Coping With the Sunday Scaries
A few years ago, I was in the kitchen of a friend’s house preparing a meal. When we all sat down to eat, my friend’s wife wolfed down her supper and then disappeared into another room to do some work. He smiled and said, “Sunday nights are the new Monday mornings around here.”
I was surprised at the time. Now, I find myself
Apparently, my Sunday-night anxieties and Monday-morning blues are not unique to me alone. A new study led by Ilke Inceoglu from the University of Exeter found that this phenomenon often takes the form of mental concerns about the week ahead, as well as feelings of nervousness and difficulty with sleeping. “It’s as if your mind moves away from
Inceoglu found that these Sunday scaries were particularly pronounced
What should we do about the “Sunday scaries”? Researchers have offered some useful suggestions that
2 . Back in 1964, in his book Games People Play, psychiatrist Eric Berne described a pattern of conversation he called “Why Don’t You — Yes But”, which remains one of the most annoying aspects of everyday social life. The person adopting the strategy is usually a chronic complainer. Something is terrible about their relationship, job, or other situation, and they complain about it endlessly, but find some excuse to dismiss any solution that’s proposed. The reason, of course, is that on some level they don’t want a solution; they want to be validated (认可) in their position that the world is out to get them. If they can “win” the game — dismissing every suggestion until interlocutor (对话者) gives up in annoyance — they get to feel pleasurably righteous (正当的) in their anger and excused from any obligation to change.
Part of the trouble here is the so-called responsibility/fault fallacy (谬误). When you’re feeling hard done by — taken for granted by your partner, say, or obliged to work for a stupid boss — it’s easy to become attached to the position that it’s not your job to address the matter, and that doing so would be an admission of fault. But there’s a confusion here. For example, if I were to discover a newborn at my front door, it wouldn’t be my fault, but it most certainly would be my responsibility. There would be choices to make, and no possibility of avoiding them, since trying to ignore the matter would be a choice. The point is that what goes for the baby on the doorstep is true in all cases: even if the other person is 100% in the wrong, there’s nothing to be gained, long-term, from using this as a justification to evade responsibility.
Should you find yourself on the receiving end of this kind of complaining, there’s a clever way to shut it down — which is to agree with it. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb describes this as “over-validation”. For one thing, you’ll be spared further complaining, since the other person’s motivation was to confirm her beliefs, and now you’re confirming them. But for another, as Gottlieb notes, people confronted with over-validation often hear their complaints afresh and start arguing back. The concept that they’re utterly powerless suddenly seems unrealistic, not to mention rather annoying — so they’re prompted instead to generate ideas about how they might change things.
“And then, sometimes, something magical might happen, ” Gotlieb writes. The other person “might realize she’s not as trapped as you are saying she is, or as she feels. ” Avoiding responsibility feels comfortable, but turns out to be a prison; whereas assuming responsibility feels unpleasant, but ends up being freeing.
1. What is the characteristic of a chronic complainer, according to Eric Berne?| A．They are angry about their ill treatment and feel bitter towards whoever tries to help. |
| B．They are habitually unhappy and endlessly find fault with people around them. |
| C．They constantly dismiss others’ proposals while taking no responsibility for dealing with the problem. |
| D．They lack the basic skills required for successful conversations with others. |
| A．People tend to think that one should not be held responsible for others’ mistakes. |
| B．It is easy to become attached to the position of overlooking one’s own fault. |
| C．People are often at a loss when confronted with a number of choices. |
| D．A distinction should be drawn between responsibility and fault. |
| A．Stop them from going further by agreeing with them. |
| B．Listen to their complaints attentively and sympathetically. |
| C．Ask them to validate their beliefs with further evidence. |
| D．Persuade them to clarify the confusion they caused. |
| A．What is the responsibility/fault fallacy for chronic complainers? |
| B．How can you avoid dangerous traps in everyday social life? |
| C．Who are chronic complainers and how to deal with them? |
| D．Why should we stop being a chronic complainer and assume responsibility? |
| A．Anxiety. | B．Truth. |
| C．Sympathy. | D．Time. |
| A．She is older than he is. |
| B．She is a medical student. |
| C．She has a great sense of humour. |
| D．She has had a similar experience. |
| A．He has never heard of them. |
| B．He didn’t have their number. |
| C．He hasn’t had the time. |
| D．He couldn’t afford the fee. |
| A．The home telephone number of a consultant. |
| B．A course on how to cope with stress. |
| C．A book on how to pass examinations. |
| D．A lecture on “Students in Distress”. |
4 . In the film Inside Out, 11-year-old Riley’s emotions are personified as brightly colored internal figures that drive her behaviors. The same five emotions—anger, fear, disgust (憎恶), sadness, and joy—appear in every other character’s head as well, functioning in much the same way in each individual. In Western cultures, this is the case, argues psychologist Batja Mesquita in Between Us. Emotions in such contexts, she writes, are considered “MINE,” or “Mental, INside the person, and Essentialist,” the latter defined in the book as always having the same properties.
This conception of emotion is not universal, however. Emotions elsewhere, she argues, are thought of as “OURS”—“OUtside the person, Relational, and Situated.” Using this distinction, Mesquita sets about contrasting emotions in “the West,” where the individual is the top concern, with “the Rest,” where community is prioritized.
Mesquita describes amae as a central emotion in Japanese culture, where it builds interdependence by encouraging tolerance in parenting process. She describes hasham—which includes shame, embarrassment, and social respectability—as a fundamental emotion for Egyptian Bedouins (游牧人). Such observations provide a background for her to explore a range of issues, including childhood socialization, the nature of friendship, the role of language in shaping emotions, and cross-cultural communication in a globalized world.
Despite Mesquita’s emphasis on cross-cultural emotions, there is little discussion of whether the MINE-OURS dichotomy (二分法) accurately explains global cultural variation. Other scholars have noted, for example, that hunter-gatherer societies at the same time emphasize both individual self-government and social cooperation. And in an apparent contradiction to her earlier arguments, Mesquita herself ultimately concludes that Westerners have OURS emotions.
Taken as a whole, however, the book contributes much to the discussion of the origins of emotions, presenting a remarkable collection of cross-cultural studies intermixed with personal stories about foreign residents’ struggles to reunite diverse emotional and social worlds. In chapter 8, for example, Mesquita describes an incident where she—a Dutch native living in the United States—bumped into the famous American psychologist Hazel Markus at a conference Markus helped organize. Wishing to express understanding of Markus’s workload, Mesquita declared “You look a little tired.” The remark appeared to make Markus nervous and confused but was intended as an expression of sympathy—to sympathize in Dutch is to acknowledge suffering, not offer comfort as in the US.
The book’s take-home message is fundamental: There are no natural emotions, no inborn emotions, no universal emotions. Mesquita argues that emotions are “meaning making” and “a preparation for action” and that the idea of “emotions as inner states” is a Western construct. Instead, she suggests that emotions are a “dance” cocreated between people who live in a specific cultural context at a particular historical moment.
1. In Between Us, Mesquita indicates that ______.| A．the Japanese build kids’ emotion of shame in parenting |
| B．MINE-OURS dichotomy is the very cause of cross-cultural emotions |
| C．emotions outside “the West” are considered community-centred |
| D．hunter-gatherers have both emotions of “OURS” and “MINE” |
| A．the emotion of sympathy is to offer help in Dutch culture |
| B．foreign residents from different cultures usually unite as one |
| C．as Dutch Mesquita shows her personality of warmth and caring |
| D．cross-cultural emotional exchanges probably cause misunderstanding |
| A．Family education hardly influences one’s emotions. |
| B．Sociocultural contexts largely contribute to emotions. |
| C．Western people’s emotions have no properties of OURS. |
| D．Internal factors play a vital role in shaping how we feel. |
| A．The cultural landscape of emotions | B．The cultural origin of emotions |
| C．The cultural convention of emotions | D．The cultural shock of emotions |
Hi, everyone.
Traditionally,
Of course, the events of 2020 haven’t shown a lot of respect for our traditions. In a year of so much tragedy, it can be tough to give thanks when you’re doing your best to get by. And far too many of us will have to gather around a table with an empty chair, if we were able to gather together at all.
One thing, though, we can say about 2020 is that it forced us all to cherish what is most important, what’s most meaningful in our lives. To stop taking things for granted,
Throughout this challenging year, I’ve been moved, again and again, by the sacrifices so many were willing to make on behalf of others. The healthcare professionals who risked their lives to save ours. The workers who have kept our lights on and our shelves stocked, always essential to our economy, but finally
These are exactly the leaders Michelle and I started our Foundation to support. We always thought they
What we learned in 2020 is that these emerging leaders aren’t just building a brighter future, they’re safeguarding our present. In hard times, they are the ones who’ve given me solace. It’s
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody.
—Quoted from Barack Obama’s Christmas speech in 2020
6 . About 50 years ago, the famous British band The Beatles sang that “money can’t buy me love”. Today, British economists are saying that it perhaps can’t buy you happiness cither. This is showed by the Happy Planet Index (HPI 快乐指数) published recently by the New Economics Foundation (NEF) in London.
The index is about how well countries are using their resources. It shows how well they provide people with better health and longer and happier lives, and at what cost to their environment.
It would seem to be common sense that people in richer countries live happier lives, while those in developing countries are having a harder time. But the results are surprising, even shocking. The numbers show that some of the so-called developed countries are performing very badly. The United States, for example, ranks number 150th. On the other hand, some little-known developing countries are doing a much better job. A tiny island in the Pacific, Vanuatu, comes in first. There are 178 countries and areas in the index. China ranks number 31.
Countries are graded on the basis of information supplied in response to the following questions. How do people feel about their lives? How long does an average person live? How greatly does a country need to use its natural resources to maintain its living standards? This is what the index calls the “ecological footprint”.
The NEF found that the people of island nations enjoy the highest HPI rankings. Their populations live happier and longer lives, and use fewer resources.
The results also seem to show that it is possible to live longer, happier lives with a much smaller environment impact. The index points out that people in the US and Germany enjoy similar lives.
“However, Germany’s ecological footprint is only about half that of the US. This means that Germany is around twice as efficient as the US at producing happy lives,” says Nic Marks, head of NEF’s Center for well-being.
So the Happy Planet Index (HPI) tells us a brand-new concept of understanding “being happy”. HPI figures out different countries or individuals’ HPI through their “Ecological Footprint” and “Life Satisfaction Level” or “Life Expectancy”. Clearly, people’s HPI is related to their consumption of the resources on the earth.
You can find out your own HPI by visiting http: //www, happyplanetindex.org.
1. The passage is mainly about __________.| A．in which country people feel the happiest |
| B．why money can’t buy you happiness |
| C．what index can influence people’s happiness |
| D．what Happy Planet Index is |
| A．the richness of natural resources |
| B．the efficiency of energy consumption |
| C．the development of economy |
| D．the life expectancy of the people |
| A．The happiest countries listed in the index are quite different from those expected. |
| B．Developing countries are having & hard time reaching the top of the index. |
| C．Countries that have high HPI rankings have a greater impact on the environment. |
| D．The less happy countries depend on the developed countries’ resources. |
| A．some developed countries are performing badly ecologically |
| B．it is possible to live a happy life with fewer resources |
| C．not all the people in developed countries enjoy happy lives |
| D．history and culture play an important role in people’s lives |
7 . Noah reached for his guitar, remembering his father as he did so, thinking how much he missed him. He strummed once, adjusted the tension on two strings, then strummed again. This time it sounded about right, and he began to play.
Soft music, quiet music. He hummed for a little while at first, then began to sing as night came down around him. He played and sang until the sun was gone and the sky black. It was a little after seven when he quit, and he settled back into his chair and began to rock. By habit, he looked upward and saw Orion and the Big Dipper, Gemini and the Pole Star, twinkling in the autumn sky. He started to run the numbers in his head, then stopped. He knew he’d spent almost his entire savings on the house and would have to find a job again soon, but he pushed the thought away and decided to enjoy the remaining months of restoration without worrying about it. Besides, thinking about money usually bored him. Early on, he’d learned to enjoy simple things, things that couldn’t be bought, and he had a hard time understanding people who felt otherwise. It was another trait he got from his father.
Clem, his hound dog, came up to him then and nuzzled his hand before lying down at his feet. “Hey, girl, how’re you doing?” he asked as he patted her head, and she whined softly, her soft round eyes peering upward. A car accident had taken her leg, but she still moved well enough and kept him company on quiet nights like these. He was thirty-one now, not too old, but old enough to be lonely. He hadn’t dated since he’d been back here, hadn’t met anyone who remotely interested him. It was his own fault, he knew. There was something that kept a distance between him and any woman who started to get close, something he wasn’t sure he could change even if he tried. And sometimes in the moments right before sleep came, he wondered if he was destined to be alone forever.
The evening passed, staying warm, nice. Noah listened to the crickets and the rustling leaves, thinking that the sound of nature was more real and aroused more emotion than things like cars and planes. Natural things gave back more than they took, and their sounds always brought him back to the way man was supposed to be. “It’ll keep you from going crazy,” his father had told him the day he’d shipped out. “It’s God’s music and it’ll take you home.” He finished his tea, went inside, found a book, then turned on the porch light on his way back out. After sitting down again, he looked at the book. It was old, the cover was torn, and the pages were stained with mud and water.
It was Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman, and he had carried it with him throughout the war. It had even taken a bullet for him once. He rubbed the cover, dusting it off just a little. Then he let the book open randomly and read the words in front of him: This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless. Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done. Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best. Night, sleep, death and the stars. For some reason Whitman always reminded him of New Bern, and he was glad he’d come back. Though he’d been away from fourteen years, this was home and he knew a lot of people here, most of them from his youth. Like so many southern towns, the people who lived here never changed, they just grew a bit older.
1. The underlined sentence in paragraph two is the equivalent of “_________”.| A．he hated those who were unable to appreciate simple things in life |
| B．he didn’t see eye to eye with people who liked to save money |
| C．he had difficulty in figuring out how he got this trait from his father |
| D．he didn’t understand why people were so materialistic |
| A．Noah often played the guitar and observed the stars. |
| B．Clem the dog showed great affection for her master. |
| C．Noah was destined to be alone since no woman seemed interested in him. |
| D．Noah planned to restore his house before landing himself a job. |
| A．Patients suffering from mental disorder can be cured by nature. |
| B．The closer you are to nature, the closer you are to your true self. |
| C．Where there is God’s music, there is home. |
| D．A good book is a man’s best company. |
| A．had been a treasure but was now too damaged to read |
| B．recorded the lives of New Bern’s people who never changed over the years |
| C．was beyond Noah’s understanding so he randomly picked up some words to read |
| D．stirred a feeling of nostalgia in Noah |
| A．To treat eating disorder during high school. |
| B．To increase confidence in herself. |
| C．To achieve external perfection. |
| D．To try to lose some weight. |
| A．She felt pleased to find a good husband. |
| B．She was upset about her unsatisfactory image. |
| C．She was anxious to read about the story of ancient Italians. |
| D．She was stressed about the tight wedding schedule. |
| A．Getting well along with friends. |
| B．Improving self-image through various ways. |
| C．Being devoted to meaningful activities. |
| D．Relying on people around her. |
| 假设你是明启中学高三学生李明，最近在一本英语杂志上读到一篇关于“happiness”的文章，其中列举了几位名人对这一话题的看法（如右所示）。你对此话题很感兴趣，给该杂志“读者来信”专栏写一封邮件，内容须包括： 1) 哪一位名人的看法最令你有同感； 2) 2)你的理由。 | Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. — Aristotle Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will escape you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. — Henry David Thoreau The secret of happiness is not in seeking more, but in learning to enjoy less. — Socrates |
Say Thanks
If writing thank-you letters is a task you readily dismiss, you aren’t alone. However, saying thanks could be the best gift you can give, to yourself and others.
The benefits of gratitude have long been championed in philosophical thinking. In recent years, the science has been catching up: it shows that people who feel most grateful generally get a psychological boost (促进) as a result. They also have greater life satisfaction, fewer visits to the doctor and better sleep. This has led to gratitude being a part of our culture, inspiring an explosion of gratitude journals, in which you record things you are thankful for. It has also led to renewed interest in the neuroscience and psychology of gratitude.
However, the benefits of actually expressing this gratitude have received less attention. Now evidence is piling up that shows turning our inner gratitude into action can make our lives even better.
For instance, a simple thank you can build relationships, even with strangers. Take people who have received a note of thanks for something they have done from a peer they don’t know. They are more likely to share their contact details with that person in an attempt to continue the relationship than people who receive a note that doesn’t contain thanks. A simple thank you seems to signal interpersonal warmth.
But the benefits go further than just strengthening social relationships, they can have an impact on health, too. A study of more than 200 nurses working in two Italian hospitals found that gratitude expressed by patients could protect nurses from burnout. That was especially so in the emergency room, where personal interactions with patients are typically shorter and less rewarding. This positive feedback from patients reduced feelings of exhaustion among nurses, says Mara Martini at the University of Turin, who carried out the work.
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