1 . If you’re a perfectionist, that might mean you can be pretty hard on yourself. A mistake at work, for example, could result in some pretty negative self-talk or actions, like depriving yourself of a snack later that day.     1    

But self-punishment doesn’t encourage growth, says Katherine, a psychotherapist and author of “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control.”     2     “When you punish someone, that person doesn’t learn how to change; they learn how to avoid the source of the punishment.”

    3     This might look like overworking, overspending, or numbing yourself with excessive consumption of social media or TV shows. None of this actually helps you grow, though.

Instead of punishing yourself for making a mistake, it is more effective to practice self-compassion(自我同情). Katherine suggests the broaden-and-build theory, a positive psychology theory that was developed by social psychologist Barbara in 1998.

Broaden-and-build theory suggests that when you’re in a positive headspace you feel more able to face different challenges and make choices based on the possibility of positive outcomes. When you’re in a negative headspace your view narrows and you aren’t inspired or encouraged to think differently.     4    

Research demonstrates self compassion’s positive association with a greater sense of self-worth, more realistic self-evaluations of strengths and weaknesses, lower levels of depression and anxiety.     5     Choosing self-compassion instead of self-punishment means you are more likely to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

9 . A growing number of psychologists are getting out the message that anxiety has a positive role to play in our lives. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, who recently published Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad), thinks our culture goes too far in demonizing (妖魔化) the difficult emotion.

Psychologist Todd Kashdan, director of the Well-Being Lab at George Mason University in Virginia, is a critic of what he calls happyology. We don’t always have to be smiley and calm, or worry there’s something wrong with us. Sometimes, he says, worry itself is what is right. Fear of heights? Good, because you’re not going to be the person who falls off a cliff while taking a selfie.

These experts wonder if the natural role that anxiety plays in our lives is somehow being forgotten. For example, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced in March 2022 that the prevalence of anxiety had increased globally by 25% over the previous year. The WHO called the finding “a wake-up call to all countries to step up mental health services and support”. Do we know for certain that this data represents a public health crisis? Or could it mean that millions of folks are quite rightly feeling uncertain, stressed out and afraid?

We can experience healthy, often completely valid periods of anxiety without being categorized as mentally ill, according to behavioral psychologists. Anxiety is an adaptive strategy in human evolution. It helps us to prepare for the uncertain future. Anxiety helps us solve unknowns by planning and imagining, by plotting out possible ways.

According to Alice Boyes, who has a PhD in clinical psychology, coping with anxiety by avoiding them just reinforces your insecurity, because you’re not getting better at solving the problem. “Over time, you will feel less and less capable,” she warns.

The key is to manage anxiety before it overtakes us, like tending a garden so the weeds don’t spread. How do you do that? Solutions include meditation, exercise, compassionate connection such as volunteering, access to nature and mentally reframing what we’re experiencing.