1 . Do you think you need to shout at yourself to force yourself to finish your homework? If so, think again.    1     Research shows that practicing self-compassion (自我关怀) improves our mental and physical well-being and supports long-term success.

Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and supportive to ourselves. The opposite is being self-critical and mean to ourselves when we make a mistake.     2     These negative responses are related to depression, stress and reduced quality of life.

A 2017 study found people who practice self-compassion tend to handle stress better. Their bodies have less of a stress response when, for example, they meet with difficulties at work or school.     3     Let’s say they do poorly on a geometry test. Self-compassion helps them use the experience to make changes going forward, like seeking out a math tutor.

    4     We can start with mindfulness. First of all, practice observing our thoughts — are they understanding or critical? Don’t judge ourselves too severely then. Rather than getting caught up in how we could have done better, forgive ourselves and think about what to change while remaining respectful, and loving to ourselves.     5     We can read a novel, play a musical instrument or kick around a soccer ball with friends.

With practice, we can learn to treat ourselves with kindness and unconditional love — not tough love.

Joe worked as a night watchman in a factory after he graduated from high school. It was a lonely job, but he was content. He stopped by the beach every day on his way home to watch the sunrise.

One day, he was walking on the beach when he noticed a bottle in the surf. Joe picked it up and saw a roll of paper inside it. His heart beat fast. He removed the lid and opened the letter. “Hi! My name is Ritchie. I’m sending this message in the hope that somebody will find it and become my friend.”

It saddened Joe to think of this boy waiting and hoping somebody would answer his message. He took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number written near the bottom of the page.

However, the number didn’t exist anymore. Joe was determined to find Ritchie, so he went straight to the city library for help. A librarian took him to a section of the library that felt deserted. There, she pointed him to the shelves filled with old telephone books. She sat down with him, and they searched the telephone books for Ritchie’s phone number together. Two hours later, the librarian let out an excited scream. “I found him!”

“Thank you,” Joe said, quickly copying down the address. He immediately headed for the address from the phone book. He almost screamed when he saw that the house at the address had been transformed into a hair salon. Joe stared at the sign. He held the message from the bottle in one fist and the paper with the address in the other. He walked in and explained everything to the barber. “Ritchie was born with disabilities. He has been using a wheelchair since he was a kid. Well, he’s an old man now. If you still want to find him, I hear he’s at the Serenity nursing home.” Joe thanked the man and drove to the nursing home.

After asking to see Ritchie, Joe was shown to a sunlit room.

One day, Joe received a call, learning that Ritchie had passed away the previous night.

3 . I was in first grade in Mrs. Bauer’s class at a time when elementary schools held student gift swaps. I was to _______ toys with Paul, a boy I knew little about.

I bought a Matchbox car for Paul. After all, all boys _________ such toys. However, the gift Paul _________ for me was a small plastic Santa Claus on green snow skis. It surely cost much less.

As Paul and other boys raced their new Matchbox cars delightedly in the classroom, I tried to hold back hot tears. Though I felt _________, I started racing my skiing Santa alongside the Matchbox cars. Truthfully, I wasn’t trying to erase any _________ Paul might have felt for giving such a cheap gift. I _________ didn’t want to feel left out.

When school was over, Mrs. Bauer asked me to remain behind for a moment. I sat _________ at my desk, having no idea what I’d done wrong. When we were alone, she said to me with great _________, “I’m proud of you for not showing your _________. That would have hurt Paul’s feelings. You gave him a very nice __________ that made him cheerful, and you should be __________ about that.” Mrs. Bauer’s message, which I didn’t fully __________ at that time, was that it is better to give than to receive.

Afterwards, I became __________ with Paul. I found his socks always had holes in them. He shared a tiny bedroom with two sisters, and his dad had died. That skiing Santa might have been all Paul could __________ to give. I suddenly realized it was far more __________ than any other gift.

4 . Anger is a natural feeling that everyone experiences in life. Some researchers believe the first sound a baby makes when born could be a sign of anger. Anger may be the first feeling we have and respond to. It’s in many cases a perfectly healthy feeling. Anger can cause people to make very positive changes in their lives. Sometimes we have to be angry at injustice (不公正), at wrong doings, or even at nature, before we can do what needs to be done to correct wrongs or make things better. But of course, that is not how we usually think of anger.

Most people think of anger as a feeling we must keep under control. Children are sometimes sent to their rooms or punished for expressing anger in an uncontrolled way. Parents tell a child to control himself when the child shows anger. We may be angry with friends or at work, but we know it’s not right to show it. Very early in life, we learn that anger is something that must be controlled.

We learn this for a good reason. Uncontrolled anger can lead to fights, car accidents, bad relationships with others, unacceptable social behavior, and many other problems. However, many experts say that if one suppresses his anger, he may suffer serious mental and physical health problems. So what can we do to understand and calm this feeling?

One solution is to talk about it with someone we trust, for example, a good friend. We can also try to walk away from a situation that causes anger, ask a doctor for advice, or just exercise more in our daily life. And of course we may have many other methods. Whatever solution we choose, as long as we are trying to find the solution to the problem, we have already taken the first step in the right direction.

7 . Men living alone are at greater risk of falling ill, the study says. As a species, humans live better being around others.    1    ? It varies among individuals as well as over one person’s stage of life.

    2    People who have been ignored can feel lonely because the community doesn’t welcome them in. And older adults can experience loneliness through retirement or the death of a loved one.

You could have a ton of social contacts and still be considerably lonely. You can see someone who is very social, and it seems like they are very connected, and yet they have a deep sense of loneliness.

    3    , quality is much more important than quantity. One of the things that distinguish between loneliness and solitude (独处) is that loneliness has very little to do with quantity—how many people you interact with, and how many groups you belong to.

Although there is a relationship between them, it is not very strong.    4    For some people, having a really deep, meaningful connection with one person is really critical to those feelings of connection, but for others it could actually be contact with a stranger. A deep conversation with a stranger at an airport bar, the smile of acknowledgement when you order your usual from your regular coffee shop, and a call with an old friend are all ways to decrease feelings of loneliness.    5    

Other resources such as social connection groups or shared activities are also available to help bridge the gap.

9 . Mrs. Hill was an English teacher at the new middle school I attended in the eighth grade. She wasn’t my teacher but I loved being around her and enjoyed her kindness. She was also a good Listener.

At the end of the year, she was moving to Florida, and I was sad. We exchanged addresses and became pen friends. I could tell her anything, and she treated me with respect even though I was a Schoolboy.

In Florida, Mrs. Hill became a lawyer, but she managed to find time to write me letters. She wrote amusing stories and always took my concerns seriously. She had given me an invitation to visit. I accepted it immediately, I spent three weeks with her in Miami. Her love of music and creative writing inspired me.

Two years later, Mrs. Hill surprised me by attending my high school graduation ceremony. Later that year, my family decided to spend Christmas in Florida and I couldn’t wait to see her again. When I arrived at her house, I had hoped to talk to her about school, but instead she was in a hospital bed. She had cancer. A month after we got back home, we were shocked to hear that Mrs. Hill had passed away.

To this day, more than 50 years later, whenever I read her letters again, thinking about the advice she gave me, I still remember the importance of her smile and her friendship. For me, she is a respected teacher forever!