1 . You may not realize it, but you are doing much more than just studying when you are at school. School is also the place where you learn to get on well with people. But this is not always easy. What can you do if you just don't like one of your classmates?

If you discover that you have problems getting on with your classmates or friends, the most important thing to learn is tolerance. Tolerance is the ability to realize and respect the differences in others. We cannot change the way that other people do, so it is important to learn to live happily with them.

Tolerance will make everyone get on better with each other. Getting to know someone may help you understand why he does things differently. Something different does not exactly mean that it is bad. Tolerance teaches us to keep a temperate and open mind.

You need to remember an old saying, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” If you tolerate something, it does not mean that you have to like it. No one is asking you to change who you are or what you believe in. Tolerance just means that you should respect the differences in others and not try to make them change.

It is important to practice tolerance, because it will make everyone's life easier. Learn to accept people for their different abilities and interests. The world is very different, and practicing tolerance in your own school and city can help make a difference.

3 . We’ve all been there: in a lift, in line at the bank or on an airplane, surrounded by people who are, like us, deeply focused on their smartphones or, worse, struggling with the uncomfortable silence.

What’s the problem? It’s possible that we all don’t have enough conversational ability. It’s more likely that none of us start a conversation because it’s embarrassing and challenging, or we think it’s annoying and unnecessary. But the next time you find yourself among strangers, consider that small talk is worth the trouble. Experts say it’s a valuable social practice that leads to big benefits.

It is easy to consider small talk as unimportant, but we can’t forget that deep relationships wouldn’t even exist if there weren’t casual conversations. Small talk is the grease (润滑剂) for social communication, says Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. “Almost every great love story and each big business deal begins with small talk,” he explains. “The secret to successful small talk is learning how to connect with others, not just communicate with them.”

In a 2014 study, Elizabeth Dunn, professor of psychology at UBC, invited people to a coffee shop. One group was asked to interact (互动) with its waiter; the other, to speak only when necessary. The results showed that those who chatted with their server reported significantly higher positive feelings and a better coffee shop experience. “It’s not that talking to the waiter is better than talking to your husband,” says Dunn. “But interactions with peripheral (边缘的) members of our social network is important for our happiness and health.”

Dunn believes that people who reach out to strangers feel a greater sense of belonging, a link with others. Carducci believes developing such a sense of belonging starts with small talk. “Small talk is the basis of good manners,” he says.

4 . Most of us are already aware of the direct effect we have on our friends and family. But we rarely consider that everything we think, feel, do, or say can spread far beyond the people we know. Conversely(相反地), our friends and family serve as conduits(渠道) for us to be influenced by hundreds or even thousands of other people. In a kind of social chain reaction, we can be deeply affected by events we do not witness that happen to people we do not know. As part of a social network, we go beyond ourselves, for good or ill, and become a part of something much larger.

Our connectedness carries with it fundamental implications(影响) for the way we understand the human condition. Social networks have value precisely because they can help us to achieve what we could not achieve on our own. Yet, social­network effects are not always positive. Depression, obesity, financial panic, and violence also spread. Social networks, it turns out, tend to magnify(放大) whatever they are seeded with.

Partly for this reason, social networks are creative. And what these networks create does not belong to any one individual—it is shared by all those in the network. In this way, a social network is like a commonly owned forest: We all stand to benefit from it, but we also must work together to ensure it remains healthy and productive. While social networks are fundamentally and distinctively human, and can be seen everywhere, they should not be taken for granted.

If you are happier or richer or healthier than others, it may have a lot to do with where you happen to be in the network, even if you cannot recognize your own location. And it may have a lot to do with the overall structure of the network, even if you cannot control that structure at all. And in some cases, the process feeds back to the network itself. A person with many friends may become rich and then attract even more friends. This rich­get­richer dynamic means social networks can dramatically reinforce two different kinds of inequality in our society: situational inequality and positional inequality.

Lawmakers have not yet considered the consequences of positional inequality. Still, understanding the way we are connected is an essential step in creating a more just society and in carrying out public policies affecting everything from public health to the economy. We might be better off vaccinating(接种疫苗) centrally located individuals rather than weak individuals. We might be better off helping interconnected groups of people to avoid criminal behaviour rather than preventing or punishing crimes one at a time.

If we want to understand how society works, we need to fill in the missing links between individuals. We need to understand how interconnections and interactions between people give rise to wholly new aspects of human experience that are not present in the individuals themselves. If we do not understand social networks, we cannot hope to fully understand either ourselves or the world we inhabit.

7 . “Don’t tell anyone”. We hear these words when someone tells a secret to us. But it can be hard to keep a secret. We often tend to “spill the beans”, even if we regret it later.

According to Asim Shah, professor in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Baylor College of Medicine, US, keeping a secret may well “become a burden”. This is because people often have an “obsessive and anxious urge to share it with someone”.

An earlier study, led by Anita E. Kelly, a scientist at the University of Notre Dame, US, suggested that keeping a secret could cause stress. People entrusted (受委托的) with secrets can suffer from depression, anxiety, and body aches, reported the Daily Mail.

But with secrets so often getting out, why do people share them at all?Shah explained that people often feel that it will help them keep a person as a friend. Another reason people share secrets is guilt over keeping it from someone close to them. A sense of distrust can develop when people who are close do not share it with each other. “Keeping or sharing secrets often puts people in a position of either gaining or losing the trust of someone,” according to Shah.

He added that talkative people could let secrets slip out (泄露). But this doesn’t mean that it is a good idea only to share secrets with quiet people. A quiet person may be someone who keeps everything inside. To tell such a person a secret may cause them stress, and make them talk about the secret.

Shah said that to judge whether to tell someone a secret, you’d better put yourself in their position. Think about how you would feel to be told that you mustn’t give the information away. Shah also recommended that if you accidentally give up someone’s secret you should come clean about it. Let the person know that their secret isn’t so secret anymore.

9 . A day in the life of 18-year-old David Lanster is full of teenage activities: school, baseball practice, homework. And then he starts cooking. "Some nights I'm up until I am making pies, or even later if we're cooking beef," said the student at Ransom Everglades High School in Florida, US.

For the past year, Lanster and Kelly Moran, his classmate, have been hosting fancy dinner parties at Lanster's parents' home. Their meals have 17 courses and are all made by them. Their guests used to give them gifts to thank them, until the pair decided to do something nice for charity. "We got some really great Miami Heat tickets, a nice watch, and many kitchen machines," Lanster said. "But we wanted to make this something positive for people rather than us."

Lanster and Moran focused on Common Threads, a charity that helps to teach kids in poor neighbourhood to cook and make healthy eating choices. The young cooks ask their guests to give however much they want as payment for their meals. It all goes to Common Threads because Lanster's parents cover their food costs. After their last 12-person event, Lanster and Moran gave $1,600 to the charity. Now, they're taking their show out of the kitchen and on the road. Lanster and Moran have started to organise private dinner parties in a similar way: the host pays for the ingredients (食材), and the guests make a donation (捐赠) to a charity.

Outside the kitchen, the two are busy preparing their college applications. Neither is sure what they will do in the future, but they've promised their parents that they'll leave cooking alone until they finish high school.

10 . Some people are so rude. Who sends an e-mail or a text message that just says “Thank you”? Who leaves a voice mail message rather than texts you?     1     Don’t these people realize that they’re wasting your time?

Maybe I’m the rude one for not appreciating life’s little courtesies (礼节). But many social norms (规范) just don’t make sense to people drowning in digital communication.

Take the thank-you note. Daniel Post Senning, a coauthor of Emily Post’s Etiquette, asked, “At what point does showing appreciation outweigh the cost?”

    2     Think of how long it takes to listen to one of those messages. In texts, you don’t have to declare who you are or even say hello. E-mail, too, is slower than a text. The worst are those who leave a voice mail and then send an e-mail message to tell you they left a voice mail.

This isn’t the first time technology has changed our manners.     3     Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor, suggested that people say, “Ahoy!” Finally, hello won out, and the victory sped up the greeting’s use in face-to-face communications.

In the age of the smart phone, there is no reason to ask once-acceptable questions about: the weather forecast, a business’s phone number, or directions to a house, a restaurant, or an office, which can be easily found on a digital map. But people still ask these things.     4    

How to handle these differing standards? Easy: Consider your audience. Some people, especially older ones, appreciate a thank-you message.     5     In traditional societies, the young learn from the old. But in modern societies, the old can also learn from the young. Here’s hoping that politeness never goes out of fashion but that time-wasting forms of communication do.