My dad was more than a father to me; he was my friend and confidant (知己) and one of the most amazing people in my life. So when he passed away suddenly from a stroke at the age of 51, my world fell apart. I was lost, along with my mother who had been with my father since age 16, two brothers, and everyone who knew him. We were thrown into a thick fog of anger, sadness, and shock.

I cried every night and tried to hold onto all my memories of him. I replayed every moment I could remember — writing down thoughts, printing out old e-mails, reading old birthday cards — anything I could hang on to because I didn’t want to forget. As I was going through all these old memories, I began to wonder about all the things I had missed. My dad was a quiet man who was known for his listening skills, his patience, his humor, and his smile. He was often the one listening instead of telling stories. I wanted to know what stories I had missed by losing him so soon. So I decided to compile (编纂) a memory book as a surprise Christmas gift for my mom and brothers.

I started my project in November, contacting everyone I knew who was close to my dad or had been in the past. I sent e-mails and letters asking for friends and family of Gary Force to send me their thoughts and memories of him. I asked them specifically to share funny stories about my dad and the stories that maybe no one had ever heard or had long forgotten. I told them to respond no later than one week before Christmas. I waited and waited and got very few responses by December. I began to wonder if this was a horrible idea or if anyone even cared.

And then the responses started pouring in.

I gave it to my family as the last gift on Christmas Day.

3 . Panic attacks cause a sudden intense fear when no danger is present or there is no identifiable trigger (诱因). This fear activates the body’s emergency system, causing the physical fight or flight reactions.     1    

Learn to be flexible.

If you are sitting on the couch watching TV and you start to feel a panic attack, don’t continue to sit there and think about it. Get up and do something else! Leave your desk and apply some cold water to your face. Call a friend. Or just leave the house to get some fresh air.     2    

Work out.

When feeling panic, it can be effective to match the intensity of the anxiety with physical exercise. Just go outside, walk energetically around the block, or walk up and down the stairs until the feeling passes. Gentle exercise is less effective while intense exercise can make it difficult to think about anything else.     3     People tend to tense their muscles when having anxiety and panic.

Breathe properly.

    4     Naturally, people may breathe deeper and then make the situation worse. So do it slowly through your nose by pushing your abdomen (腹部) out for 5-7 seconds. Hold your breath for a few seconds and then breathe it out through your mouth slowly.

    5    

Pick something objective and study it deeply, Then describe every detail of it. When you finish one item, move on to describe other items. For example, What is the leaf like? Does it have smooth edges? What is its color? Are some new leaves coming out? This exercise can help bring you back to the moment and away from focusing on physical sensations.

6 . As ninety approached, many things had changed for Mom except one: She wanted a big birthday party. But because of a fractured (断裂的) hip just 3 weeks before, we could only arrange a small one at the rehab (康复中心) instead of giving her a big celebration in a restaurant.

Mom’s husband, Fred, was also in the facility, admitted to the dementia (痴呆) unit prior to her admission. Mom visited him a few times each week, but these visits distressed her because he was usually asleep and did not respond to her. She often left in tears and was sad for days.

On the day of the party, we decorated the dining room with balloons, and a sheet cake was decorated in her favorite colour. Surrounded by her loved ones, Mom was overwhelmed with happiness. Only one other person could have made this day happier: Fred, her husband of thirty years. Because the party was held in the nursing facility, we had taken him to the party, too. When an attendant brought him into the room, Mom shouted with joy. We positioned them side by-side in their wheelchairs. He sat there with his eyes closed, unresponsive, and the party went on.

A short time later, there was a buzz in the room: “Fred’s awake!” And he was! Mom spoke to him, and he responded. He said, “I love you.” He ate the birthday cake and ice cream. He stayed for the rest of the party. After I sent him back to his nursing unit, the remaining guests were still talking about Fred and his miraculous awakening, just in time to share his wife’s ninetieth birthday. Mom was very happy, crying that his presence was the best gift of all.

God works in strange ways. We were able to give Mom a lovely celebration after all, and with her husband at her side, a happy birthday indeed.

9 . Worry is a natural emotion. Whether it’s health, a job, or a relationship, everyone has something that stresses them out and keeps them awake at night.    1    Here are some tips that can help you worry less and live more.

Keep your mind busy with activities you enjoy.

Maybe it’s playing an instrument, cooking, writing, or going for a walk in nature.    2     They connect you with something deeper than yourself so that your minds tend not to wander toward worry or anxiety.

    3    

Worrying is often a result of taking something out of context and blowing it up in your mind to be more than it actually is. So take a moment to objectively analyze the situation, look at the facts and weigh them against how things could turn out. Your worries and anxieties are only as powerful as you give them permission to be.

Learn how to manage your time more effectively.

One of the best ways to get rid of worries is to learn how to manage your time better.     4     Start by saying no. It’s necessary when you have too many commitments. You also need to prioritize what matters most.

    5    The good news is that worry is just a mental habit that can be overcome. You have the power within to create a happier life for yourself and live in a state of peace, joy, and gratitude.