5 . Have you ever bought a gift for a friend, simply because it’s a gift that you like yourself?     1     Such activity is called “social projection (投射)” and is the focus of new marketing research.

The study, “I Love the Product, but Will You? The Role of Interpersonal Attachment Styles in Social Projection,” is authored by David, an assistant professor of marketing, and published in Psychology & Marketing. Research results are based on the surveys of 1,272 people.

The research reveals that people who are “secure” in interpersonal settings are the ones most likely to engage in social projection. Conversely(相反)，those who are “anxious” in such settings are less likely to assume that others share their own preferences.     2    

“You’d think that secure people who tend to be older, in a committed relationship and earn a higher-income with lots of friends and healthy personal relationships would have a better idea of what someone would like as a gift.    3     David said. “This research shows that individuals who are anxious in interpersonal situations and who have fewer close, personal relationships are better at predicting what a person may like.”

    4     Anxious individuals, on the contrary, tend to be younger and earn a lower income. Securely attached persons, who are people expecting others will be available and supportive when needed, are more likely to choose a gift based on their own preferences, while an anxious one more likely to consider what the recipients(接收者) may like.

Gifts should be thoughtful. Therefore, secure people should be mindful of their choice of gifts. They need to take caution when selecting and buying gifts.     5    

My third-grade daughter is having friend problems at school. She comes home complaining （抱怨）about other children at school every day. None of the other children want to play with her. They make fun of her and no one wants to sit by her at lunch. My heart is broken when I hear her words. When I suggest things she should try, she tells me that I don't understand her. When I try to find out what is really going on, she gets even more upset and cries harder. What can I do to help her?

Sarah Dear Sarah,

We all want our children to be accepted by other children and it hurts us when they are not. We want to march right up to school, shake those children, and say "Don't treat my baby in this way!" Our task, however, is to keep our expectations, worry, and anger to ourselves and do something positive （积极的）for our children. We must encourage our children to solve their own problems.

If you want to help your daughter, the best thing you can do is accept her feelings. I know how hard it is not to do something to help our children with their friend problems, but they will always refuse our advice. When your daughter comes to you with her complaints, listen without saying a word. Try to see what your daughter is feeling and ignore the words. When you think you know what she is feeling, let her know that you know. She needs to express her feelings and you just allow her to do that.

Sit and listen for as long as she wants to talk, or cry. If you need to say something, let her know that her feelings are acceptable. They often need to be encouraged to solve their own problems. We may have to listen for a long time before they move from complaints （抱怨）to problem-solving. They need our support and encouragement but they don't need or want our advice .

Trust your daughter to learn and grow from this experience. You will, too.

Elaine Gibson

7 . How to Keep Long-Distance Friendships

Don’t let distance keep you away from your friends.     1    

Schedule time to chat. Because of kinds of reasons, you and your friends might not be able to chat on the phone every day or even every week.    2     My best friend from high school is a new mom and we are in different time zones. But she makes an effort every few weeks to call me on her drive home from work. When I go back home our friendship feels like I’d never left.

    3     Texting (发短信) your friends can be a good way. It can help you know about each other. My friends and I text each other about the small things like having to work late or losing an earring.

Use social media. Social media is a good way to keep my long-distance friendships going. It allows you to keep up with your friends’ lives.     4     That makes you feel more deeply connected to them.

Vacation together.    5     One friend and I haven’t lived in the same state for 5 years, but I can see her on trips. By going on trips, we can not only stay in touch, but also can create new memories together.

Not every friendship is a friendship that can survive long distance. The thing we can do is do what we can to keep it.

9 . Spreading an Infection

I’ve made it a habit to smile at people as often as possible, saying some kind words, “hello, thank you, have a nice day”, whatever fits. I have the right situation as I am living in     1     big city with many, many people.

I’m doing this for quite a while now, so I’ve seen all     2     （kind）of reactions, from people feeling     3     （threaten） by a friendly word, reacting       4     （angry） or even aggressively, to people       5       faces lit up with a huge smile and gave me the       6    （impress） that I’ve made this moment good for them.

Today something happened that I hadn’t yet experienced: Two people, complete strangers     7     me, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, whom I passed on the street without     8     （smile）at them,     9     with a friendly face, looked up from their inner focus, looked at me, started to smile and greeted me friendly while they     10    （pass）.

Have I started a “kindness virus”? That would be great! It makes my day, and I’m still smiling. I hope you do too!

10 . Many foreign students report feeling lonely or unwelcome in Australia. Those feelings are among the reasons why Australia is taking a close look at its international education industry. But wherever international students go, making friends may not always be easy. Elisabeth Gareis of Baruch College in New York surveyed 454 international students. They were attending four-year colleges and graduate schools in the American South and Northeast.

Students from English-speaking countries and from northern and central Europe were more likely to be happy with their friendships. But 38% of the international students said they had no close friends in the United States. And half of the students from East Asia said they were unhappy with the number of American friends they had. Thirty percent said they wished their friendships could be deeper and more meaningful.

Professor Gareis says, “Students from East Asia have cultures that are different on many levels from the culture in the United States. There are also language problems, and maybe some social skills, such as small talks, which are possibly not as important in their native countries, where it’s not as important to start friendships with small talks. Many East Asian students blamed themselves for their limited friendships with Americans, for not speaking the language well enough and for not knowing the culture well enough.”

VOA’s Students Union blogger Jessica Stahl did her own survey to find out how American students and foreign students relate to each other. More than 100 students, about half of them American, answered her online questions. Half of the international students and 60 % of the Americans said they related as well or better to the other group than to their own group.

Professor Gareis says, “International students who make friends with host nationals are, overall, more satisfied with their stay in the host country. They have better language skills, better academic performance and better attitudes toward the host country.”