1 . We’ve all been there: in a lift, in line at the bank or on an airplane, surrounded by people who are, like us, deeply focused on their smartphones or, worse, struggling with the uncomfortable silence.
What’s the problem? It’s possible that we all have compromised conversational intelligence. It’s more likely that none of us start a conversation because it’s awkward and challenging, or we think it’s annoying and unnecessary. But the next time you find yourself among strangers, consider that small talk is worth the trouble. Experts say it’s an invaluable social practice that results in big benefits.
Dismissing small talk as unimportant is easy, but we can’t forget that deep relationships wouldn’t
even exist if it weren’t for casual conversation. Small talk is the grease(润滑剂) for social communication, says Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. "Almost every great love story and each big business deal begins with small talk," he explains. "The key to successful small talk is learning how to connect with others, not just communicate with them."
In a 2014 study, Elizabeth Dunn, associate professor of psychology at UBC, invited people on their way into a coffee shop. One group was asked to seek out an interaction(互动) with its waiter; the other, to speak only when necessary. The results showed that those who chatted with their server reported significantly higher positive feelings and a better coffee shop experience. "It’s not that talking to the waiter is better than talking to your husband," says Dunn. "But interactions with peripheral(边缘的) members of our social network matter for our well-being also."
Dunn believes that people who reach out to strangers feel a significantly greater sense of belonging, a bond with others. Carducci believes developing such a sense of belonging starts with small talk. "Small talk is the basis of good manners," he says.
1. What phenomenon is described in the first paragraph?A.Addiction to smartphones. |
B.Inappropriate behaviours in public places. |
C.Absence of communication between strangers. |
D.Impatience with slow service. |
A.Showing good manners. | B.Relating to other people. |
C.Focusing on a topic. | D.Making business deals. |
A.It improves family relationships. | B.It raises people’s confidence. |
C.It matters as much as a formal talk. | D.It makes people feel good. |
A.Conversation Counts | B.Ways of Making Small Talk |
C.Benefits of Small Talk | D.Uncomfortable Silence |
2 . The word listen, as is shown in Longman Dictionary, means paying attention to what someone is saying or to a sound that you can hear. Listening is definitely an important skill in communication. “When people talk, listen completely.” Those words of Ernest Hemingway might be a pretty good guiding principle for many managers. After all, people like being listened to.
Some firms use a technique known as a “listening circle”. In such a circle, only one person can talk about the issues they face at a time and there is no interruption. A study cited in the Harvard Business Review found that employees who had taken part in a listening circle subsequently suffered less social anxiety and had fewer worries about work-related matters than those who did not.
Listening has been critical to the career of Richard Mullender, who was a hostage (人质) negotiator, dealing with everything from suicide interventions to international kidnaps (绑架). He defines listening as “the identification, selection and interpretation of the key words”. It is crucial to all effective communication.
Plenty of people think that good listening is about nodding your head or keeping eye contact. But that is not really listening, Mr Mullender argues. A good listener is always looking for facts, emotions and indications of the other person’s values. Another important point to bear in mind is that, when you talk, you are not listening. The listener’s focus should be on analysis.
Of course, a listener needs to speak occasionally. One approach is to make an assessment of what the other person is telling you and then check it with them. For example, you can check with the other person by saying “It seems to me that what you want is…”. That gives the other party a sense that they are being understood. The fundamental aim is to build up a relationship so the other person likes you and trusts you, Mr Mullender says.
1. What can we learn about a “listening circle”?A.A listening circle focuses on personal issues. |
B.In a listening circle, a speaker won’t be interrupted. |
C.A listening circle increases worries about work-related matters. |
D.Employees get rid of social anxiety by taking part in a listening circle. |
A.Critical. | B.Opposed. | C.Cautious. | D.Favorable. |
A.To be liked and trusted by the other person. |
B.To check our assessments with the other person. |
C.To make assessments of what the other person is saying. |
D.To have a sense of being understood by the other person. |
A.The Analysis of a Listening Circle |
B.The Tricks of Successful Listening |
C.The Misunderstanding of Listening |
D.The Necessity of Effective Listening |
3 . Saying farewell to someone you love, even for a night, can be difficult, much less saying goodbye for a lifetime or forever in death. Juliet bid Romeo adieu (再见) for the evening with the words, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Sweet sorrow is an oxymoron. But this seeming contradiction is true in the context of relationships.
Relationships are based on feelings, emotions, and passion. Deep friendships and loving relationships are measured by the level of emotional attachment. Emotions intensify over time. People spend time with the people they like. The more one person likes another person, the closer the relationship becomes. Each person in the relationship receives an emotional benefit from knowing the other person.
Saying goodbye means separating from the people who make up a significant part of your emotional identity. Separation, even a temporary absence, from the people you have a deep emotional connection with can cause sorrow because you will no longer be able to enjoy their company.
The sweet side of saying goodbye is the emotional fulfillment of being in a close relationship. The time spent together is emotionally rewarding, especially if that person is seen as a soulmate. Humans are social beings. We seek the love and comfort of other people. Loneliness devastates the human condition and leads to sadness. Sad people will do anything they can to find fulfilling relationships. Likewise, happy people will do anything they can to maintain or enhance relationships. Herein lies the essential point of the emotional problem.
The more intense relationships become, the more devastating the emotional loss that is felt upon separation. The exhilaration of relationships cannot be truly measured without experiencing the overwhelming loss of a deep emotional connection.
Enjoy the company of the person you are with as long as you can; knowing the pain you will feel at the end of the relationship is the true measure of the relationship. If it doesn’t hurt to say goodbye, perhaps it wasn’t worth saying hello.
1. Which of the word group can create the same effect as “sweet sorrow”?A.icy cold | B.clicking sound | C.deafening silence | D.endless speech |
A.Saying goodbye is unavoidable in our daily life. |
B.The companion of close friends can lessen sorrow. |
C.A person’s identity is connected with relationship. |
D.Separation is the sorrowful part of saying goodbye. |
A.Making more communication with others. |
B.Building deep emotional connections with others. |
C.Comforting friends with love and intense feelings. |
D.Being a thoughtful person by standing in others’ shoes. |
A.Sweet sorrow is very common in close relationships. |
B.The pain of separation is the measure of relationships. |
C.Human beings are eager to get emotional fulfillment. |
D.Happiness is meaningless without sadness to compare it. |
4 . In conversations with strangers, people commonly tend to think they should speak less than half the conversation time to be likable. But we’ve discovered this idea is wrong. Our data shows that people tend to think they should speak about 45% of the time to be likable in a one-on-one conversation with someone new. However, it appears speaking up a bit more is actually a better strategy.
In our research, we randomly assigned people to speak for 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% of the time in a conversation with someone new. We found that the more they spoke, the more they were liked by their new partners. This was only one study with 116 participants, but the outcome is supported by other researchers’ findings. For example, a previous study randomly assigned one in a pair to take on the role of “speaker” and the other to take on the role of “listener. ” After engaging in 12-minute interactions, listeners liked speakers more than speakers liked listeners because listeners felt more similar to speakers than speakers did to listeners. This outcome suggests the reason people prefer those who speak up: Learning more about a new partner can make you feel like you have more in common with him or her.
Further, we assigned people to speak for up to 70% and even 90% of the time. The result shows it is not an ideal strategy. Our research does not suggest people hold down a conversational partner but rather that they feel comfortable speaking up more than they usually might.
Research like ours can help people gain a ‘more reasonable understanding of social interactions with new people and become more confident about how to make a good first impression. It has the obvious benefit of allowing us to carefully control speaking time. However, it does not reflect more natural conversations. Future research should figure out whether our findings generalize to more natural interactions.
1. What is the common belief concerning conversations with strangers?A.Speaking a little less is preferred. |
B.Speaking half the time is the best. |
C.Listeners are more likable than speakers. |
D.Listeners fail to control the conversations. |
A.By analyzing speaking habits. |
B.By making comparisons. |
C.By listing examples. |
D.By collecting data. |
A.The conversation time is limited. |
B.Further study is hard to continue. |
C.The findings are less widely appliable. |
D.Interactions with strangers are missing. |
A.Attending a family gathering. |
B.Partying with your friends. |
C.Meeting a new teacher. |
D.Making a public speech. |
5 . Around the globe, about 1 in 4 adults says they’re lonely. And the consequences of long-term social disconnection can be everything from an increased risk of heart attacks to dementia (痴呆). The following offers a road map to make connections.
Be curious. It’s easier to connect with people if you have shared interests or experiences, so start paying attention to what’s in your mind. What motivates you? What excites you?
Make something. When experts advise making something, people will say, “Well, I’m not Picasso. I don’t know how to do a fancy painting. ” Of course, you’re not!
Find a group that matches your interests. Whether it’s volunteering fora cause or playing frisbee (飞盘), try to find others who share your interests. There’s even an online group that has a quirky shared interest: a fascination with brown bears in Alaska, which led to Fat Bear Week. In interactions with others, you can begin to reveal yourself and share the unique things that matter to you.
Other people’s loneliness matters too.
A.Pour out your hard feelings. |
B.Loneliness can be infectious. |
C.Take a risk by having conversations. |
D.You should tolerate the risk of being lonely. |
E.But the opportunities for creative expression are endless. |
F.Knowing yourself can be a first step to bonding with others. |
G.Then, other people recognize that and share their story in return. |
6 . One person’s happiness causes a chain reaction that benefits not only their friends, but their friends’ friends, and their friends’ friends’ friends. The effect lasts for up to one year. The opposite, interestingly, is not the case: Sadness does not spread through social networks as strongly as happiness. Happiness appears to love company more so than misery.
Focusing on 4,739 individuals, Christakis and Fowler, who co-authored this study, observed more than 50,000 social and family ties and analyzed the spread of happiness throughout this group. The researchers found that when an individual becomes happy, a friend living within a mile experiences a 25 percent increased chance of becoming happy. A co-resident spouse (配偶) experiences an 8 percent increased chance, siblings (兄弟姐妹) living within one mile have a 14 percent increased chance, and for next-door neighbors, 34 percent. But the real surprise came with indirect relationships. Again, while an individual becoming happy increases his friend’s chances, a friend of that friend experiences a nearly 10 percent chance of increased happiness, and a friend of that friend has a 5.6 percent increased chance.
The researchers also found that, contrary to what your parents taught you, popularity does lead to happiness. People in the center of their network groups are the most likely people to become happy, and then there are chances that increase to the extent that the people surrounding them also have lots of friends. However, becoming happy does not help migrate a person from the network fringe (外围) to the center. Happiness spreads through the network without changing its structure.
“Imagine a bird’s eye view of a backyard party,” Fowler explains. “You’ll see people in groups at the center, and others on the fringe. The happiest people tend to be the ones in the center. But someone on the fringe who suddenly becomes happy, say through a particular exchange, doesn’t suddenly move into the center of the group. He simply stays where he is—only now he has a far more satisfying sense of well-being.”
Next time, if you’re happy and you know it, thank your friends—and their friends. And while you’re at it, their friends’ friends. But if you’re sad, hold the blame.
1. Who will be more likely to become happy as a man is happy according to the research?A.His wife. | B.His next-door neighbors. |
C.His brothers and sisters. | D.A friend of his friend. |
A.To explain a rule. | B.To clarify a concept. |
C.To describe a fact. | D.To make a prediction. |
A.Happiness changes social structures. |
B.A social network is a double-edged sword. |
C.Happiness goes hand in hand with sadness. |
D.Happiness spreads through social networks. |
A.Friends’ friends may bring you happiness. |
B.Your friends are to blame for your sadness. |
C.Your friends decide whether you are happy. |
D.The happiest friends at party are on the fringe. |
7 . Go on a 15-minute Tour
Didn’t someone say that life is about the journey, not the destination?
To commit some time to the journey, take some time to walk around where you work and notice your surroundings.
After your first observation tour, select a different day to tour your workspace for moods. Other people’s moods can provide you with critical clues about how things are going.
Schedule 15 minutes to tour your workplace twice a week for a month and be sure to avoid making too many assumptions or conclusions — just simply observe.
A.You’ll be amazed at what you see along the way. |
B.Spare a little time to closely monitor each person’s progress. |
C.Notice what people may be feeling when you drop by to talk briefly. |
D.During any workday, take just 15 minutes to observe neglected things. |
E.You generally love the breathtaking landscape and people’s performances. |
F.Going on a short tour will help you get in tune with other people and their emotions. |
G.To become socially aware, remember to enjoy the journey and notice people along the way. |
8 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.
The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.
Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.
As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.
A.Remember every small gesture counts. |
B.A crisis is a test of communication skills. |
C.It can actually boost your mood in the long run. |
D.Slipping it in their mailbox further solidifies friendship. |
E.It’s essential to ensure you maintain decent relationships with them. |
F.Alternatively, you can give them a gift while making yourself known to them. |
G.Only by establishing healthy boundaries will you achieve peaceful coexistence. |
9 . There was a time when I was very concerned about what other people thought of me, especially when I was misunderstood and labeled incorrectly.
·Understand you can’t control others. The reality is that you cannot control what another person thinks of you. What most people don’t understand is that we often form opinions of others based on associations we had in the past.
·Practice daily self-love and acceptance. Your situation may come from a concept that we are not as worthy as another person and our needs are not as important as theirs.
·Live a life that pleases you. Constant worry about what others think of you must create considerable stress and will impact your relationships, your health, and your peace of mind.
·Stay true to your values and do your own thing. You will not need to be concerned with the few people who just don’t seem to understand you.
A.Be who you really are. |
B.Identify and understand why you care. |
C.Recognize you are equal to every other person. |
D.They think of you in a way that might be out of date. |
E.You can live your fulfilling life and they can live theirs. |
F.Caring too much about their views was energy-consuming and unnecessary. |
G.And the bottom line is that it’s none of your business what another person thinks of you. |
10 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser
As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.
Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.
Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.
Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.
Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.
A.Learn to set healthy boundaries. |
B.Don’t mix up your boundaries with others’. |
C.Who are the people that you feel the need to please? |
D.Spend some time learning to love yourself for who you are. |
E.So why bother trying to please everyone if it isn’t possible? |
F.But saying “no” is the best way to take care of your own needs. |
G.That is why the more you seek security, the less of it you have. |