【推荐1】“If you don’t behave，I’ll call the police” is a lie that parents generally use to get their young children to behave. Parents’ lies work in the short terns，but a new study led by NTU Singapore suggests that they’re associated with harmful effects when the child becomes an adult.

The research team asked 379 Singaporean young adults whether their parents lied to them when they were children，how much they lie to their parents now，and how well they adjust to adulthood challenges. Adults who reported being lied to more as children were more likely to report deceiving their parents in their adulthood. They also said they faced greater difficulty in meeting psychological and social challenges.

Lead author Assistant Professor Setoh Peipei from NTU Singapore’s School of Social Sciences said，“Parenting by lying can seem to save time especially when the real reasons behind why parents want children to do something is complicated to explain. When parents tell children that ‘honesty is the best policy’, but display dishonesty by lying, such behaviour can send conflicting messages to their children. Parents’ dishonesty may eventually break trust and promote dishonesty in children. Our research suggests that parenting by lying is a practice that has bad consequences for children when they grow up. Parents should be aware of this and consider alternatives to lying, such as acknowledging children’s feelings, giving information so children know what to expect, offering choices and problem-solving together, to help children develop good behaviour.”

The analysis found that parenting by lying could place children at a greater risk of developing problems that the society disapproves, such as aggression and rule-breaking behaviour. Some limitations of the study include relying on what young adults report about their past experience of parents’ lying. “Future research can explore using more information providers, such as parents, to report on the same topic,” suggested Asst Prof Setoh.

【推荐2】What is a family? Why does it matter? What does it teach us that we can’t learn on our own? These questions seem especially relevant in the holiday season when it is often our tradition to gather as families and celebrate together.

My mother was one of twelve children. As they grew up, married and had children of their own, most of them lived near enough to gather for holidays at my grandparents’ home in a small town in the mountains of North Carolina.

I don’t recall getting many gifts from them. I remember the sense of belonging, of being part of something that assured me I was loved and not alone. I delighted in the laughing playing and fighting with my crazy cousins, I watched my granddad and uncles sit on the porch(门廊), rain or shine, smoking and joking arguing about politics and trying to solve the problems of the world. I listened to grandmother, mother and aunts stir pots on the stove and talk about their lives, hopes, dreams and disappointments, and gossip about any sister who failed to show up. The food was always plentiful and delicious — country ham, sweet potatoes, green beans, biscuits and my grandmother’s banana pudding. But for me, the food was never the highlight. The highlight was simply being together. A family.

However, they’re all gone now. My parents and grandparents, my aunts and males have left this world for the next. My cousins are scattered(分散) here and there. And yet the memories linger, along with the love that we shared. I treasure those memories and the things they taught me. They told me that families aren’t perfect, but they prepare us to find our way in an imperfect world. They made me realize that all families are crazy in their own peculiar(独特的) ways.

My husband and I are growing a new family, while keeping close to the surviving members of the families. It’s a beautiful blend (混合) of kindness, traditions nurturing(养育) and friendships, which grows year after year.

I hope this holiday season will fill you with lovely memories of the family that raised you, and surround you with all the people who mean “family” to you now.

【推荐3】Back in 1958, I was crazy about the Norfolk and Western 746. The smooth bullet-nose engine with its orange and yellow lines and shiny streamline d black tender (车厢) seemed to have cast a spell on me.

Together the engine and tender measured a little shy of 2 feet — enormous by the toy train standards of the day. Even better, the 746 had a working headlight and smoker, and its tender sang high.

Unfortunately, the amazing 746 also had an amazing price — $50, equal to about $450 today. That was far more than my grandfather could afford. Instead, I had to be content with his little Lionel plastic, which was SIX INCHES shorter than the 746 and had no headlight, no smoker or no sound! But that was the best that my grandfather could give me at that time.

Years passed, and I was in my 30s. Superior sound systems and computer controls dominated toy trains. I never gave a look. My interest in toy trains, I firmly believed, had faded, so did my admiration for the 746, since my grandfather was not with me. The 746 was never called to mind. On an ordinary day, however, I happened to see the 746 outside the window of a train show. Just one-look, I could not look away. Childhood memories that I tried to hide in the depths of my heart raced through my mind, happy or sad.

That day I took the 746 home and placed it in the center of the room, and let my childhood dream sing its way around me. Smoke rose out from the engine and the soft song sounded from its tender. It seemed as if I could see the soft light in grandfather’s eyes and hear his cheerful laughter.

【推荐1】Tom walked into a shop. It had a sign outside: “Second-hand (旧的) clothes bought and sold.” He was carrying an old pair of trousers and asked the owner of the shop, “How much will you give me for these?” The man looked at them and then said: “Two dollars.” “What!” said Tom, “I had guessed they were worth at least five dollars.” “No,” said the man, “they aren’t worth a cent more than two dollars.” “Well,” said Tom, taking two dollars out of his pocket. “Here’s your money. These trousers were hanging outside your shop. The list price (标价) of them was six dollars and a half. But I thought that was too much money, so I wanted to find out how much they were really worth.”

Then he walked out of the shop with the pair of trousers and disappeared before the shop owner could think of anything to say.

【推荐2】Two blocks. Two very, very long blocks beyond in deep darkness. It is 1953, and I have walked these blocks many times on my way to the room I rent off campus. I get off the bus after leaving the library at ten o’clock in the evening clutching books in my arms, with a purse hanging from a strap on my shoulder.

My landlady works the night shift at the hospital, so at this hour, the house will be as dark and blank as the others on this street. Everything is quiet and closed. Far ahead is a streetlight. I am thinking about a paper due in a few days. What theme should I explore? Will the professor admire or dismiss it? Why are we reading Dreiser anyway?

I notice headlights coming toward me. A car is driving slowly down the street on the other side. As it passes, I glance at the driver—male, blond. I keep walking. The car slows down and stops. I hear its door slam shut. A few seconds later, I hear footsteps behind me. I keep walking; I do not speed up, because I don’t want to call attention to myself. The walker may be going to a house nearby, visiting a friend. Besides, what would be the point of hurrying, running?

I still have to get my door key from my purse. When I reach my house, I will have to walk upstairs to the porch, and fumble in the dark for my key. Then he will climb the steps behind me, put his right hand over my mouth, knock me down on the porch floor, scattering my books and the contents of my purse. There is no one to see. He will hold me down with one hand squeezing my throat, search my body for any valuables with the other, and say, “Don’t fight me; don’t fight.”

I am exhausted. The scene I have imagined is detailed, brutal, and unbearable. I cannot live through what I expect.

I stop. I turn around and wait for him. I wait and wait until he catches up to where I stand, with nothing to defend myself but the urgency to escape not what might happen but what has already happened in my mind.

He comes close, closer. I can see his eyes (or I think I can).

“Will you please leave me alone.” It is neither a question nor a scream. My voice is low, conversational. Nothing can be worse than what I have imagined.

He pauses. “I’m not going to bother you,” he whispers, then turns around and walks back to his car.

【推荐3】Benjamin West, the father of American painting, showed his talent for art when he was only six years of age. But he did not know about brushes before a visitor told him he needed one. In those days, a brush was made from camel’s hair. There were no camels nearby. Benjamin decided that cat hair would work instead. He cut some fur form the family cat to make a brush.

The brush did not last long. Soon Benjamin needed more fur. Before long, the cat began to look ragged (蓬乱). His father said that the cat must be sick. Benjamin was forced to admit what he had been doing.

The Cat’s lot was about to improve. That year, one of Benjamin’s cousins, Mr. Pennington, came to visit. He was impressed with Benjamin’s drawings. When he went home, he sent Benjamin a box of paint and some brushes. He also sent six engravings (版画) by an artist. These were the first pictures and first real paint and brushes Benjamin had ever seen.

In 1747, when Benjamin was nine years old, Mr. Pennington returned for another visit. He was amazed at what Benjamin had done with his gift. He asked Benjamin’s parents if he might take the boy back to Philadelphia for a visit.

In the city, Mr. Pennington gave Benjamin materials for creating oil paintings. The boy began a landscape (风景) painting oil paintings. William Williams, a well-known painter, came to see him work. Williams was impressed with Benjamin and gave him two classic books on painting to take home. The books were long and dull. Benjamin could read only a little, having been a poor student. But he later said, “Those two books were my companions by day, and under my pillow at night.” While it is likely that he understood very little of the books, they were his introduction to classical paintings. The nine-year-old boy decided then that would be an artist.

【推荐3】In 2005, Calvin Echevarria was on top of his game. He had two jobs, bought a house and was raising a 3-year-old daughter with his wife. But suddenly, it felt like it was all taken away. He could no longer work as a FedEx driver because he developed diabetic retinopathy (视网膜病) and was going blind.

Calvin at first worked on developing independent living skills like walking with a stick. But he wanted to learn more — like skills that would be useful for a job. That’s when he found Lighthouse Works in Orlando, a company that creates jobs for the visually impaired (受损的) and blind.

“Seven out of ten people who are visually impaired are not in the workforce,” said Kyle Johnson, president and CEO of Lighthouse Works. “And we knew some blind people are highly educated. And they’re very capable people, who want to work and contribute. So, we created Lighthouse Works to help them do that.”

Calvin works in the call center, where Lighthouse Works has contracts with several clients, including the Florida Department of Economic Opportunity. In his job, Calvin uses a system called JAWS to “hear” the computer he uses. The system reads the computer screen to Calvin in one ear as he listens to a customer call in his other ear.

He said what makes his call center job fun is that the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t even know he’s blind. And he said working in a fully accessible office space, with other visually impaired people who can relate to him, is an added benefit.

“It gives me a purpose. It makes me feel better because I can actually be proud of myself, saying, ‘I provide for my family,’” he said.