We’ve all felt confused before. The feeling of not knowing what the answers or solutions are can make us feel useless, stupid, and cause us to worry.

People are often likely to think the person who has all of the answers is smarter than the one who asks a lot of questions. As a result, people often try to hide their confusion in different ways. People sometimes act as if they have the answers. At other times, people make guesses or create an answer even if they know it isn’t right.

But confusion might actually be a good thing. When we jump to an answer, we don’t have time to explore (探索) the thing we’re confused about. Instead of paying no attention to your confusion, accepting it and taking the opportunity to think about what’s confusing can benefit our learning. In fact, scientific studies show that confusion actually leads to deeper understanding. A 2004 study explored six moods that people feel while learning, including upset, bored, and confused. They found that students who spent more of the lesson confused learned the most. In another study, scientists tried to confuse students by giving them contradicting (矛盾的) information. Students who expressed confusion during the lesson did better on the final test. Not knowing the answer to a problem gives us space to look at different ways to solve it. The feeling of confusion also encourages us to look more deeply into the problem. In the end, this helps us understand the topic on a deeper level.

Confusion is also important for learning your identity (身份). People find out their identity in two steps. The first step is exploration, where you try out different groups and values and see what fits. The next step is commitment, when you decide firmly (坚定地) about some parts of your identity. You make up your mind that you will act in a way that fits your identity. Exploring your identity can feel very confusing. But a study found, that people who do the most exploring about who they are have better outcomes such as higher self- confidence and self-esteem (自尊) later in life.

So, instead of trying to hide your confusion, try a new method, ask for help, or research different ways to deal with the problem to work through your confusion.

【推荐3】There is an old Chinese proverb that states “One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade,” and this is how it should be with mothers and daughters. ① The relationship can be similar to friendship. However, the mother and daughter relationship has special characteristics that make it different from a friendship. These characteristics include a hierarchy(等级) of responsibilities and unconditional love, which preclude mothers and daughters from being best friends.

Marina, 27 years old, said, “I love spending time with my mom, but I wouldn’t consider her my best friend. Best friends don’t pay for your wedding. Best friends don’t remind you how they carried you in their body and gave you life! ② Best friend don’t tell you how wise they are because they have been alive at least 20 years longer than you.” This doesn’t mean that the mother and daughter relationship can’t be very close and satisfying.

While some adult relationships are still troubled, many find them to be extremely rewarding. This generation of mothers and adult daughters has a lot in common, which increases the likelihood of shared companionship. Mothers and daughters have always shared the common experience of being homemakers, responsible for maintaining and passing on family values and traditions. ③ Today contemporary mothers and daughters also share the experience of the workforce and technology, which may bring them even closer together.

Best friends may or may not continue to be best friends, but for better or worse, the mother and daughter relationship is permanent, even if for some unlucky reason they aren’t speaking. The mother and child relationship is closer than any other. ④ There is not an equal relationship. Daughters should not feel responsible for their mother’s emotional well-being. It isn’t that they don’t care deeply about their mothers. It’s just that they shouldn’t be burdened with their mother’s well-being.

The mother and daughter relationship is a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. Mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. Mothers always “trump(胜过)” friends.

【推荐1】Everyone feels lonely (感到孤独的) sometimes. But first, you should (应该) try to find out what makes you feel lonely.

Coming to a new place can make you feel lonely. When you come to a new place, you may be afraid to talk with others and then you may feel lonely. Sometimes your parents or teachers don’t let you do things your friends can do. They think these things may not be good for you. You may feel lonely at this time. When special people leave you, you may feel lonely. They can be your family or friends. You may not want to talk with others after they leave.

Feeling lonely for a long time can make you feel very depressed. If you feel sad all the time, it will not be good for your health. So you should try to know how to solve (解决) it when you feel lonely. Here are some ways to help you.

First, learn to change (改变) yourself. When you come to a new place, just go to talk with others actively (积极地). When your family or friends leave you, you can make some new friends. Second, learn to talk with your parents and teachers. Tell them how you feel, and listen to what they say. After you talk with them, you may find a good way to deal with the problem.

I do hope everyone will not feel lonely!