“How are you?” These are the three most useless words in the world of communication. The person asking doesn’t really want to know, and the person responding doesn’t tell the truth.
But the key to making the most out of small talk, according to Harvard researchers, is, to simply ask the other person follow-up questions. In a series of experiments, researchers analyzed more than 300 online conversations and found that those who were asked more meaningful follow-up questions (a.k.a. questions that aren’t “how are you?” or “what do you do?”), found the other person much more likable.
So how do you move from tongue-tied to being an interesting person? It depends on questions you start with, and then you can focus on the stream of follow-up questions.
Open your eyes before you open your mouth. Find something to focus on in your surroundings, like the piece of art on the wall, a family picture on their desk, a race car helmet, scattered coins from various countries and so on. There’s bound to be something that will spark small talk and help lead the conversation into unique follow-up questions.
Share some news (that actually happened).
If you have “news”, share it: “I adopted a pet over the weekend” or “My 6-year-old rode a bike for the first time yesterday”. Believe it or not, most people actually do want to know more about others, especially if they both work at the same company.
If you’re new to a company and leading a team, for example, start your first meeting by going around the room and asking each person to say one interesting thing that recently happened in their lives.
It’s not just what you say.
No matter what or how much you say, your tone of voice, facial expression and eye contact will broadcast so much more. In person, look at the other person when you speak, not at the conference table or the wall.
| A．Avoid any small talk in our daily life. |
| B．Be in the moment and observe your surroundings. |
| C．It will also contribute to your success in your work. |
| D．On the phone, smile — it will make your voice sound warmer. |
| E．What follows is a meaningless exchange with zero connection. |
| F．Here are some strategies on having a meaningful conversation. |
| G．Due to the momentary sharing, you’ve allowed everyone to feel more personally and genuinely connected with each other. |
相似题推荐
【推荐1】Everyone sometimes feels that their life is going nowhere. If you do get this feeling, then it is time to do something to increase the quality of your life.
Help others. One of the best ways of creating positivism is to help other people.
Learn a skill. Learning a new skill is one of the most satisfying things you can do. You will feel a sense of achievement that will improve your self-image.
Bring on the laughter. Laughing is very good for you.
Finally, life is good. You are lucky to be alive. Make the most of the time you have, enjoy it, don’t waste it being negative. Follow the advice above and you will surely increase the quality of your life. Be positive, and be happy.
| A．Take up a hobby. |
| B．Take a walk through nature. |
| C．A great way to learn a skill is to join a class. |
| D．It will lower your stress and put you in a good mood. |
| E．Also, your confidence builds up when you learn a new skill. |
| F．Read the list of things to do now to make your life better and more enjoyable. |
| G．Not only do you feel good, but other people will benefit from your behaviors. |
【推荐2】We’ve all heard about the power of our attitude, and it’s our attitude that determines how much we succeed in life.
All the things that you have been through, all the people you have met and interacted with can have an impact on your attitude. If you think that all these factors have molded you into a person with a poor attitude towards life, there is no need to worry.
Identify and understand what you want to change.
The first step towards change is clearly understanding what needs to be changed.
Find someone who has the kind of attitude that you want to have, and let his or her life give you inspiration and encouragement to move beyond your temporary failures in your journey towards becoming a better person.
Choose the right company.
As they say, “Bad company corrupts good character.” You don't expect yourself to be able to change if you go on surrounding yourself with people who possess all the negative traits that you want to change. Consider befriending new people, especially those who are optimistic and have a healthy attitude towards life.
Believe that you are able to change.
| A．Look for a role model. |
| B．There is always an opportunity for change. |
| C．Setting clear goals is the key to success in any endeavor. |
| D．Think about how your attitude change will affect your life. |
| E．The greatest obstacle is our inability to trust in what we can do. |
| F．Your effort to change will be easier with these people as friends. |
| G．Fix your mind on the things that would come as a result of your attitude change. |
【推荐3】We welcomed a daughter into the world yesterday. One day, when. she needs financial advice, here’s what I’ll tell her.
It is easy to assume that wealth and poverty (贫困) are caused by the choices we make, but chance plays a bigger role than most people want to admit.
Everything has a price. The price of a busy job is time away from friends and family. The price of spoiling (宠溺) kids is their sheltered life. Most of those prices are hidden.
I believe the highest benefit of money is the ability to control your time. Being able to do what you want, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, for as long as you want, provides a lasting happiness greater than any fancy things can offer.
As Napoleon defined, a military talent is the person “who can do the average thing when everyone else is losing his mind”.
| A．We’re not going to spoil you. |
| B．Managing money is the same. |
| C．I want you to believe in the values of hard work. |
| D．Learning how to live with less is very important. |
| E．You just have to not mess up for long periods of time. |
| F．The excitement of having fancy things wears off quickly. |
| G．They’re often worth paying, but never ignore that they are true costs. |
【推荐1】I’m sure you know the song “Happy Birthday”. But do you know who wrote the song and for whom it was written?
The retired professor, Archibald A. Hill in Lousciville, USA could tell us the story. Ninety-seven years ago, two of Mr. Archibald Hill’s aunts, Miss Patty Hill and Miss Mildred Hill were asked to write some songs for a book called “Song Storied for the Sunday Morning”. Miss Patty Hill and Miss Mildred Hill were both kindergarten teachers then. They loved children very much and wrote many beautiful songs for the book. One of them was the famous “Good Morning to You.” The song said, “Good morning to you, good morning to you, dear children, good morning to all.” This song was very popular at that time among kindergarten children. But not many grown-ups knew it. A few years later little Archibald was born. As his aunt, Miss Patty Hill sang the song “Happy Birthday” to the melody(曲调) of “Good Morning to you” to her little nephew(侄子). She sang the song like this: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Archie! Happy birthday to you!
Miss Patty Hill and her sister had never expected that this song would become so popular, but it really did. People all over the world like the song because of its simplicity in tune and friendliness in words.
1. Archibald.A.Hill was _______.| A．English | B．Russian |
| C．American | D．Australian |
| A．son | B．nephew |
| C．brother | D．student |
| A．97 | B．more than 90 |
| C．about 90 | D．less than 90 |
| A．Yes, but the song didn’t become popular |
| B．Their wish would really come true |
| C．People all over the world like to listen to the song |
| D．The song really became popular |
【推荐2】There is an old American saying, “Loose lips sink ships.” This means that if you speak too much about something, especially to people who you don’t know so well, it’ll cause all kinds of trouble.
The situation here is so much worse because the “loose lips” were your best friend’s. Treated this way, you’re sure to feel hurt.
But I have to say that it’s partly your fault, isn’t it? You admit that you were “letting off steam”. It is understandable in that situation, but we should always think before we speak.
First, apologise to your teammate. If you ever want to win any more basketball games, you need to work together, and that means communicating with each other clearly and resolving conflicts.
Then, talk to your friend. Friendship should be one of the greatest things in the world, but sometimes it can be difficult. Again, your strategy is clear communication. Tell your friend you’re angry with him for repeating what you said and making the situation worse, but that you want to move on.
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, think about your own behaviour. Don’t say too much when you’re angry!
If you think about other people’s feelings as well as your own, you’ll soon find everything works out.
| A．Here’s what you need to do. |
| B．So have a chat with your teammate. |
| C．Approached in this way, your friendship will soon be repaired. |
| D．Always remember that a friend in need is a friend indeed. |
| E．We depend on our parents at home, while we depend on friends when we are outside. |
| F．Filled with anger, you tend to say whatever comes to your mind. |
| G．We should always be able to trust those closest to us, and it hurts even more when we find we can’t. |
I am a 30-year-old woman with no friends. I have always been shy and a bit of lonely.
In the first couple of years after graduation I kept in touch with most of my friends but gradually they scattered(分散) around the country. My best friend Lily and I were roommates for a while but we had a fight. We both admitted mistakes but refused to apologize. After that she grew very close to the new roommate she got after I moved out. Then she moved across the country and that just made it harder to repair our friendship.
About three years ago I was seriously injured in an accident. After that I got chronic(慢性的) pain. I had to change my job as a result. I get along well with the colleagues (同事) at my new job but no friendships really form, mostly because of large age differences. And at the same time, the friends from my old job gradually gave me up. They said that I never gave them enough attention.
I live in a small town with very little to do. The entire social place is only made up of bars, bars and more bars. It’s really not my thing. I can’t drink because of the medicine I take, and it’s really no fun to go to a bar and be the only person there who doesn’t drink.
I don’t think I’m a difficult person. I’m kind, patient, and a good listener. People seem to like me, but no one seems to want to be friends with me. What should I do?
Yours,
Erica
1. What is Erica’s problem?| A．She can’t find a job. |
| B．She suffers from chronic pain. |
| C．She has difficulty making friends. |
| D．She can’t get along well with her colleagues. |
| A．she doesn’t enjoy drinking |
| B．she pays little attention to her colleagues |
| C．she is too shy to communicate with others |
| D．she isn’t in the same age group as her colleagues |
| A．ask for advice | B．share her problems |
| C．complain of her loneliness | D．apologize to Lily |
