least of all, their children’s. the sentence they say most frequently to their children is, “you should do this.”
Contrary to the monarch-type parents, the servant-type parents revolve around their children all the time. They are soft, good-natured, and easy-going. They never deny their children any wish, and cheerfully run to buy anything their children ask for. They are happy so long as their children are content. With the sincere belief that love means sacrifice, they are ready to give up anything or their children’s sake. With their children at the center of their lives, they always ask, “What else can we do for you?”
The friend-type parents, as the term implies, treat their children as friends. They are generous and wise. Like good friends ,they discuss with their children the latest news, share their children’s interests, and listen attentively to their children’s expression of emotion, whether it is anger, fear, joy or sorrow. They have a close relationship with their children while sticking to their principled stand. They discuss problems with their children rather than provide ready solution. They respect their children as their equals. They often say: “Let’s put out heads together and see what we can do”
There is no doubt that children welcome the third type of parents, for a free, friendly, and sympathetic atmosphere at home is most favorable to the development of youngsters both in body and in mind. All parents should re-examine and change some of their ways of showing their love if they want their children to grow up happily and healthily.
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Hope
Nothing in my life had prepared me for what I had to do. Choosing my words carefully, and fighting to stay calm, I told my 4-year-old daughter that her grandmother had suffered a stroke（中风），that she was unconscious, and that the doctors said she would probably never wake up. As she moved closer to me, Amelia looked at me, eyes bright, and said, “Maybe Grandma will be okay.” “Maybe she will,” I said, keeping back the tears, But I knew better. I was flying up to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, from our Florida home in the morning to say good-bye to my mom.
The rest of that awful week, I joined my brother and father sitting by my mother’s side in the hospital room. I held her hand and talked to her. I told her that we still needed her. I told her that it wasn’t time to leave yet. I told her how much I loved her. And I told her that her little granddaughter, Amelia, believed that she’d get better. The doctors, with all their years of training and experience, offered no hope for recovery. The damage was simply too extensive.
Then, a couple of weeks later, an odd thing happened. Mom woke up. She regained consciousness. Persevered through a long and tough recovery, during which she had to learn to walk, read, and write all over again, and eventually returned home to Dad. The only one who wasn’t shocked was Amerlia. The doctors couldn’t explain it. Amelia didn’t need to. Hope came as naturally to her as breathings.
So why are we so afraid to hope sometimes? Maybe it’s because over the year, life’s disappointments can turn us to disillusionment（理想破灭）. How many times have you heard someone say: “Hope for the best, expect the worst”? That’s not really hope at all.
Hope is being able to look at our world with all of the joy and wonder of a child.
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9 . Dear Amy，
My friend has started talking to boys online.This is really boring me.We are 16 years old!
I am really against talking to people online unless I know them，but she says that it’s OK.She really starts to like this boy “Jimmy”．
I have warned her many times not to share personal information pictures.She doesn’t listen to me.She sends him her pictures and phone number，and she tells me that she knows that he is not bad because she has seen his page on www.Myspace.com.Now she is becoming really unhappy because of “Jimmy”，and she calls him all the time.
I’m really worried about her，but she told me not to tell anyone，although many of my friends know.She even lied to her mom about him.
What can I do? I don’t want her to get into trouble!
Concerned Friend
读上面的短文，用30字概括大意。
To Friend or Unfriend
Social networking makes it very easy to have friends – lots and lots friends. Hundreds or millions of people have joined QQ, Wechat, and other sites so that they can communicate with friends online. However, the meaning of the word “friend” seems changed. In the past, a friend was someone you had a close personal relationship with. Now, anyone in the world can be your friend online! Some people have thousands of cyber friends, but what do you do if you don’t want to have so many friends?
Easy! You can dump an unwanted friend with just one click of your mouse. in recent years, it has become so common to get rid of friends in this way that there is a new word to describe it – to “unfriend”. The new Oxford American Dictionary named it word of the Year in 2009 and defined it like this: “to remove someone as a ‘friend’ from social networking site”. But why would you want to do such a thing as unfriending someone?
The most common reason for unfriending someone is to eliminate annoying people from your social life. For example, some friends post messages much too frequently, especially those messages found to be extremely boring. They endlessly post status updates which say something like “I’m cooking dinner” or “I’m doing homework”. Another reason for unfriending someone is disagreement about world issues. A third reason is to get rid of people who write dirty things on social websites.
Although dumping friends is not just an Internet phenomenon, far more online friendships end suddenly than off-line ones. Even in this computer age, it remains true that many people prefer spending time together face-to face. After all, that’s what friends are for!
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