1 . We often think about relationships on a scale from positive to negative. We are drawn to loving family members, caring classmates and supportive mentors. We do our best to avoid the cruel uncle, the playground bully and the jerk boss.
But the most toxic relationships aren’t the purely negative ones. They’re the ones that are a mix of positive and negative. We often call them frenemies, supposed friends who sometimes help you and sometimes hurt you. But ifs not just friends. It’s the in-laws who volunteer to watch your kids but belittle your parenting. The manager who praises your work but denies you a promotion.
Everyone knows how relationships like that can tie your stomach into a knot. But groundbreaking research led by the psychologists Bert Uchino and Julianne Holt-Lunstad shows that ambivalent (矛盾情绪的) relationships can be damaging to your health — even more than purely negative relationships.
I had assumed that with a neighbor or a colleague, having some positive interactions was better than all negative interactions. But being cheered on by the same person who cuts you down doesn’t reduce the bad feelings; it increases them. And it’s not just in your head: It leaves a trace in your heart and your blood.
Even a single ambivalent interaction can cause harm. In one experiment, people gave impromptu speeches on controversial topics in front of a friend who offered feedback. The researchers had randomly assigned the friend to give ambivalent or negative comments. Receiving mixed feedback caused higher blood pressure than pure criticism. “I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine” proved to be more distressing than “I totally disagree with everything you’ve said.”
The evidence that ambivalent relationships can be bad for us is strong, but the reasons can be harder to read — just like the relationships themselves.
The most intuitive reason is that ambivalent relationships are unpredictable. With a clear enemy, you put up a shield when you cross paths. With a frenemy, you never know whether Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde is going to show up. Feeling unsure can disrupt the body’s calming system and activate a fight-or-flight response. It’s unsettling to hope for a hug while also preparing for a likely quarrel.
Another factor is that unpleasant interactions are more painful in an ambivalent relationship. It’s more upsetting to be let down by people you like sometimes than by people you dislike all the time. When someone stabs you in the back, it stings more if he’s been friendly to your face.
1. Which of the following can be counted as a frenemy?| A．Your neighbour’s kid who advises you to study hard but idles away his own time. |
| B．Your classmate who admires your diligence at first, but doubts your intelligence later. |
| C．Your mother’s friend who encourages you to spend more time on homework but less on smart phones. |
| D．Your father’s colleague who proposes you to do a moderate amount of homework while ensuring adequate sleep. |
| A．Ambivalent relationships have a permanent effect on your well-being. |
| B．The common cause for high blood pressure is ambivalent relationship. |
| C．Ambivalent interactions will be more painful if it is done consciously. |
| D．The negative impact of ambivalent interactions is direct and strong. |
| A．devalue | B．appreciate | C．respect | D．abuse |
| A．Some Negative Relationships Are Bad for Your Health |
| B．Your Most Ambivalent Relationships Are the Most Toxic |
| C．The Reasons for Ambivalent Relationships Are Unpredictable |
| D．Some Positive Relationships Are Better than All Negative Ones |
2 . As our lives become more closely connected with the digital age, it’s more important than ever to keep the spark of human connections, a key part of which is making small talk.
The cornerstone of effective small talk lies in developing genuine interest. Genuine interest is about actively seeking to understand the other person, valuing their perspectives and appreciating the uniqueness they bring to the conversation.
Small talk extends beyond spoken words; it includes the art of observation. As you engage in conversation, pay attention to the speaker’s body language, facial expressions and tone of voice.
Actually listening and connecting with someone is essential for a conversation. By providing your undivided attention, you convey respect and interest in what the other person has to say.
At the heart of successful small talk lies the authenticity (真实性) of your engagement. Authenticity fosters a sense of trust and connection, making the conversation more meaningful and memorable. Avoid the temptation to project an image or use scripted responses.
| A．Instead, let your true self shine through. |
| B．Some accessible topics are great for small talk. |
| C．Active listening involves fully engaging with the speaker. |
| D．Focus on understanding their viewpoints beyond simply hearing words. |
| E．The signals provide valuable insights into their emotions and intentions. |
| F．Small talk may be a gateway to building rich and meaningful relationships. |
| G．By expressing authentic curiosity, you make the other person feel seen and heard. |
3 . When you are communicating, you spend nearly 60% of your time listening to other people, but most people only remember 25% of what they hear.
Do you find yourself looking at your phone or following a TV show during a conversation with a family member or a friend? These little distractions can have much bigger consequences than you might think and you should try to limit them completely. When you are listening to someone, put everything else aside and give your full attention to the person.
Empathize with the person
When you are listening to another person, try to think what they might be feeling or going through at that very moment. Empathy towards other people can be improved by imagining yourself in different situations, as well as by learning more about people and different cultures.
Ask more questions
Being a good listener doesn’t just mean that you sit quietly and let the other person speak, you also need to ask meaningful questions. Try to find an answer to questions “why” and “what”.
Train your emotional intelligence
The way you are able to manage your own emotions influences your ability to listen to other people.
| A．Be more open |
| B．Be more present |
| C．The good news is that you can practice it. |
| D．Don’t hurry or pressure the person into saying anything. |
| E．So how can you listen more and become the person people want to talk to? |
| F．Don’t start listening to someone with a predicted idea of what the person should do or say. |
| G．Don’t be afraid to ask for a clarification because misunderstandings can harm the conversation. |
4 . Feel exhausted after a party? Rather see one close friend than a group of acquaintances? Enjoy your own company? In our world, that makes you an introvert (内向的人). However, there’s another possible explanation — vertical attachment. If you are closer to your parents and family members than to your peers, you are vertically attached, which means you rely more on family for comfort.
If you are closer to your peers, then you are peer attached. We live in a peer-oriented world. We believe that having lots of friends means that we are well-adjusted. We put our kids in playgroups and daycare for peer interaction. We expect teenagers to want to hang out with their friends, thinking it is the natural way of things.
Result? Generations often feel worlds apart. We use different language, dress, and technology apps. Even if multiple generations are invited to the same party, the kids go to the basement playroom while the parents stay upstairs. Vertically-attached individuals can feel out of place in this context, demonstrating the traces of introversion. Will they be exhausted after a party with same-aged acquaintances? Absolutely. Would they rather spend time with one close friend? Sure. Do they enjoy alone time? Yes, more than they enjoy time fitting in with peers.
It’s normal that many people need alone time to recharge. However, vertically-attached people often label themselves as introverted. They feel insecure that others have more friends and live richer lives. They claim that their family attachments arise from their loved ones being stuck with them.
If you feel these insecurities, know that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not missing out on anything. Your attachment style is just different from the culture where you live. Have confidence in the strength of the relationships you have, whether it is with a mom who feels more like a best friend, or a grandmother with whom you can share anything. They are meaningful, enriching relationships, even if they look different from the cultural norm.
1. Who is vertically attached according to the text?| A．Tom, who feels at ease with his teachers. |
| B．Lily, who enjoys film time alone at weekends. |
| C．Jim, who often turns to her dad when things are hard. |
| D．Marry, who feels burnt out after a family get-together. |
| A．Younger generations should be self-disciplined. |
| B．Being sociable is a desired quality for their children. |
| C．Their children need more friends than they themselves do. |
| D．Different generations should have different circles of acquaintances. |
| A．Be that as it may, just leave it as it is. |
| B．Never underestimate your inner power. |
| C．Hang out more with friends and adjust to it. |
| D．Treat others the way you want to be treated. |
| A．Sympathetic. | B．Critical. | C．Objective. | D．Indifferent. |
5 . All relationships require work, though it may not always feel like work.
Listen to others. The most important skill in communication is the ability to listen to others. Rather than doing all the talking, take time to stop and hear what others have to say.
Be polite and positive. When you are the one speaking, do it in a way that considers others’ feelings and leaves a positive impact. Think about what you want to say before you say it.
Be honest and sincere. Another communication skill is to make sure you speak with honesty and sincerity.
| A．Keep an open mind. |
| B．Look for common ground. |
| C．Avoid interrupting other people. |
| D．Ask questions that help you understand them more deeply. |
| E．Don’t be afraid to apologize if you say something unintended. |
| F．You will build relationships with others when you tell them the truth. |
| G．That could mean calling a friend, or getting together with your family for the holidays. |
6 . What if your next job is just a weak tie away? A recent study, conducted by a team from Stanford University and LinkedIn, revealed that weaker social connections have a greater beneficial effect on job mobility (流动性) than stronger ties. Stanford Professor Erik Bryson suggests a practical outcome of this study is to encourage job seekers to expand their reach beyond immediate friends and colleagues. Weak ties, he explains, often provide more unique, beneficial information and connections.
The advantage of weak ties theory is based on the idea that weak ties allow distant group of people to access novel information that can lead to new opportunities and innovation. Weak ties are more likely to introduce new job information to a wider social network.
The research team conducted a five-year experimental study with LinkedIn, involving 20 million global participants and 600,000 new jobs created. Using LinkedIn’s “People You May Know” (PYMK) algorithm (算法), the researchers tested the weak tie theory’s impact on the job market. The team randomly assigned LinkedIn users to receive either more weak or strong tie recommendations from the PYMK algorithm, then tracked the labor mobility of these groups over five years.
Their findings confirm that weaker ties enhance job mobility. Besides, the researchers looked at differences across industries and found that adding weak ties creates significantly more job opportunities in digital and high-tech industries. “This may reflect the fact that there is more rapid change and need for novel information and connections in those industries,” Bryson said.
He points out that the traditional methods used by policymakers to analyze labor markets are quickly becoming outdated. “They need to recognize that the labor market, like all aspects of the economy, is being digitized,” Bryson said. “It is important that we understand how the algorithms used by digital platforms like LinkedIn impact the labor market.”
1. According to paragraph 1, what should job seekers do?| A．Expand network to include weak ties. | B．Limit the search to their current industry. |
| C．Strengthen connections with close friends. | D．Rely on strong connections for opportunities. |
| A．By carrying out on line surveys. | B．By interviewing LinkedIn employers. |
| C．By tracking user data and job mobility. | D．By conducting a large-scale job fair. |
| A．They are fast-paced and value novelty. | B．They cause weak ties among employees. |
| C．Strong ties are the main source of mobility. | D．Weak ties do not contribute to job mobility. |
| A．Prioritize traditional methods only. | B．Ignore the impact of digital platforms. |
| C．Recognize the influence of digitization. | D．Understand the rules on digital platforms. |
7 . Resolving (解决) Conflict in Friendships
Conflict is surely a common problem in life and friendships.
Resolve it the day it happens. One rule my parents follow in their marriage is that they don’t go to bed angry with each other. They always attempt to resolve things the day it happens so that in the morning, it’s a fresh start with no past grudge (怨恨). I’ve found I need a short cool down period so that I don’t act in anger. For some, counting to one hundred before saying anything may be an option.
Initiate resolution.
Most importantly, be loving in what you do. Try to focus on peacefully resolving the disagreement. It is not a most pleasant task to resolve conflict in any friendship.
| A．Focus on the bigger picture. |
| B．Try to see the other person’s perspective. |
| C．Whatever you do, don’t let things ride for too long. |
| D．Be the first person in a fight to say sorry for your part. |
| E．Offering a listening ear shows you value the friendship. |
| F．Many shallow friendships end up being ruined after an argument. |
| G．However, it is worth the efforts because it results in a deeper friendship. |
8 . Young children are always watching-including when people swap spit through actions like food sharing. Such behavior helps babies infer who is in close relationships with one another, a study suggests.
Typically, people are more likely to engage in activities that can lead to an exchange of saliva (唾液), such as kissing or sharing an ice cream, with family members or close friends than with an acquaintance. So saliva sharing can be a marker of “thick relationships, “ or people with strong attachments, says MIT developmental psychologist Ashley Thomas.
To see if young children might use saliva sharing as a social cue for close bonds, Thomas and colleagues ran experiments of people engaging with puppets(木偶). When shown a puppet seemingly crying, kids of 8 months old were more likely to look at an adult who had previously shared saliva with the puppet than an adult who hadn’t, the team reports.
Scientists, of course, can’t know exactly babies’ thought. But tracking where they look offers hints. The team used where the kids looked first when a puppet showed distress as an indicator of their understanding of the relationship.
In some experiments, the team showed 8- to 10-month-olds or 16- to 18-month-olds videos of a woman sharing an orange slice with a puppet. A second video depicted another woman and the puppet playing with a ball. During a final video, which showed the puppet crying while seated between the two women, the kids’ eyes were more often drawn to the woman who had shared the orange.
The team saw similar results in another experiment. One woman stuck her finger in her mouth and then in one puppet’s mouth to share saliva. For the other, she touched only her forehead and then the puppet’s forehead. After the woman showed distress, kids spent more time looking at the puppet that had seemingly swapped saliva.
It’s unclear how the findings relate to children’s daily lives. Future studies could switch out actresses for family members to better understand the role saliva may play in distinguishing relationships. Other cues, such as hugging, may also play a role, Thomas says.
1. What is the main finding of the study?| A．Saliva-sharing behavior is a cultural phenomenon. |
| B．Saliva-sharing is an indicator of trust between individuals. |
| C．Saliva-sharing can help children distinguish close relationship. |
| D．Children can understand relationships through saliva-sharing behavior. |
| A．It is a natural behavior for young children. |
| B．It can be an indicator of strong attachments between people. |
| C．It is a cultural behavior young children learn from their parents. |
| D．It is a result of the development of young children’s social skills. |
| A．Comparison. | B．Reference. | C．Inference. | D．Description. |
| A．The limitations of the current study. |
| B．The importance of saliva in social relationships. |
| C．The role of other cues in distinguishing relationships. |
| D．Saliva sharing can affect children’s social development. |
9 . We’ve all had things to apologize for. Whether on the playground or at the office, intentionally or not, we’ve hurt people. Research shows that apologies benefit us in many ways, which can reduce stress and ease heart rates, as well as boosting relationship well being and cooperation.
Like so many other habits that are good for us, apologies must overcome our own mental barriers. When people know they’ve made a mistake and hurt somebody, they may still remain silent in the face of their wrong doings.
First, the offender (冒犯者) may not be concerned with the relationship, especially if they have little empathy for the other person. The second barrier is the perceived threat to one’s self-image. Some people fear that apologizing will be both humbling and prove that they aren’t a good, moral person.
While this too is a possibility, in most cases the opposite is true, because people have a tendency to overestimate the negative consequences of apologizing and underestimate the benefits of apologizing. But once we’ve actually apologized, we both feel better, and it can really have a positive impact.
| A．Have you ever said sorry to somebody? |
| B．But then why are apologies so difficult? |
| C．A true apology is a gift to another person. |
| D．In some cases, it may take time for the person to forgive and forget. |
| E．Finally, people may simply underestimate the effectiveness of their apology. |
| F．But even if you make the apology, don’t think the conflict is over automatically. |
| G．According to the researchers, there are three mental barriers to explain this silence. |
10 . How to Deal with Nosy People
They can come in the form of friends, relatives or strangers. The thing about nosy people is that they don’t understand personal space. Things can get confusing when your family members or friends become nosy. You don’t want to hurt them, but you may not want to share everything, either.
Respond. Do not react.
When someone starts asking personal questions one after the other, you might get confused as to why he or she is asking all those questions and what you should do. This confusion can then turn into discomfort. When you are in this situation, remind yourself to slow down.
Answer them reasonably without revealing too much.
One great strategy is to give a satisfactory answer without giving away too many details. You will satisfy their curiosity and maintain your personal boundaries at the same time.
Sometimes, you just don’t feel like answering the other person’s questions. It could be because they have no business knowing the details or because the question annoys you. So, if someone asks you a personal question, you could politely decline to answer.
Show a lack of enthusiasm.
| A．Give detailed answers. |
| B．Politely decline to answer. |
| C．There is no need to feel rushed at all! |
| D．Your body language tells a lot about you. |
| E．Here are tips on how you can deal with nosy people. |
| F．Use this strategy when the other person is a loved one. |
| G．It shows them you are not interested in the conversation. |
