As your child progresses through life, he will make mistakes. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to correct those mistakes, but you should use the right way to correct your child’s mistakes or else you risk harming his self-esteem (自尊) or causing problems in your relationship. Using the right way to offer your child constructive criticism (建设性的批评) encourages healthy development.
Parents should be willing to teach their child proper behaviors when offering constructive criticism, according to an Everyday Health article. If your child’s leaving food particles on dishes that he’s washed, teach him your way of properly washing dishes, as opposed to shouting at him or thinking he’s lazy. You can say, “I know you work hard at washing the dishes every night. But for the past few weeks I’ve noticed that there’s been some food stuck on some of the dishes. I used to do this when I was about your age, too. May I show you the way I’ve learned to wash the dishes?”
Your child will probably not reply to your criticism if it is given in an angry tone (语气). Talk to your child when you’re calm and clear-headed. It’s difficult enough to receive criticism because no one really wants to hear about their mistakes, says psychiatrist Harry Croft, so it’s important that you use a loving tone when correcting your child’s mistakes. If the matter doesn’t need to be dealt with immediately, give yourself as much time as you need — even go for a walk — before correcting your child’s behaviors.
Comparison is never a good way of offering constructive criticism. When you compare your child with someone else, you are creating feelings of inadequacy (缺乏信心) in your child, which can have long-lasting bad influences. Instead, focus on your child, his behaviors, and the things he might be able to improve. Instead of saying, “I wish you could be respectful to your grandparents like your brother,” try saying, “I really want you to work on having more respect for your grandparents.”
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Sue and Johnsy are friends and they live in one studio.
But Johnsy kept her bed. The doctor thought there was uncertain hope and he couldn’t see any confidence in Johnsy.
At the same time, Johnsy lay on the bed, looking through the small window and counted “10、9” and “8、7......” She said feebly. When the last leaf fell she must go.
Sue heard that and felt sad. She went to invite old Behrman, who was a painter with no achievement. And he always talked of his coming masterpiece.
Behrman heard the story of Johnsy from Sue.
After the beating rain and fierce wind that had endured through the night, there was still one leaf. And another terrible night, it was still here. Johnsy lay for a long time looking at it. Then she saw the life’s energy and wanted to live.
With the help of doctor and Sue, Johnsy was out of danger. But the bad news was that the old Behrman died of pneumonia. And they knew the secret that the last leaf was just a painting, drew by Behramn in that terrible night.
This is really a beautiful and sorrowful story. We can give other people energy, hope and love. You can see something glittering in our heart.
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What Makes an Ideal Friend?
To say what an ideal friend is is not the easiest thing to do. Each person has his or her own opinion of what one would be. However, speaking generally, there are certain features that most people consider characteristic of an ideal friend. Loyal, trustworthy, and open to show weakness are common qualities that the majority of people attach to ideal friends.
Loyalty is a usual quality given to ideal friends. According to Psychology Today, “Loyalty is valued early on in all of our relationships, from the time we make our first friendships. We need friends who won’t spill our secrets to others, gossip about us, or allow others to criticize us”. The worst action between friends is not keeping one’s word.
Ideal friends are also usually referred to as being trustworthy. In a statement by Psychology Today, they say that, “Trustworthiness is often the “make or break” element in any interpersonal relationship. Any unfaithful action, regardless of recognized degree, can destroy a relationship. Trustworthiness consists of several elements, including honesty, dependability, and loyalty, and while each is important to successful relationships, honesty and dependability have been identified as the most vital in the area of friendships”. In light of this, a universal complaint of friends is a lack of honesty, and this is at the heart of being trustworthy.
In line with being honest is also the ability to show one’s weaknesses. According to the Book of Life, “The ideal friend doesn’t try to prove how powerful and successful they are; on the contrary, quite often they let us know awkward and potentially embarrassing things about themselves. They show how much they trust us by confessing failings and sorrows which would open them up to possible disgrace from the world beyond. They offer us the gift of their defenselessness”. That openness is treasured, as to be close to an individual, one must be willing to share his or her true feelings and states.
Richard Branson: Rags to Riches Richard Branson was not a good student. In fact, he quit school at the age of 16. That, however, did not stop him from becoming successful. Today, this billionaire is formally known as Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson. And he is one of the richest men in the United Kingdom. He is worth about US$4.6 billion. He even owns his own island.
After he left school, Richard started a magazine called Student. It was an overnight success. From there, he got involved in the record industry. He started a successful record store in London. After that, he started a record label called Virgin Records.
Clearly, music has been important to Richard’s success, but it is not the only thing he is involved in. He is the founder of the Virgin Group, which employs more than fifty thousand people and operates in fifty different countries. The groups is made up of hundreds of companies. Perhaps you have flown on a Virgin Airlines plane or bought music from a Virgin Megastore. If you dream of space travel, Virgin Galactic might be able to one day make that dream a reality.
The key to Sir Richard Branson’s success has been his ability to connect with people. He may not have gotten the best grades in school, but he is a charming and likeable businessman. Sir Richard’s story is unusual, but it provides hope to people all over the world. From average beginnings to great success, his story is truly one of “rags to riches.”
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Family Disputes and Arguments
There may be nothing worse than slammed doors,raised voices and tears but,according to new research,it's actually a good idea for parents who want to be close to their teenage children to have a row(吵架）a day.
Instead of causing alienation(疏远)，conflict can strengthen parent-adolescent relationships, says Tabitha Holmes,a specialist in adolescent development.“It was a complete surprise to me to discover during my research that teenagers themselves saw heated arguments as something that brought them closer to their parents,'said Holmes.“While their parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was,the adolescents were able to see how arguments helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly.
They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through,express and defend their opinions and desires.'According to Holmes,it is the day-to-day conflicts-the very ones that can be so draining-—that are most constructive:the endless rows over homework,clothes and friends.It's vital for conflicts to be heated: calm discussion or animated debate does not count.‘Adolescents said they only told their mothers what they really felt and thought when they were forced to defend their position.'
“If your teenager is rowing with you,it's actually a mark of respect,'Holmes said.“It shows they value you enough to tell you their genuine feelings and thoughts.'To be positive,conflicts have to be handled in the right way,Holmes admitted.Parents need to listen genuinely to their teenager's viewpoint;it's necessary for them to be able to modify their own position in the light of what their child tells them;and they need to be respectful,to go into the row acknowledging that their child's point of view is worthwhile.
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Not everyone is lucky and can claim that they share a great relationship with their own parents. As you age, your points of view on life may greatly differ from those of your parents. Due to the generation gap, there is a huge possibility of misunderstandings between parents and children. All these can lead to conflicts. So what can you do to get along well with your parents as a teenager?
First, make sure that your behavior is responsible and mature. Carry out the duties your parents have assigned to you. If you complete your daily chores on time, you will realize your parents don't blame you so much! Don't go out of the way to do something which your parents have forbidden you from doing.
As you enter your mid-teens, you will realize you want to be independent, from choosing what to eat for breakfast, to buying your clothes, and making new friends. This change is going to cause a conflict between you and your parents. Keep in mind that parents will not agree to your decisions right away. You will feel you have controlling parents, and that there is no way out of the situation. To avoid further conflicts, talk to them. Hear them out. It's the best way to solve a lot of problems. In addition, calm yourself down when conflicts occur. It might take some time for your parents to realize that their little kid is growing up and is entitled to his or her own opinions.
Make it a point to talk to your parents every day about your school life, friends, your day-to-day activities, your teachers, just about anything. If you're stressed about any problem at school, discuss it with your parents. They are the best people to help you out and deal with it.
In a word, love and respect your parents for what they are and everything they've done for you, and no doubt, they'll in turn respect you for turning into responsible adults.
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On an October afternoon last year, James Vernon, 76, was supervising a youth chess club meeting in a conference room in the Morton Public Library in Morton, Illinois. About 16 kids, aged seven to twelve, quietly faced off at two horizontal rows of tables, and James walked from pair to pair, overseeing the matches and offering tips. Four mothers sat off to the side, waiting for their kids to finish the weekly hour-long session.
Suddenly, a stocky teenager wearing glasses burst through the door at the front of the room JTm gonna kill some people!" he yelled.
At first, James, who was standing in the aisle between the tables, thought the bizarre sight was a Halloween prank, but then he saw the five-inch hunting knives that the teenager was holding in each hand. The teen, whom police later identified as Dustin Brown, 19, shouted incoherently and began cutting his left forearm with one of die knives. "As soon as I saw those knives and he started shouting, I knew this wasn't a prank/9 says James. UI thought I can't let something terrible happen."
James, a former computer-systems architect, spent 44 months in the US Army from 1962 to 1966. He had been trained in hand-to-hand combat, but he decided not to do that and to attempt to calm the boy instead by talking to him. "Hey, who are you?" “Where do you go to school? What's the problem?" James asked the boy. "Let's talk about this. I'll listen."
“My life is terrible, Dustin replied as he peered down at the floor and continued to cut his arm. While James talked to Dustin on one side of the room, Sandy Rassi, 40, the mother of three of the chess students, stood up on the other side. When she heard James say, "It's about time for these kids to head home," she motioned silently for the children to quietly leave the room one by one.
When Dustin finally looked up, he saw that the chairs were empty, and he lunged at James.
“I think he attacked me because I was the only one left,” says James.
Dustin swung the knife toward the man's neck and face, but James caught the blade with his left hand. With his hand bleeding, James continued to fight. He grabbed the necklace Dustin was wearing with his right hand and jerked him forward. Then James pinned the boy onto a table on his left side, hitting the right side of his collarbone with his uninjured fist. "I was trying to get him to drop the knives," says James.
It worked. Dustin let go of both weapons, and James kept the attacker under control until Morton police officers arrived a few minutes later.
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Family problems are a universal phenomenon, and they can always cause people pain, especially around family-centered times, like holidays. However, there are ways to solve the problems. Life is too short to waste. How a person approaches the family members and what he says can make a big difference.
If the family members are arguing, waiting until everyone calms down can help deal with the argument. A person shouldn’t discuss the family problem when he is still feeling upset or emotional. If he waits even a single night, the intensity (强度) of the emotion is likely to calm down somewhat, even if he is still unhappy. So it is advised that he should wait rather than react emotionally. If he takes a step back and gives himself some time to think before dealing with the problem, he will deal with it wisely.
There are lots of people who want to send off a text or an email and wish they could take things back. Actually, the tone (语气) can be easily misunderstood by electronic communication. The man who sends off a text message or email might not think he sounds angry to the person receiving it. Instead of sending off a text, pick up the telephone, or better yet, arrange in-person communication. Electronic communication means people lose the true meaning of body language, which can convey feelings and reduce the sting (刺痛) of a painful conversation.
As the saying goes, “Blood is thicker than water.” People can choose their friends, but not their family. You might be able to cut family members out, but it could cause you more pain down the road. Understanding that family members have faults, but they can still love their families, is the first step towards dealing with problems. Accept your own faults, too.
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People have a complicated relationship with failure. While the basic idea of learning from failure is supported by evidence, most people fear it for their kids. No parent wants to see their children fail. Failing hurts. It is hard to see your daughter pour her heart into studying for a Math test, only to get a C. You want your children to succeed, but most of all you don't want to see them suffer.
The world often sees children as a reflection of their parents. The common belief is that when your teen fails, it reflects poorly on you. No one wants to be judged. As a result, parents slowly take over the responsibility of "managing" academics, athletics and relationships to prevent failure and pain.
But failure is a part of growing. Even though you have the best intentions, you have to let your kids fail. Teaching your children about failure changes your relationship from a "Responsible for" mindset (心态) to one of "Responsible to." Rather than feeling responsible for your daughter and her actions, you feel responsible to teach and let her deal with the situation.
Feeling "responsible for" children's actions can lead to parents overcompensating(过度补偿) for real or potential weaknesses. Skills like conflict solution, problem-solving and dealing with authority figures are important development markers for teenagers. When parents overcompensate for children's weaknesses they rob teens of opportunities to improve developmental skills.
Feeling "responsible to" teach and guide children allows parents to create space for failure and challenges. Teenagers can then use this space to perfect these important developmental skills. Over time, the weaknesses become strengths. When your children fail, you don't have to lower your standards for your kids, but you may have to change expectations. Remember, when you feel responsible to give your children more freedom, it changes how you deal with failure. Failure becomes a stepping stone to success rather than something to be avoided.
If there was one thing you could make parents understand about kids, what would it be? That is one of the questions TFK and KidsHealth. org recently asked in an anonymous(匿名的) survey conducted online. More than 8,000 kids answered. “We just want to spend time with you,” said a 12-year-old child. “At 13, you can’t treat me like I’m 6,” another kid said. An 11-year-old child wrote, “Being a kid is a lot harder than it looks.” The kids who took our survey made it clear that they want to feel close to the important people in their life—their mum, dad and other caring adults. But their answers also show that it is not always easy to deal with these close relationships.
Many kids—two out of three—said they get along pretty well or very well with their parents. About four out of five kids told us that they have fun with their parents. But that doesn’t mean they never disagree. In fact, most kids reported arguing with their parents, at least sometimes. “It’s absolutely normal to disagree and argue,” says D’Arcy Lyness, a child psychologist. “But it’s also important to learn how to do so respectfully.” About half of the kids said they are doing that. When they disagree with their parents, they say they discuss issues calmly.
But two out of five kids said arguments tend to involve yelling at each other. Lyness points out that shouting never helps. “Speak up, and let your parents know your ideas and your opinions,” she advises. “But be patient. Don’t use a raised, angry voice.”
Kids made it clear that they would rather avoid conflict altogether. Not surprisingly, three out of four kids admitted lying at times. Many said they lie to avoid getting in trouble or disappointing their parents. According to Lyness, lying isn’t just wrong. It can actually get negative results. Telling the truth builds trust. “When parents can trust you, they are more likely to give you more freedom and more privileges,” she says.
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