1 . What do you do when you receive an invitation to an event that you do not want to attend or that you cannot attend due to your busy schedule? In that case, we simply can’t act on everything our heart feels.     1     Here are some right ways to decline (拒绝) an invitation without hurting others’ feelings.

Respond in a timely manner.

    2     It’s OK to put off responding if you’re unsure at first, but give yourself a deadline to figure it out — and stick to it. Always respond to invitations in a timely manner.

    3    

It’s OK to say you’re sorry that you can’t make an event, but it’s better to redefine it as a positive. Rather than apologizing, say how happy you are that they invited you and that while you can’t make it this time, you look forward to getting together with them in the future.

Don’t say “maybe”.

Procrastinating (拖延) by saying “maybe” usually means it’s a no.     4     Saying “maybe” is a way of making yourself feel better, but it leaves the other person hanging, which is unkind.

Don’t try to control the other person’s feelings.

There’s the assumption that we can decline without hurting anyone else’s feelings, but we can’t ensure the other person’s experience. They may feel sad or disappointed when you decline,. but that’s OK.     5    

2 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

3 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.     1     It gives you an assurance that you have people close by looking out for you. Here are easily applicable tips on creating stronger neighbor relationships.

The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.     2     It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune and opting for a potted plant or baked biscuits will do. These actions present excellent opportunities to connect with them.

Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.     3     When you borrow anything, return it in due time. If you accidentally break their things, replace them without being asked to.

    4     You could offer to babysit your neighbors’ kids, help with snow removals or even keep an eye on their home when they’re away. Such acts of reaching out to your neighbors make for stronger relationships.

As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.     5    

4 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

5 . Being a social butterfly just might change your brain: In people with a large network of friends and excellent social skills, certain brain regions are bigger and _______ connected than in people with fewer friends, a new study finds.

The research suggests a _______ between social interactions and brain structure. “We’re interested in how your brain is able to allow you to _______ the right way in complex social environments,” Mary Ann Noonan said, a neuroscientist (神经学家) at Oxford University. Studies in monkeys have shown that brain areas involved in face processing and in predicting the _______ of others are larger in animals living in large social groups than in ones living in smaller groups.

To investigate these brain _______ in humans, Noonan and her colleagues found 18 participants for a structural brain-imaging study. They asked people how many _______ they had experienced in the past month, in order to determine the size of their social networks. As was the case in monkeys, some brain areas were _______ and better connected in people with larger social networks. “These different brain regions are all singing _______ songs,” Noonan said. “ _______ areas are all singing the same song, and when they’re connected better, they’re singing more harmoniously with each other.”

The researchers also tested whether the size of a person’s social network was connected with ________ in white-matter pathways, the nerve fibers (纤维) that connect different brain regions. ________ , they found that white-matter pathways were better connected in people with bigger social networks. “The nerves were more like a Los Angeles freeway than a ________ road,” Noonan said.

The researchers couldn’t say whether social interaction ________ these changes in brain structure and connectivity, or whether the brain determined how social someone was. In the case of the monkeys, the researchers asked and wrote down the size of the animals’ social network, so they ________ that social-group size was causing the brain differences. It can be inferred that a similar process takes place in human brains, but to prove the ________ , long-term studies are needed, Noonan told Live Science.

8 . How to Deal with a Colleague who Keeps Challenging Your Views

It can be difficult to develop an environment of teamwork when you continually run up against a colleague who challenges your views.     1    . This will ensure you respect one another, even when you disagree.

If a co-worker habitually challenges your ideas in a group discussion in a confrontational manner, don’t engage him or get into an argument. Pause for a moment, look the colleague in the eye.     2    . This will force the co-worker to either repeat his comment in front of everyone with the same level of confrontation, or soften his approach.

There’s a time and place for everything, including professional disagreements. If a colleague interrupts you or talks over you in an effort to contradict your point or insert (插入) his own opinion, gently remind him that you still have the floor. If the colleague is challenging something you say before you have a chance to address the point, note that as well.

    4    . Constructive debate and brainstorming can strengthen the overall performance of the entire team. Speak to your colleague at a time when you are emotionally stable. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to a respectful and civil way to discuss matters when it’s clear there’s no one ‘right’ answer?”

If a particular colleague has a long history of disagreeing with you, you might be able to anticipate his arguments or objections. Prepare rebuttals to address anything your colleague might throw at you.     5    . It also strengthens your points without being confrontational, and allows you to give him credit for his constructive comments when necessary.

10 . Do you have a hard time saying“no”? If “yes” rules your life and “no” doesn’t exist, here are some tips for you to say “no” without feeling bad.

If you’re just starting out, you don’t have to jump straight to “no”.     1     . But saying later is much easier. Make your default (预设) response to any request with “Let me get back to you later.”Don’t rely on your “laters” forever, because too many would make you unreliable in the long run.

Sometimes, invites or requests happen naturally and in person, requiring an answer immediately.     2    . If you’re afraid of coming off as robotic or unnatural, it helps to rehearse your lines in front of a mirror.

Offering an excuse may seem polite to decline a request, but it sets you up for an awkward situation. No matter what excuse you offer, people who are determined to get you to say “yes” will come up with a way to reel (卷轴) you in.    4    . If you say “no” to them, you can still soften the blow by being polite and appreciative.

If the person asking you for something is someone who you want to maintain a positive relationship with, you can decrease the impact of your “no” by offering an alternative.     5    . Hence, the person won’t feel upset and you don’t feel guilty for your“no”, either. It is a win-win situation!