4 . Making and keeping deep, meaningful friendships as an adult is hard, especially for men. Less than half of men report being satisfied with their friendships, and only about 1 in 5 said they had received emotional support from a friend in the last week, compared with 4 in 10 women, according to a 2021 survey from the Survey Center on American Life.

Why is it so hard? When Dr. Frank Sileo, a psychologist based in Ridgewood, New Jersey, first began conducting research on male friendships in 1995, many participants assumed his survey was about homosexuality (同性恋). Such opinions are inaccurate, but showed some of what maybe holding some men back from deep friendships, Sileo said.

Besides, boys receive messages that growing up and “manning up” mean hiding their soft side - a mindset that neuroscience, social science and developmental psychology all show is harmful to them. The drive to toughen up and never show vulnerability (脆弱) that restricts men from friendships can lead them to loneliness, violence and anger. “We consider relationships as feminine.” Sileo said. “If that’s a feminine (女性特有的) thing, it becomes a weakness or inability if men admit to needing friendships. ”

Thus, men seeking closeness might turn to those they see as better at building relationships and feel comfortable exploring their vulnerability with: the women in their lives and their romantic partners, according to Sileo’s research. It may seem like a good solution, but putting everything on a romantic partner can hurt a relationship, whether it is going to a female partner exclusively for emotional support or depending on her to cultivate friendships and get-together for holidays and weekends. It is necessary to have various people to go to for support for different perspectives. “Men need to know it’s not just a woman thing.” she said. “They need to know that men can do it, too. ”

We live in a culture that conflicts with our nature. If we raise children to go against their nature, we shouldn’t be surprised if some of those children grow up to struggle. Research has shown expression of negative emotions improved men’s emotional well-being, increased feelings of being understood and resulted in less reported loneliness. So just as many men make a great effort to eat right, exercise, succeed in their careers and raise children, men should prioritize developing friendships as well.

5 . Friendship is above reason, for, though you find virtues (美德) in a friend, he has been your friend before you find them. It is a gift that we offer because we must; to give it as the reward of virtue would be to set a price upon it, and those who do that have no friendship to give. If you choose your friends on the grounds that you are virtuous and want virtuous company, you are no nearer to true friendship than if you choose them for commercial reasons. Besides, who are you that you should be setting a price upon your friendship? It is enough for any man that he has the power of making friends, and he must leave it to that power to determine who his friends shall be. For, though you may choose the virtuous to be your friends, they may not choose you. It comes, like sleep, when you are not thinking about it; and you should be grateful, without any misgiving, when it comes.

So no man who knows what friendship is will give up a friend because he turns out to be disreputable (声名狼藉的). His only reason for giving up a friend is that he has stopped caring for him; and, when that happens, he should blame himself for this poverty (缺乏) of affection, not the friend for having proved unworthy.

We have our judgments and our punishments as part of the political mechanism that is forced upon us so that we may continue to live; but friendship is not friendship at all unless it teaches us that these are not part of our real life. It is only in the warmth of friendship that we see how cold a thing it is to judge and how stupid to take a pleasure in judging; for we recognize this warmth as a positive good, a richness in our natures, while the coldness that sets us judging is a poverty.

There are men who cannot be friends except when they are under an illusion (幻觉) that their friends are perfect, and when the illusion passes there is an end of their friendship. But true friendship has no illusions, for it reaches to that part of a man’s nature that is beyond his imperfections. A man is your friend, not because of his superiorities (优越), but because there is something open from your nature to his, a way that is closed between you and most men.

6 . There was once a boy called Joseph Webb who always loved to show off how many friends he had at school. One day his ________ said to him, "Joseph, I bet(打赌) you a big bag of popcorn that you don't have as many friends as you think. I'm sure many of them are nothing more than companions."

Joseph ________ the bet at once. However, he wasn't sure how to test whether his schoolmates were real friends or not, so he asked his grandfather. The old man answered, "Wait a minute." Then he left and ________ soon as if carrying something in his hands, but Joseph could see nothing there.

"Take it. It's a very________ chair because it's invisible(看不见). It's rather ________ to sit on, but if you take it to school and ________ to sit on it, you'll activate(激活) its ________ and it'll be able to tell who your real friends are."

Joseph, brave and determined, set off for ________ with the strange and invisible chair. At break time he asked everyone to form a ________, and he put himself in the middle, with his chair. Having difficulty seeing it, Joseph tried to sit on it but he ________ the seat and fell straight onto his backside. Everyone around him had a pretty good laugh.

"Wait! Let me try again," Joseph said. But again, he missed the seat, ________ more surprised looks and a few catcalls(尖叫，喝倒彩). Joseph didn't ________ and kept trying to sit on the magic chair. But he kept falling to the ground…until, suddenly he tried again but didn't ________. Looking around, Joseph saw three of his best friends holding him up. ________, many others he had thought of as friends had done nothing but made fun of him.

And there, the show came to an end. Joseph understood that true friends were those who care for him, and not just the________ that happened to be passing by. And someone who took joy in his misfortunes(不幸) was even less of a friend.

Robert and Henry were two friends in the same class. They always played together and went home together. One day Robert and Henry were going home from school. When they turned around a corner, Robert cried out, “A fight! Let’s go and see!”

“No,” said Henry. “Let us go quietly home and not meddle in (插手) this quarrel. We have nothing to do with (与……没有关系) it and may get into trouble.

“You are a coward (胆小鬼), and afraid to go,” said Robert, and off he ran. Henry went straight home, and in the afternoon went to school as usual.

Late, Robert told all the boys that Henry was a coward, and they laughed at him. From then on, they looked down upon (瞧不起) Henry and didn’t want to play with him together.

Henry was sad but he wasn’t angry with Robert. He just ignored (不理睬) the other boys’ laughter and continued to go to school and study as well. However, Robert didn’t invite Henry to go home with him any more. He had some other boys and they also said Henry was a coward. Every day after school, they didn’t go home directly but went to the river or somewhere to play games and had a lot of fun.

A few days later, Robert was bathing with his new friends in a river, and got out of his depth (深度). He struggled, and screamed (尖叫) for help, but all in vain (徒劳). The other boys got out of the water as fast as they could, and they did not even try to help him.

Robert was fast sinking (下沉).

Thus, Robert’s life was saved (救).

I am writing to

Yours,

Li Hua