10 . When my son was eleven years old, he came home from school in tears one day. A couple of the older kids bullied (欺负) him at the bus stop. Rob wanted to stay home from school, so he wouldn’t have to meet the boys.

We called the school. “We’ll be happy to call the boys’ parents,” We were told, “And you should call the police.” “We don’t know what we will do yet.” I said. I felt that calling the police was a choice to be used when everything else failed, and I wanted first to consider other ways of dealing with the situation, I asked him to hold off calling the boys’ parents.

The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look our of the window and said in fer, “There are the boys who beat me up!” Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.

My wife Bev opened the door and said with a smile, “Hi guys. Would you like some ice cream?” They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were teenagers, after all, so one of them said, “Sure. Why not?”

Bev quickly introduced herself, Rob’s younger brothers and me. She even introduced Rusty, the dog. “And I think you already know Rob,” She said. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family and even owned a family pet.

Bev drew the boys into chat while we ate ice cream. After a few minutes, she said, “I know there’s been some trouble at the bus stop. I think there may be a misunderstanding.” They nodded that there had indeed been trouble at the bus stop. She continued, “Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding, so you can be friends.” We talked until the ice cream was finished. Finally the boys apologized.

Understanding is a difficult task. It may be easier to control conflict by force than to find a way to cooperate. Force can calm a situation. But understanding leads to peace.