1 . When is a kid not a kid anymore? If you asked my 12-year-old daughter, the magical age would be 13, when you can no longer be considered a “child”. If you asked my 15-year-old niece, the age would be 16, when she will be able to drive a car and get an after-school job. According to the U. S. government, a child officially becomes an adult when they turn 18. That’s when they can vote. But even though an 18-year-old starts paying taxes, the government does not consider that person mature enough to buy a beer. Still, even a kid who can buy a beer is not old enough to rent a car.

Scientists have learned from a new study that when kids are around 18, their prefrontal cortex, which helps control impulses, solve problems, and organize behavior, is only halfway developed. That’s not to say that kids in their late teens and early 20s can’t take on these tasks, but it means that it’s harder for them to do so - at least until around age 25 or so when this area of the brain fully develops.

“What we’re really saying is that to have a definition of when you move from childhood to adulthood looks absurd,” Peter Jones from the University of Cambridge said. “It’s a much more nuanced (微妙的) change that takes place over thirty years.”

This isn’t a news flash for parents who have watched their teens take crazy risks while seeming unable to get their lives together until they’re older. But this information throws new light on the way kids without as much support are treated. In the foster (寄养的) care system, once a child turns 18, he can no longer receive state-backed support. And many people think this is too early for a teen to be on his own, especially a teen who has experienced a painful childhood. Because of this, some foster care advocates think it makes more sense for 25 to be the new legal age of adulthood.

5 . Tips to help you overcome people-pleasing

Considering other people’s feelings and treating them with kindness is something we strive to do.    1    

When this happens, people-pleasing has crossed the line from kind and generous to self-abandonment — not being the authentic self because we’re afraid others will disapprove, criticize, or reject us. Here are tips for you to overcome such behaviors.

Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. It’s not something you do if you have time or if you deserve it. Taking care of your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs keeps you healthy. Without it, you’ll get sick, stressed, and irritable. Try putting self-care activities (exercise, socializing, hobbies, etc.) on your calendar to ensure that self-care is a priority.

One big mistake people-pleasers make is acting as if everyone’s opinion matters equally. You don’t differentiate whose opinion matters more. Generally, the closer the relationship, the more you’ll value their opinion and want to please them. Thus, it’s natural to want to do things to make your loved ones happy.     3    

Most people worry that painful conflicts will destroy relationships.     4     But it’s not helpful or possible. When you avoid conflict, you suppress your feelings and needs. And this causes you to disconnect from yourself and from others. But healthy conflict is the one in which both parties can respectfully express themselves.     5     This is quite different from the unhealthy conflicts.

8 . Not being able to see someone you love for a long time is very difficult…but it does make reuniting (重逢) all the more _______.

Owen and Stevie _______ several years ago at their primary school in Chicago. The two became _______ , and seemingly nothing could separate them.

_______, their friendship was _______ three years ago when Owen and his family moved to Missouri —about 400 miles away!

Owen and Stevie _______ to keep their friendship. Still, it wasn’t easy not being able to see each other at school every day.

As luck would have it, Owen’s dad recently _______ a business trip to Chicago. Naturally, the two families would _______ this amazing chance of a reunion. Instead of telling Stevie the good news directly, they chose to _______ him!

Although Stevie had no idea what was going on, one thing was certain: it couldn’t have happened at a better time.

Everyone has ________ days, and the day that Owen ________ was one of Stevie’s. It was going so badly that he had his mom pick him up early. Little did he ________ that the best pick-me-up ever was waiting for him in the back seat.

As Stevie opened the door, Owen was sitting there! “What are you doing here?” Stevie said before crying. “You just ________. I’ve had the worst day ever.”

“I’m visiting you,” Owen replied and gave Stevie a huge hug (拥抱). He ________ Stevie with pats (轻拍) on his back. Stevie enjoyed the moment and said, “I can’t believe it. I feel like I’m ________.”

9 . When a friendship hit s a wall, how do you know whether to work on the relationship or let it go? “It actually is a matter of life and death,” wrote Lydia Denworth in her book. “Friendship is not a choice．It’s a necessity that is important to our ability to succeed.” If you’ve lost touch with good friends, it could be time to work through hurt feelings and repair the friendships．    1    .

●Think and write down the good

Before you face a difficult conversation with a friend, pause and think it over．“Think of the moments when this friendship has brought you joy or excitement,” suggested Adam, author of Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.     2    ．He also encouraged sharing that list in conversation with the friend.

●Choose a different way to communicate

    3    . “People are happy to get mails or postcards. Write more letters or send someone a book you think they would enjoy,” Adam suggested．Adam also suggested a deeper letter writing approach: “Try writing letters to each other before you talk．In your letter, include why you think the relationship feels hard and why you want to repair it.”

●Give it time and try again

People differ in how they deal with conflict (争执), so remember that you may need to give a friendship some breathing room before trying again.    4    . She also suggested an honest approach such as, “Hey, I felt terrible since we had conflict. I’d love to get things back on track since I really appreciate our friendship.”

●    5    

Sometimes a friendship suffers because of a miscommunication, and sometimes the problems run much deeper. Franco encouraged people not to let a single problem break up a friendship. “Conflict is a chance to improve a friendship. Don’t give up on friendships because one problem has occurred,” Franco said.