2 . You might have heard of the expression “a guilty pleasure”—maybe it’s the chocolate bar you buy on the way home from work, or the new clothes that you don’t really need.     1     . Perhaps we don’t feel we deserved it, or we don’t think it was a responsible way to spend our money. But should we feel like this? Do we really have to feel guilty about treating ourselves?

Perhaps not. Psychologists have suggested that buying things for yourself can make you feel better as it provides an opportunity to take control of your situation.    2     . It may be that as well as lifting your mood, when you buy a treat, you might just be looking after yourself.

Of course, there are also examples of people turning to destructive behaviour when faced with stressful circumstances. People might spend money that they don’t have or turn to dangerous addictions. Psychologist Leon Seltzer considers the difference between self-indulgence and self-nurturing.    3     , while self-nurturing is taking responsible decisions to satisfy our needs and take care of ourselves in ways that don’t have a significant impact.

    4    . So, many universities publish guides with advice for coping with exam stress. Reflecting the difference between self-indulgence and self-nurture, they recommend rewarding yourself for your efforts, doing things that you enjoy and are good at so that you can feel accomplishment.    5     . Thus, perhaps, as long as we make responsible decisions, we shouldn’t feel guilty about our guilty pleasures.

5 . Act Your Shoe Size, Not Your Age

As adults, it seems that we are constantly pursuing happiness, often with mixed results. Yet children appear to have it down to an art and for the most part they don’t need self-help books or methods.     1     Children’s way is usually more effective than grown-ups’. Perhaps it’s time to learn a few lessons from them.

What does a child do when he’s sad? He cries. When he’s angry? He shouts. Scared? Probably a bit of both.     2     So they don’t influence our behavior. But too often we take this process too far and end up suppressing ( 压 抑 ) emotions, especially negative ones. What we need to do is find a way to acknowledge and express what we feel appropriately, and then again, like children—move on.

    3     If we adults could be obsessed with a bit of silliness and giggling like them, we would reduce the stress hormones (荷尔蒙), improve blood flow to our hearts and even have a greater chance of fighting off infection. All of them would, of course, have a positive effect on our happiness levels.

A couple of Christmases ago, my daughter, who was nine years old at the time, got a Superman T-shirt for Christmas. It cost less than a five but she was overjoyed, and couldn’t stop talking about it. However, too often we adults believe that a new job, bigger house or better car will be the magic silver bullet that will allow us to finally be content.     4    

Having said all above, it’s necessary to add that we shouldn’t try too hard to be happy.     5     Overthinking it will make it more difficult for us to gain happiness. We need to look to the example of our children, to whom happiness is not a goal but a natural byproduct of the way they live.

9 . When you hear that your friend has passed an exam that you failed earlier, how do you react? Do you share in her happiness? If you do, congratulations!     1     Studies have shown that experiencing Freudenfreude can lead to acts of kindness, such as helping others. By celebrating the victories of others, we can bring more success into our own lives.

    2     Sometimes, the disappointment of our own failure can make it difficult to feel happy for others. If we were raised in an environment where winning was strongly associated with self-worth, we may mistakenly interpret someone else’s success as our own failure. Our mental health and overall well being can also affect our ability to share in someone else’s joy.     3    

One method to evoke positive feelings for others is through asking questions. We don’t have to wait for someone else’s good news to practice Freudenfreude. By inviting others to share their victories and genuinely listening to their stories, we can cultivate joy.     4    

Since emotions are contagious (有感染力的), expressing appreciation can also enhance Freudenfreude. We can think of Freudenfreude as something that can be shared when we are experiencing personal happiness.     5     Starting by sharing our own achievements and expressing gratitude can create a sense of shared joy, enhancing Freudenfreude for both parties involved.