1 . A guide to gaining self-confidence and feeling your best

Do you value yourself as a human being? Do you believe that you’re able to get the things you want?     1     We’ll tell you exactly how to gain self-confidence so you can believe in yourself more. So, let’s get started.

    2     . Everyone is good at something, so focus on areas where you’re the best. Make a list of your strengths, and take pride in your talents (天赋). When you’re feeling down, read your list so you can tell yourself how amazing you are.

Exercise. When you take good care of yourself, you feel more confident and positive. For good health, exercise for 30 minutes a day most days a week. Do something fun, like playing tennis, going for a walk with a friend, or dancing to your favorite music.     3     Invite your friend or partner to exercise with you to make it more fun.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are one-of-a-kind, so you’re not going to be like everyone else. Instead of using others as a measuring stick for success, use your past self. That way, you can focus on creating a life that makes you happy. Try to remember that what you see on social media is just the high point of someone’s life.     4    

Set and pursue (追求) realistic goals.     5     Feeling confident can give you the energy to pursue them. Choose a goal you want to work toward, and then break it up into smaller steps. Start working toward your goal today so you can create the life you want.

2 . When you hear “I have a dream...”, one of the most famous speeches in human history, you’ll never have the idea how the audience on the scene were fueled by emotional intelligence. When Martin Luther King. Jr. presented his dream, he chose language that would stir the hearts of his audience. Delivering this electrifying (震撼性的) message required emotional intelligence — the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions.

Emotional intelligence has been highly recommended by leaders, policymakers, and educators as the solution to a wide range of social problems. Emotional intelligence is important, but the uncontrolled enthusiasm has obscured (掩盖) a dark side. New evidence shows that when people sharpen their emotional skills, they become better at controlling others. When you’re good at controlling your own emotions, you can hide your true feelings. When you know what others are feeling, you can motivate them to act against their own best interests.

Social scientists have begun to document this dark side of emotional intelligence. In a research led by University of Toronto professor Jochen Menges, when a leader gave an inspiring speech filled with emotions, the audience were less likely to understand the message and remembered the content. Ironically, audience members were so moved by the speech that they claimed to recall more of it.

The authors call this the awestruck effect, but it might just as easily be described as the dumbstruck effect. One observer reflected that Hitler’s persuasive impact came from his ability to strategically express emotions — he would “tear open his heart” — and these emotions affected his followers to the point that they would “stop thinking critically and just emote.”

Leaders who master emotions can rob us of our abilities to reason. If their values are out of step with our own, the results can be destructive. New evidence suggests that when people have self-serving motives, emotional intelligence becomes a weapon for controlling others.

Throwing light on this dark side of emotional intelligence is one mission of a research team led by University College London professor Martin Kilduff. According to these experts, emotional intelligence helps people disguise (伪装) one set of emotions while expressing another for personal gain. Professor Kilduff’s team writes, “The strategic disguise of one’s own emotions and the controlling of others’ emotions for strategic ends are behaviors evident not only on Shakespeare’s stage but also in the offices and corridors where power and influence are traded.”

Of course, people aren’t always using emotional intelligence for nefarious ends. More often than not, high EQ is helpful in most aspects of our life. Emotional intelligence — like any skill — can be used for good or evil. So whether it is a gift or a curse lies in your hand.

5 . Feeling upset is a normal part of life. Something stressful may occur everywhere, and make you angry or anxious.     1     However, we can decide how we behave and react to the troubles we face. Here are some useful ways to keep our cool when we feel frustrated.

Remove yourself from the situation.

Conflicts with others can be difficult to deal with.     2     It is OK to say, “‘m going to take a break” and go for a walk or find a quiet place to sit and cool off. The goal is to give yourself some space to calm down and consider what to do next.

    3    

When we’re upset, our nervous system will speed up our heart rate and muscles tense. It prepares the body as if to meet an attack. You can soften such physical reaction by using practical techniques. If possible, find a safe place, sit comfortably and focus on your breath, breathing deeply and evenly. Mindful breathing helps us calm our feelings.

Lift your mood with laughter.

Laughter relieves the tension we feel when depressed. We can think of a joke or watch a video that always makes us roar with laughter. Afterwards, you may be able to lift the fog of frustration. Make sure what you use is not mean-spirited, though.     4    

Change your language.

Once things appear disappointing, many of us might punish ourselves with unkind words. In fact, it doesn’t have to be this way.     5     For example, instead of saying “I always mess things up”, we could say, “I made a mistake, but I’ll do it better next time.”

When I left for the United States to study, I had butterflies in my stomach. My mind was full of     1     (anxious) because I was going to a new place with new people and new customs. I couldn’t even understand     2     (they) language. Everything was    3     (true) different from my own country. There was nobody that I could talk to and I just had my husband,     4     made me feel alone and had no confidence     5     my new life.

It was     6     sad moment when I had to say goodbye to my family and friends. I didn’t want to leave my hometown because I grew up there and had     7     (impress) and wonderful memories of the place. So, thinking about all these changes made me nervous and I     8     (frighten) to face them. But studying abroad was a decision that I made myself. I had to continue and accept the challenge,     9     (hope) to get used to it. There was a lot     10     (explore) when living abroad. I looked forward to visiting my family in the summer vacation.

10 . Did your mother ever say you’ll feel better after a good cry? It turns out Mom is right as usual-crying really is healthy. What’s more, letting yourself feel blue and accepting those feelings will help you feel better in the long run, according to a new research.

In three separate studies both online and in a lab, researchers at UC Berkeley evaluated the responses from 1,300 adults regarding their psychological (心理的) health and emotional well-being(幸福感).In one study,1,000 participants filled out a survey evaluating how they felt about the statement, “I tell myself I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I’m feeling.” Those who agreed with the statement scored lower on tests of well-being. In other words, letting yourself feel bad is better for your mind and mood than trying to control negative thoughts.

“We found that people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience fewer negative emotions, which adds to better psychological health,” said study senior author Iris Mauss, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at UC Berkeley in an article on the university’s website.

In a society where the importance to be happy is emphasized daily on the other social media platforms, letting yourself be down in the dumps can be tough. Just remember that true happiness isn’t always what people say it is.

“It turns out that how we approach our own negative emotional reactions is really important for our well-being,” said study lead author Brett Ford, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. “People who accept these emotions without judging or trying to change them are able to deal with their stress more successfully.”

So next time someone tells you to “turn that frown upside down”, ignore them. Embrace your inner feelings for a while.