2 . How to Make Friends

Friendship is a very important human relationship and everyone needs good friends. Good friendship has many benefits. It offers companionship, improves self-worth and promotes good health. There are times in our lives such as when we have recently moved into a new town, or changed our jobs or schools. Such changes often leave us without a friend.     1     But for many of us the process is difficult and requires courage. Below are some helpful suggestions on how to make and keep friends.

1. Associate with others.

The first step to making friends is associating with other people. You can go to public places to meet new people. Besides, you will need to make yourself known by becoming an active member of such places.

2. Start a conversation.

Starting a conversation is the second most important step in making new friends.     2     You can always start the conversation. Being able to make small talk is a very useful skill in relating with other people.

3.     3    

Choosing friends with common interests is important in building friendship as these interests would always bring you and your friend together. Hanging out will always be a pleasant experience.

4. Let it grow.

It is a good thing to stay in touch. However, try not to press your new friend with calls, messages or visits as this would likely wear him or her out and finally you may lose your friend.     4     The best friendships are the ones that grow naturally.

5. Enjoy your friendship.

The best way to enjoy your friendship is to allow your friends to be themselves.     5     Try not to change them from who they are to what you want them to be. Become the kind of friend you will want your friend to be to you.

3 . Mark Smith and Jarryd Haines are good friends. The two boys from Sydney have known each other for most of their lives. Both of them enjoy playing Australian football.

A few years ago, when Mark was nine, he developed brain cancer. The disease robbed the boy of his sight, part of his hearing and his ability to play his favorite sport. However, throughout the years, Jarryd remained his closest friend. They still share their love of Australian football. And they still enjoy talking about the Sydney Swans, their favorite team.

Two weeks ago, I took my seat at Sydney Cricket Ground to watch the Swans. The old stadium was crowded with fans. Shortly into the second quarter, heard some great commentary(实况报道） from a boy. Play by play, Jarryd was bringing the game to life. I turned and saw him. Mark was sitting next to him.

Although he cannot see anymore, Mark still loves the Swans very much. Usually, he goes to the stadium and listens to the commentary on the radio. However, in the second quarter of that match, the radio system broke down. That was when his friend Jarryd stepped in.

I hardly looked at the Swans and Buddy, the team’s star player. Instead, I was focusing on Jarryd and Mark. “What’s happening now, mate?” Mark asked. “Don’t worry. Mark,” Jarryd replied. “Okay. Buddy’s got it. Will he go for it? He’s going for it! It’s his tenth goal! Buddy is on fire!” Mark listened carefully. He was lost in the magic of Australian football brought to life by his friend.

Sports can be competitive. However, they can also allow us to share wonderful moments with others, may they be close friends or perfect strangers. Here, Jarryd and Mark have moved me, and perhaps some other spectators（观众）, with the best commentary.

4 . When I was in primary school, sometimes I would meet a girl of the same age as me. Lisa was never active, but she was always very sweet and nice. In the 5th grade she came to my class. She was absent a lot, and one day I had the courage to ask why. She told me she was sick, and she explained she wore a wig (假发) because her medicine made her lose her hair. Since then, anytime Lisa came to class, I would hang around with her on the playground.

I received much ridicule (嘲笑) from my friends for this because they thought I was ignoring them for Lisa. My family education taught me to be nice, and I felt Lisa’s needs were much more important than others I knew.

It had been months since Lisa was in our class, and one day our teacher was crying. She explained Lisa died the day before and would no longer be our classmate. She told us Lisa had fought a battle (斗争) with cancer for years.

I was shocked. Lisa never spoke of her illness as if it could kill her. Well, all these years I have kept Lisa in my mind and heart. When I go through the important events in my life, I think of Lisa.

I’ve had a strong wish recently to find her mother and father. I’d like to tell them that though they never met me, their daughter had a sweet effect on my life. I have no idea what her parents’ first names are. I write to your column (专栏) and hope you can point me in the right direction.

Lisa was such a lovely girl. Maybe her parents would be comforted by the fact that after all these years they are not the only ones who remember her.

I remember the first time I met Roy. He was telling a joke. When he reached the final line, everyone burst out laughing. “A popular boy,” I thought to myself. My name is Daniel. I was the new boy in the class. There were 33 students in my new class, and most people weren’t very interested in a shy new boy. Roy was kind to me. He often invited me to join his particular group and we became good friends. We trusted each other and we could talk about personal matters.

Five years later, Roy and I were still in the same class. But just a year ago Roy’s father was knocked over by a car. He died a few days later. The family had difficulty with finance. Roy changed completely. He started losing friends, including me.

About three months ago, a group of us were playing football together after school. Having left something in the classroom, I went inside to get it and found Roy going through the pockets of people’s coats. In his hand he had a wallet and I knew it wasn’t his. Roy went bright red. “I will put it back right now,” he said, and he did so. I turned round and walked out without saying a word. I really hoped that Roy would explain why he had been stealing, but instead he started avoiding me.

Last week, our school had a big fair in order to raise money for a charity and we made about ￡500. But to our surprise, the next morning, we were told that the money had been stolen. This morning I decided to ask Roy about the theft so I went to see him. Roy was out. I put his jacket on and put my hands in the pockets. I could feel a lot of notes and I pulled them out. It looked as if there were about ￡500 there. I was so surprised that I just stood there, holding the notes in my hand. And that moment, Roy walked in.

Seeing me standing there with money in my hand, Roy felt panicked (恐慌的).

We went to the head teacher Mrs Smith, together.

7 . I was never very neat （整洁的）, while my roommate Kate was extremely organized. Each of her objects had its place, but mine always hid somewhere. She even labeled（贴标签）everything. I always looked for everything. Over time，Kate got neater and I got messier. She would push my dirty clothing over, and I would lay my books on her tidy desk. We both got tired of each other.

War broke out one evening. Kate came into the room. Soon, I heard her screaming, "Take your shoes away! Why under my bed!" Deafened, I saw my shoes flying at me. I jumped to my feet and started yelling. She yelled back louder.

The room was filled with anger. We could not have stayed together for a single minute but for a phone call. Kate answered it. From her end of the conversation, I could tell right away her grandma was seriously ill. When she hung up, she quickly crawled （爬）under her covers，sobbing. Obviously, that was something she should not go through phone. All of a sudden, a warm feeling of sympathy rose up in my heart.

Slowly, I collected the pencils, took back the books, made my bed, cleaned the socks and swept the floor, even on her side. I got so into my work that I even didn't notice Kate had sat up. She was watching, her tears dried and her expression one of disbelief. Then, she reached out her hands to grasp mine. I looked up into her eyes. She smiled at me, "Thanks."

Kate and I stayed roommates for the rest of the year. We didn't always agree, but we learned the key to living together: giving in, cleaning up and holding on.

8 . When you choose a friend, you should be very careful. A good friend can help you study. You can have fun together and make each other happy. Sometimes you will meet fair weather (晴天) friends. They will be with you as long as you have money or luck, but when you are down, they will run away. How do I know when I have found a good friend? I look for certain qualities of character, especially understanding, honesty and reliability (可靠).

Above all else, I look for understanding in a friend. A good friend tries to understand how another person is feeling. He is not quick to judge. Instead, he tries to learn from others. He puts himself in the other person’s place, and he tries, to think of ways to be helpful. He is, also a good listener.

At the same time, however, a good friend is honest. He does not look for faults in others. He notices their good points. In short, good friends will be honest to each other and accept each other.

Another quality of a friend is reliability. I can always depend on a good friend If he tells me he will meet me somewhere at a certain time? I can be sure that he will be there. If I need a favour, he will do his best to help me. If I am in trouble > he will not run away from me.

There is a fourth quality that makes a friend special, A special friend is someone with whom we can have fun. We should enjoy our lives, and we would enjoy our friendship. That is why I especially like friends who are fun to be with. A good friend likes the same things I like. We share experience and learn from each other. A good friend has a good sense of humour, too. He likes to laugh with me. That is how we share in the joy of being friends. And I know that he is looking for the same quality in me.

When I meet someone who is reliable, honest, and understanding, I know I’ve found a friend!

I am very excited to have accepted an e-mail from   you. I'm glad you have made such great progress that you can write your e-mail good Chinese. I read your e-mail my parents and showed them the photo you sent it to me. How time files! Our friendsship has lasted for several month. We have got to know but learnt a lot from each other. Yes, it is clearly that your country is quite different from me. Thanks again for writing to me. I'm looking forward to hear from you soon. Best wish to you and your family.

10 . Kindness

Good friends are not just kind to you; they are kind to others as well. People like being around them because they are positive people. The kindness they spread comes from inner feelings of happiness and self-confidence. In contrast, social aggression, such as meanness, is a quality that shows lack of respect for others and discontent with oneself. These feelings outwardly show and eventually prevent communications and genuine friendships from forming.

Accepting

Good friends are easy to talk to because they accept what you are. They understand the things that are important to you and the values that you hold. Although they may not necessarily agree with all of your beliefs and actions, they will never judge you. People who can accept you also are better able to accept themselves. High self-esteem and self-acceptance are intertwined.

Interest

According to American writer and lecturer, Dale Carnegie, showing genuine interest in others is one way to promote feelings of goodwill. People are more likely to remember how you make them feel. This goes beyond good listening skills. Good friends ask questions about things that matter to you. To do this, they must put aside their own needs and focus on helping others feel important. If you make them feel inferior, they will not enjoy the time you spend together.

Honesty

Although honesty is important to friendships, it may be one of the most difficult qualities to maintain. When you ask a friend for honesty, she may prefer preserving the peace over telling you what she really thinks. But honesty promotes trust. A good friend cares enough to tell you the truth and has sufficient confidence in the relationship to be assured of a positive outcome.